three hundred thirty (330)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: I had seen inappropriate messages between my Husband and a female co-worker at the end of October 2022. Whilst it was clear they had both been drinking a lot, I was very unnerved and surprised my Husband was messaging late ar night.
I clearly told him it was neither professional nor appropriate; at first he kept saying it was just ‘office banter’ but then admitted it was inappropriate.
He then went to work and came back and told me he had spoken with the co-worker, who was also married, and had agreed only professional messages in future.
I was happy this had been cleared up early and referred to ‘Love Actually’ where the secretary is infatuated with Alan Rickman’s character. I told my Husband to be aware…more fool me.
Over the next 2 months I was watching him like a hawk; getting up in the night to check his phone (we’ve always shared passwords) but never saw any further messages. But I did keep seeing co-workers name as a missed call, even at weekends. But Husband always assured me it was just work related.
We then had our 30th Wedding Anniversary trip early December. We had a really strong relationship at this point, lots of intimacy and totally in love. On returning to the UK, my Husband had lots of work events in the evening and was drinking a lot more than usual.
Cut forward to 21st December. He has finished work for the Christmas holidays and our eldest daughter had arrived from New York for the holiday season. Christmas is my favourite time of year and I was so, so happy. That evening, I collected Husband from rail station and he went off for a boys night out with the neighbours. I had an uneasy feeling that he had seemed anxious, stressed and had rushed out. Some sixth sense mad me go to his work rucksack and I found his old mobile phone in it. He had upgraded a few days earlier. It was supposed to have been given back to his workplace. I turned it on, no power. After a minute it started charging up. I looked at the text and opened this. To my utter dismay, text after text started to come through…between Husband and co-worker. All I saw was 😘😍🥰 emojis and the words ‘kiss in the lift’ and other horrific words. I was in total shock….and fainted.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: When I found out, I literally started shaking, felt so sick, numb, couldn’t read properly, fainted. I felt a huge sob coming out of my mouth, but had to keep it in as my adult daughters were in the next door room. I felt the floor fall away, I was dropping like a stone in a bottomless lake. So shocked, appalled, disgusted by my Husband’s words. Honestly, never in.my life have experienced such pain. Totally heartbroken.

6 weeks on, the pain won’t go away. But more anger has come now. And sadness for my 30 year marriage…and family unit has been torn apart.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I am naturally slim, but have lost so much weight. I couldn’t eat for a month. Haven’t slept since D-Day. It’s 1.30 am as I am writing this. I have panic attacks; triggers are everywhere. Nausea when I wake up. And am so, so exhausted and scared about my future. If I could die of a broken heart, I think I will

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I am seeing a therapist and speaking with my Doctor. I have had to ask my Husband to leave (after trying to do-habit for 6 weeks) as my mental health was suffering so much. I think I have aged 10 years

What are your next steps?: Honestly, don’t know. I originally thought I would do anything to save our marriage. But my Husband has been lying about what happened; trickle truths coming out. He swears it was an Emotional Affair, but I’ve now heard he kissed her at least twice. And I keep finding new evidence of their meeting up. He’s claiming he has Depression now so I can’t query him too much. It’s all just so sad and I never thought I would be dealing with this at my age.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Disgusted

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: To trust your instincts if you feel something is ‘off’

What else would you like to share?: I’m have lost al respect for my Hisband and know I will never trust him again

three hundred twenty nine (329)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: The other woman told me

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: My whole world coĺlapsed

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Over eating, drinking every day. Poor sleep zero self esteem

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:

What are your next steps?:

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Alone, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Humiliated

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Get out now

What else would you like to share?: Don't imagine you can get over it. Once trust is gone love is gone

three hundred twenty eight (328)

Your Age: Under 20

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I accidentally found his old phone that he still uses and opened it, saw the messages and calls he have with a woman from his highschool.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Felt like all the air was sucked out of me, my body shivered.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: A lot, been sleeping less and eating less.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Crying and praying. Started writing all about it.

