Title: I cannot find the words to express my pain
Your Story: I met this wonderful man a few years ago a few months after I went through a terrible heartbreak.
I was hesitant about the idea of being vulnerable however, I decided that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and actually give myself and another potential mate the opportunity to attempt and build a relationship with me...
It was the beginning of something so beautiful that would soon turn into something so heartbreaking.... Things were great, I mean don't get we wrong, all relationships have their ups and downs. Yes we had our own respective character flaws, but these were little things we could look past as the relationship was the vital connection we were working towards.
Fast forward to a few years later, I lost my mother. I think that's when everything started changing. I'm the confrontational person in the relationship, if something is wrong, we are addressing it now. If something is bothering me, I will speak put my feelings etc.. I didn't want to pent up unresolved or unaddressed feelings in the relationship, it makes you look weird when now you're fighting about something that happened years ago and that you could have easily addressed and we resolve it there and then. I wanted to be heard and recognized in my relationship.
As time progresses, he no longer sends me texts, calls or want to see me and spend time with me. It upset me and this is what we mostly fought about. At some point I had no other choice but to think he is cheating, which I didn't want to believe. I loved this man, with my entire being. I know I'm not perfect but I loved him, I truly it.
As months pass by, I discover that her has a Twitter account. As I am going through his page I find a certain lady he's always exchanging conversations with. And I mean ALL THE TIME and its really weird flirty conversations. So I took a picture of the tweets to ask him if this is a friend or what. He replied to my text by saying that they are just friends which I let it ago, because ag first glance I didn't see anything that would say is hard evidence that he is cheating. So I let it go, however, this was not sitting well with me. So one day I grew more curious and went again to twitter to see if my growing assumptions are right. This time, instead of going on the guys page, I went to the lady instead. The things I found..
I found pictures of her sleeping in his bed. She was ALWAYS at his house, you'd swear they were living together. I found conversations where she refers to him as her man and how much she pr they are so in love.
I thought this was a joke, in anger and frustration. I took screenshots of the conversations and I again sent then to the guy. I asked to please be honest with me because at this point the evidence is too much. This man, a man I worshipped and loved with my entire heart turned around and flat accused me of being crazy and blocked me, which is funny because I still have to go fetch my stuff as my belonging are still at his house and this lady is still not aware of any of this; this is my own assumption.
It was so painful because when I went back to the page after he blocked me and she posted pictures where they even spent Christmas together. Betrayed and hurt will never amount to the actual pain of what he did to me. What's more painful is that he was willing to do these things for a women he met on social media whereas I had to beg for the bare minimum in my own relationship. He'd would blatantly tell me how he hates something that I do, but that veru same thing is what he tolerates from these women. I was so disappointed in him because I held such high regard for him. I thought of him to be a man of honour, loyalty and honesty.
He contributed to my insecand made me look like a lunatic while my assumptions where right on the money. I feel more resentment for him that I ever did and it's so upsetting because it's like I'm mind and body are going against nature; hating the one person I want to love more than anything.
The other painful thing is now sitting with so many questions full of doubts, wondering whether the entire relationship was based on a lie or not. You start asking yourself, did he at some point actually are about me. When I was trying to save the relationship he was okay with letting it die. If you are not happy, leave me alone. Breakup with me, and hurt me with the truth, than for you to sit down and lie to me and turn around and make me look like I'm crazy while you are the crazy one in all of this. It's such things that make me think that he hated me more than he did love me.
I am beyond hurt and betrayed but what can I do. I'm left picking up the pieces while he's gone..
I don't know what I wish him. But I wish for him to one day met the pain he's once inflicted on me.