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seventy-six (76)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: My husband announced he was going on a business trip with some work associates to Amsterdam. He has never travelled abroad for work before. He started acting very 'off' before he went. I was not happy about the trip at all and decided to follow him via his phone on an app. I discovered he was at a sex club. A few days later he admitted he had been intimate with a prostitute. A whole group of men went to a brothel. He had drunk huge amounts of alcohol (he has since admitted he is an alcoholic). He has a chronic heart problem and was on the verge of a break down. He claims this is the worst mistake of his life!

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Distraught, disgusted, utterly broken and ashamed. My whole life fell apart.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I have lost a lot of weight. My sleeping has improved but was terrible. I suffer with anxiety and stress.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: We are going to see a counsellor weekly that has been a huge help. I keep as busy as I can with kids and work. I also take CBD at night to help relax me. Exercise is good. I need constant reassurance and affection from my husband. I am improving but still have weekly melts downs, which are not at all healthy for either of us.

What are your next steps?: My husband has stopped drinking and needs to for our relationship to survive. We will continue counselling for the for seeable future. Trying to get better treatment for my husband's mental and physical wellbeing. In time I would like to renew our vows (when I feel ready). He has ceased all contact with work associates. I need to get myself stronger in all ways. We hope to be able to ride the storm.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Devastated, broken, dirty

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Initially make sure you are not alone. Do not make any hasty decisions. Try to eat and sleep. Lots of deep breathing and warm baths. Avoid alcohol.

What else would you like to share?: When you have been with someone for a very long time you have a huge history together. In my case there were many complex jigsaw parts to the infidelity that led my husband down a very destructive path. I am deeply scarred by his actions and it will take a long time if ever to get over it. However we are now trying a new chapter. Based on love and trust. He is absolutely distraught over this and is doing everything in his power to win me back.

seventy-five (75)

Title: 25 years

Your Story: I am married 25 years. Porn is destroying it all. He cant even look me in the eye anymore. As always he gets this vibe about him that i can see someting is up. He went as far as goung onto fuckdate cause he is curious he said. Bit anyhow something is up agian. He blames me whowever . Man i wanna take my life. This is braking me apart.

seventy-four (74)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: I always suspected something and couldn't let is go until I got it out of my wife

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Now I still feel betrayed. I thought I knew her. When I found out it hurt a kot.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I started being healthier and losing weight.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Drinking mostly. Nit really

What are your next steps?: I am not sure

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: None

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Talk to someone

What else would you like to share?: Nothing

seventy-three (73)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: It was 2013. I walked in on my best friend and partner of 10 years in bed together. 
I have that image of their naked bodies burnt in my minds eye. 
My 'friend' was staying with us for the weekend - we were going to celebrate her sisters birthday. My partner was going to take the kids away skiing for the weekend with his ex-wife. We'd all been up late chatting and I eventually went to bed, leaving them to stay up and finish the wine... When my partner hadn't come to bed by 2.30am, I went back down stairs to find him having sex, with her in the guest bedroom.  
I was just upstairs! They thought they could get away with it, while I slept. How comfortable and confident they were about doing it while I was in the house, never really sunk in until much later.  
Over the next 72 hours I learnt that 'IT' had been going on for a year and half... My world collapsed, completely. Within a couple of weeks I had to pack up my life of 10 years and move out. I was an emotional wreck for two years, couldn't stop crying as the images would flash across the screen of my mind. Going over and over various conversations, piecing together the lies and feeling, so angry, helpless, hopeless, useless... along with a relentless feeling of nausea.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I was in shock after seeing them, I didn't get angry due to the shock. I simply couldn't compute what had happened. I also thought it was just a drunken mistake and that we'd get over it. My partner slept on the sofa for the remaining hours of the night, and 'she' stayed in the guest bedroom. I remember there being a howling storm and rationalised we could resolve things in the morning. I couldn't sleep. As soon as it was light I went out to walk the dog and bought them back coffee each. Shock is a strange thing. The next 72 hours we the most unbearable. I remember being alone in the house and sat staring out the window until it got dark. I was numb and felt like I was in a living nightmare.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Its been 6 years now and I'm so much happier. Through a lot of work on self, it has empowered me.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I lost a lot of weight at the time, from emotional stress and an inability to cope. I was put on sleeping pills which helped me get through the night, but it only made the mornings worse, waking up and realising I had to get through another day. I wish I'd been able to speak with someone who could have given me some practical advise. Being alone in my head was like a form of torture.

What are your next steps?: As a result of what happened to me I began to work on myself and manage my emotions. I got trained as a developmental coach and I now help women going through the same thing. So I've turned it all around. I've made the nightmare become my strength. The image of them together, in my mind, no longer makes me feel sick. I wish no one had to go through the intensity of that heartache and emotional pain, but it has made me what I am today and I am grateful for that.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Empowered, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:responsible

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Get help - speak to someone, get it out of your head and give it a voice. Make an effort not to be alone too much of the time.