What are your next steps?: To process and find ways to heal.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Nothing

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I don’t really help if tou have someone to talk about it to

What else would you like to share?: I just want for the pain to go away and I want to know if I should still stay and forgive him.

there hundred twenty seven (327)

Title: After 3 and a half years, he cheated on me, for the last time.

Your Story: So the first time it happened, was honestly disgusting. I was 15 when it happened, he was 16. I was a very insecure person, and I admit that I would overreact from time to time....

But that cannot be used as a reason to cheat, he literally told me about it 2 weeks after he cheated. He told me at his family reunion, while I was very drunk, and of course only after we had sex...

His reason... Was that he did it for revenge, fucking revenge because I was insecure and I didn't know how to not show it, just to add a important detail. I told him my insecurities before we started dating and I also told him that I struggle to keep it all in.

That was the first time, he told me that he'd understand if I wanted to break up. Thinking back on it now, it's like he did it so that he didn't have to be the one to break up...

But I said no, I told him I loved him and that I was willing to work through it, if he gives me space.

He gave me a week before he started asking for sex again... I have in, but I also threw away the last scrap of self worth I had as I did it. It actually hurt, I got an infection and I never felt the same about him after it, I let him have me, but I always felt disgusted with him and mostly myself for giving in. For giving him what he doesn't deserve, heck I didn't deserve that either but I was so young, so attached and depressed and dependent, I didn't know any better. And I kept on telling myself, it'll get better, things will go back to the way it was, but it just got worse and harder to believe it as the years passed by.

Then came my first year out of school, we decided to work together at a summer camp, called spirit of adventure. The place was amazing as well as my boss, he was a wonderful father figure who actually helped me through so much without even realising it.

Same goes to allot of the people I met that year. But of course you win some, you lose some.

We had gotten to a point where I was numb and I thought that our relationship was good again, yet I didn't really feel much of anything and I think that's why I thought so.

That year I made friends with a girl who also worked the whole year with us, we actually become best friends, utterly inseparable, we shared our diaries, our secrets, he'll I even told her things I'd never ever told another living soul, It was honestly the best friendship that I had ever experienced, she made me feel loved, helped out of that numbness and helped rebuild myself...

Too bad it was all for nothing, because she got close to the that guy I was dating. At first I thought nothing of it, it felt like I could finally trust him around other girls.

So I had a 20 day vacation that same year, and they both worked during that time, and the day before I left, we had an argument and decided that we should take a break, not break up, just take a break to give each other some space...

He saw it as an opportunity to make me pay for whatever reason he had in that messed up head of his. It's like he said, oh I'll show you I haven't changed.

After all that time we spend working on our relationship, sleepless nights talking things out and having special emotional moments together where I truly felt safe in his arms...

When I got back from the trip...

That girl, that snake of a human, told me that she and him were dating now. Not that they kissed or had a intimate night, no.

Dead ass they grew feelings for each other and started dating in the 20 days I wasn't there.

I literally walked out of the room, proceeded to give him a peace of my mind in front of everyone and stormed off into the woods to smoke and just process everything that just happened.

He begged me to take him back that same day, the fucking audacity of this guy...

I didn't, cus that was it, I couldn't take anymore, he made me reach my breaking point.

And in that moment I realised that I am utterly alone now, because the two people that I got the closest two, literally just stabbed me in the back, one wanting to crawl back to me and the other though, she fucking thought that I would be ok with it, he'll she thought I'd be happy for them...

It was August when that happened, I still had to see them, and work with them till December, and you know what's the best part. They were my only friends that I had left there. So it was honestly the most difficult, most painful, most numbing, torture that I had ever experienced in my life.

If I didn't already have trust issues to begin with, it really made it all that much worse.

At least it's been a month since I last saw them, I am finally starting to get better, and I'm finally able to move on, and not see them everyday.

It still hurts allot, I cried writing this, but honestly after I wrote it all out, I feel allot better already. I'm working through everything that I've been through and learning from it, what to look out for, what to look for and mostly how to love myself and find self worth again.

Self care has helped me immensely, I stand naked in front of the mirror while I listened to music and dance, while I put cream all over my body, it's so therapeutic, I also got into journalling, I forget some days but it always makes me feel better when I do remember to do it. Working out helps boost confidence and mental health.

I also spend more time with my family, I can finally do the things I never had time to do, like drawing, organising, hiking, etc. Spending time alone for the first few months were hard, not gonna lie. But the more I did things that made me happy, ultimately made being alone so much fun.

But the thing that helped me the most, was finding my way back to God, reading the Bible and praying everyday is so wonderful, I feel his love and I know that everything will get better, he helped me through such a difficult time, and I feel that it's the biggest reason that I decided to become the bigger person.

As hard as it was I decided to forgive them, and focus on my own life, cus honestly that's important to me, I'm not going to spend so much time obsessing over something that is over.

Good luck to everyone going through an experience with a cheater, and/or a breakup.

I wish you all the best, thank you for reading my story.

Spread the love far and wide!

God is our saviour, give him a chance and see your life change.❤️

three hundred twenty six (326)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Passive-aggressive behavior.
Avoiding alone time and intimacy.
Leaving the room to text a message.
Sleeping with his phone.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Betrayed.
Angry.
Worthless.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: The betrayal had a profound effect on me..

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Holistic therapy helped me with the pain.

What are your next steps?: To heal of course but it is difficult while living with with someone you no longer trust or believe in.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Devalued, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Disillusionment

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: It is not your fault. Loving someone is not easy, otherwise, we would be happy and content with our partners all the time and for the rest of our lives. Let go of those persons if they are not willing to heal and grow with you. Let go of the past when they do.

What else would you like to share?: I am stronger and more sure of myself today, but the scars ache sometimes. I guess it always will.

three hundred twenty five (325)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: I found out about the infidelity after going through his messages on Instagram

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel distraught and shocked that it happened for so long without me knowing. I feel neglected and inadequate. I don’t know the person I am with anymore. The relationship I thought I had is now inverted. My reality is shaken and I don’t know what I’m going to do about the future. I don’t have the answers I deserve.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I cannot perform day-to-day task, and I have severely lost my appetite. I cannot concentrate

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: My partner is helping me heal. Talking about it is helping me overcome this feeling.

What are your next steps?: I have to dig deeper and find out what led to these events. We need to assess ourselves mentally. I want to try and rebuild the relationship

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Confused

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Try not to be hard on yourself l. Cheating has more to do with the pers

What else would you like to share?: Please be strong and trust in god

three hundred twenty four (324)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: I found out on Christmas Eve. We were talking about our past present and future. It is not the first time he has cheated. He slept with a co worker a year before we were married (I found out a year after we were married- he confessed). I asked if that was the only time he had cheated and he reluctantly said no, and that he had kissed a co worker of a bar he worked at. I wondered why he had quit so abruptly.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I’m so angry and sad I don’t know what to do with myself. Im furious I’ve been made to feel the same way I did 10 years ago. I’m totally lost where to go from here.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: For the first time ever I suddenly give a dam about how I look. I hate everything I see in the mirror. I don’t want to eat, I’m comparing myself to every woman I see.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Reading female empowerment books and focusing on my career. It’s a short term fix.

What are your next steps?: I have no idea. We just bought a house we’re fixing up and we have a young son. I think my plan is basically to buy him out of his share of the house and divorce him. I know myself and I will never trust him again. I don’t see my self esteem recovering at all while he is in my life. I’ve been floored.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred twenty three (323)

Title: I cannot find the words to express my pain

Your Story: I met this wonderful man a few years ago a few months after I went through a terrible heartbreak.

I was hesitant about the idea of being vulnerable however, I decided that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and actually give myself and another potential mate the opportunity to attempt and build a relationship with me...

It was the beginning of something so beautiful that would soon turn into something so heartbreaking.... Things were great, I mean don't get we wrong, all relationships have their ups and downs. Yes we had our own respective character flaws, but these were little things we could look past as the relationship was the vital connection we were working towards.

Fast forward to a few years later, I lost my mother. I think that's when everything started changing. I'm the confrontational person in the relationship, if something is wrong, we are addressing it now. If something is bothering me, I will speak put my feelings etc.. I didn't want to pent up unresolved or unaddressed feelings in the relationship, it makes you look weird when now you're fighting about something that happened years ago and that you could have easily addressed and we resolve it there and then. I wanted to be heard and recognized in my relationship.

As time progresses, he no longer sends me texts, calls or want to see me and spend time with me. It upset me and this is what we mostly fought about. At some point I had no other choice but to think he is cheating, which I didn't want to believe. I loved this man, with my entire being. I know I'm not perfect but I loved him, I truly it.

As months pass by, I discover that her has a Twitter account. As I am going through his page I find a certain lady he's always exchanging conversations with. And I mean ALL THE TIME and its really weird flirty conversations. So I took a picture of the tweets to ask him if this is a friend or what. He replied to my text by saying that they are just friends which I let it ago, because ag first glance I didn't see anything that would say is hard evidence that he is cheating. So I let it go, however, this was not sitting well with me. So one day I grew more curious and went again to twitter to see if my growing assumptions are right. This time, instead of going on the guys page, I went to the lady instead. The things I found..

I found pictures of her sleeping in his bed. She was ALWAYS at his house, you'd swear they were living together. I found conversations where she refers to him as her man and how much she pr they are so in love.

I thought this was a joke, in anger and frustration. I took screenshots of the conversations and I again sent then to the guy. I asked to please be honest with me because at this point the evidence is too much. This man, a man I worshipped and loved with my entire heart turned around and flat accused me of being crazy and blocked me, which is funny because I still have to go fetch my stuff as my belonging are still at his house and this lady is still not aware of any of this; this is my own assumption.

It was so painful because when I went back to the page after he blocked me and she posted pictures where they even spent Christmas together. Betrayed and hurt will never amount to the actual pain of what he did to me. What's more painful is that he was willing to do these things for a women he met on social media whereas I had to beg for the bare minimum in my own relationship. He'd would blatantly tell me how he hates something that I do, but that veru same thing is what he tolerates from these women. I was so disappointed in him because I held such high regard for him. I thought of him to be a man of honour, loyalty and honesty.

He contributed to my insecand made me look like a lunatic while my assumptions where right on the money. I feel more resentment for him that I ever did and it's so upsetting because it's like I'm mind and body are going against nature; hating the one person I want to love more than anything.

The other painful thing is now sitting with so many questions full of doubts, wondering whether the entire relationship was based on a lie or not. You start asking yourself, did he at some point actually are about me. When I was trying to save the relationship he was okay with letting it die. If you are not happy, leave me alone. Breakup with me, and hurt me with the truth, than for you to sit down and lie to me and turn around and make me look like I'm crazy while you are the crazy one in all of this. It's such things that make me think that he hated me more than he did love me.

I am beyond hurt and betrayed but what can I do. I'm left picking up the pieces while he's gone..

I don't know what I wish him. But I wish for him to one day met the pain he's once inflicted on me.

three hundred twenty two (322)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I found videos on her phone of her doing very intimate things and sending them to a guy she knows.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt betrayed and sad. Now I just feel empty.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Not sleeping well and I’ve gained weight

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I go to therapy, but it only goes so far.

What are your next steps?: I don’t know.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred twenty one (321)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: I felt something off and checked his phone that he was very protective of in the middle of the night. He woke up frantic it was missing and demanded it back. I asked why and he confessed to the affair.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt my world had ended. I had full trust in him and defended him to those who said he was traveling a lot and pulling away.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I wake up at 3, 4, and 5 regularly now. I’ve lost my appetite again.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Books, online research, therapy…I’m stuck still in shock this happened to us and anger for the woman I feel seduced him.

What are your next steps?: Hoping to restart therapy.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: Hopeless

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: They are not alone and this is a terrible thing done to them.

What else would you like to share?: I don’t know how to move on. He made so many callous and thoughtless decisions. But I blame her because she invited him over and did not have boundaries among friendships with married men.