What else would you like to share?:

seventy-two (72)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: he changed the romance died even communication is not like before he is at work always

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I was angry I felt betrayed I wanted revenge but I failed in the process coz I love him

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I hv sleepless nights nd ihv noticed that I'm hush nd i hv a short temper ever since I knew something was wrong

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: nothing I just told my self that it's ok it's part of life I'll hv to be strong

What are your next steps?: I want him back to me he is the father of my kids I'm incomplete without him my kids love their father nd I dnt want them to grow up in a broken home

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Anger, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I dnt think I'm can give advice for now coz I'm broken inside

What else would you like to share?: I wish God gave me someone who can love me for who I am nd love me unconditional .I need someone who can love me in retain.

seventy-one (71)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I discovered my partner had an account on a fetish website. I went on the site and found photos of my partner having sex with an older women. The photos were very graphic and painful to view. I also saw messages the two had wrote back and forth that helped determine when the affair started. After seeing the photos i also realised the women he was cheating with had come to our home previously, but my partner pretended he didnt know her.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt so embarrassed, betrayed, humiliated, and broken. I also felt extremely angry. He allowed this women to come to our home. I felt like they were both laughing behind my back. Enjoying the fact they were able to deceive me and parade the affair infront of me without my knowledge. I felt inadequate. I felt dirty. So very dirty because this women was obviously extremely promiscuous and my partner didnt use protection. I was devastated. I felt like my life was being altered. I knew from that moment on things would never be the same.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: At first i was so upset that i couldnt eat, wouldnt sleep. Ever time i closed my eyes i would see those photos of the two having sex. It hurt, i would cry at times and be completely disgusted others. I didnt feel like doing the normal day to day chores. I let the house get in disarray

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Right now, nothing. Im just dealing with it. Trying to process what happened, why it happened, and where our relationship goes from here. At times im fine, but sometimes the hurt and images come back. The deep seated feeling of betrayal creeps back up and i feel devastated again. I know time will help, but im still not sure if our relationship can recover. I resent him now.

What are your next steps?: My next steps have been deciding if i even want to continue our relationship, if we do - what needs to happen to ensure this doesnt occur again, ways for the two of us to better communicate and for me to learn to trust again, him to earn it, etc for me to get over the shame and embarrassment of being cheated on and knowing i did not cause it to happen in any way

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:Embarrassed.

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Really look at your relationship and whether its worth saving. Asking yourself if this is something you may/may not be able to get over and forgive

What else would you like to share?: What my partner did was horrible, despicable, and crushing but we still loved each other and both wanted to try and mend our relationship. We knew it was gonna take a lot of work to rebuild the trust that was lost and to heal the betrayal i felt and resent towards him for cheating but we're determined to give it a try.

seventy (70)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: Started to distance her self . change on visiting days. Her family this her family that . they don't want her to sleep out . she started posting her self out claiming she's with the girls . people talk you act like didn't know . she came where I'm working with that same maney spender . i crc don't why I'm still here

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: When you fast here people talk than see . You pick up your . and try to find the way forward . sometimes i do get angry . just to see what she was warring that day

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I'm not as happy as i us to be I'm a bit salty

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Blame my self

What are your next steps?: Try to find Love again inside me . and. Some1 who will respect me the way i do her

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Strong, Empowered, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Afraid , voiceless

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Life goes on

What else would you like to share?: In what ever you going through , it's not the end

sixty-nine (69)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: During couples therapy our therapist told us to tell the other person anything we might be hiding now because she will eventually bring it out. So he did. Right before bed and right before I really needed to work the next day. I didn’t sleep at all that night and was a wreck the next day.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt the worst pain and sadness. Not necessarily the worst I have ever felt, but I just felt like my whole life was falling apart and that everything before, our whole relationship was a lie. Because this was something that had been going on periodically throughout our whole relationship. But I found that out a little later after that first night that there were more girls. The last girl was the worst of them though. Now, I am feeling healed. Not fully, but I can converse, I can even spend time with him (still casual friends) and not feel pain. I see a different person now and I have no emotional feelings towards him at all in a romantic way. I just care about him still. We were “best friends” for over 10 years. Our lives were so intertwined. I could never go back to him though. So much had been revealed to me throughout our relationship just sitting outside of it and looking back in. So much toxicity beyond the cheating.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleep has been an issue, but honestly has been for so long because of him.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Friends, therapy, fun experiences, acceptance, knowing my worth, flirting, dating another guy, just talking about it. I kept so much of the bad shit hidden from others throughout our whole relationship.

What are your next steps?: Just taking it day by day. Reforming a new future. A better future.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Disassociation, numbness, uncertainty, confusion, frustration, acceptance, denial, so many others

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: In time you will realize you deserve so much better than they could ever give you. You will get through the pain. You will find joy.

What else would you like to share?:

sixty-eight (68)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: I noticed that I'm the one that loves here,he's not into me...he just wants sex and my support financially..

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I don't know how I feel because I've changed...I've turned out to be a monster...I think I'm obsessed.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yes I'm sleeping less hours

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I'm just Sharing with friends..No it's not working I wish I can have someone to talk to or professional help

What are your next steps?: I wish I could have the courage to move out and breakup with him because we're staying together

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?: