four hundred ten (410)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I have known for a long time, but didn't have proof till recently when one of the women contacted me. I had hoped I was wrong, but that was naive.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:When I found out I felt stunned, ripped apart, lost, completely distraught.
Now I feel untrustful, worried, unstable.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Not too badly, lately at least. When I first found out anything, more than a couple years ago it affected my sleeping and eating. Sometimes it actually still does

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Lots of counseling, other self care like showers, taking care of my plants, walks when I can.
I don't think it's helping very much..But maybe I'd be doing worse without that stuff.

What are your next steps?: Try to rebuild our relationship while not forgetting my needs and boundaries.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Empowered, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Lost

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: It's not your fault. You don't deserve this.

What else would you like to share?: I hope I can make it through this. Sometimes I don't know if I will. I just keep trying though. I don't know why.

four hundred nine (409)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: Intuition told me something was wrong, installed a voice recorder in his truck, heard everything.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Like my heat was torn out of my chest. I love him but hate him at the same time. I want to stab his eyes out but still want to make us work, but I feel like I can’t let this go

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I cry all the time, I can’t stop thinking about it

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:We’re going to counseling, but I feel as if she is on his side. I feel like we are not talking about the affair at all

What are your next steps?: No idea. I feel like I am a shell of the person I use to be, I feel stupid and used

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Invisible, Devalued, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Stupid

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Always listen to that little voice telling you something is wrong

What else would you like to share?: Once a cheater always a cheater

four hundred eight (408)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: Looked at partners phone. Saw Facebook messenger messages with her

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:When I found out shock, devastation. Now- unloved, unattractive, unwanted, sad, depressed, hurt.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Can’t eat much. Lost appetite

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I’m not coping. I’m vaping when I didn’t used to.

What are your next steps?: Couples therapy. And if that fails, individual.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness, Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Betrayed, Devalued

What emotions are missing from the list?: Empty

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Leave when you find out.

What else would you like to share?: I allowed him back in after I found out. It’s so much harder than moving on would have been

four hundred seven (407)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: In a dream and checked his phone

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt very disappointed in him snd confused. We have been going on for 3 years and i thought we hve developed a sense of being together.
It taught me that you cannot change a person. Hurt people hurt others.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Slept more and felt very moody. Lost interest in some of the things i liked doing.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Time and self- talk
It does help but slowly
Wish there was something like a pill one can drink and it all goes away.

What are your next steps?: Wait until I'm healed to a satisfactory level.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Don't blame yourself. Learn from the experience for the future. Give yourself some love

What else would you like to share?:

four hundred six (406)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: My sister in law told me about it.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:Betrayed, angry, blindsided, depressed, anxious.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Not eating or sleeping much. Isolated myself.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:Drinking, smoking mj.

What are your next steps?: Exercise, wearing makeup again, get counseling.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Devalued, Betrayed, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: None

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Never trust 100%

What else would you like to share?: I'd been with him 15years. I trusted him 100%. I was devastated when I found out. Depression, anger, anxiety hit me all at once. I didn't want to feel bad anymore so I took up drinking.

four hundred five (405)

Title: Emotional cheating

Your Story: Over this past weekend my partner s friend of a hers and I went out to the river, we had some drinks and smoked some weed then her friend started hitting on some guys which eventually led to her showing herself to us and I got a really good view. Later her friend asked me how we're doing I said good that I planned to marry her someday and she was like what do you really want and I was like I'm sure I wanna marry her then I told her that I used to like her a lot and she was like well same. Then on the drive home I had to take her home by ourselves because I have 2 seat truck we were talking more about our feelings and I asked to see her topless again which she did and then we hugged for awhile and I dropped her off and I haven't felt good since I broke down yesterday told my girlfriend that I liked her friend and felt bad for disrespecting her I didn't tell her what happened in the truck or that her friend said she liked me as well, then my gf said that her friend doesnt like me and that I have no chance with them and that I embarrassed her in friend of her friend by lusting. Today 2 days later I feel like shit especially because I thought I've grown from this behavior I used to be a cheater and seek people out but this all just happened and it's shown me that I'm still an asshole I wish I could control myself.

four hundred four (404)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: That i dont deserve her and im impossible.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Feel like my manhood is thrown out the window and im not that special to get to her that way

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Cant sleep nor eat well.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I masturbate and its feels im take the life out of me each time i do (sad and painful)

What are your next steps?: Eventually ill leave the relationship if i see no change from the period im expecting

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Alone, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: Useless

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Dont ever allow yourself to be loved under a condition if its like that its not the love you need in your life

What else would you like to share?: Great happiness comes from within and dont let others control that or take it away from you...life alone is hard enough to give all you have control of to places and things dont feed your soul

four hundred three (403)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Read her text messages she thought she deleted. She had been lying for over a month

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:Traumatized,betrayed,hurt,humiliated, blamed myself,anxious

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Hard to sleep,work and be around people

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:Playing games w friends and it helps for the moment but when I stop playing I think about it again

What are your next steps?: Counseling

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Afraid, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Seek help

What else would you like to share?: My girlfriend had been cheating on me with her manager who is almost twice her age. I found out in her text messages. She said she would’ve continued if I didn’t find out. We have a son together. The manager has a wife and 3 kids. Her first emotion wasn’t remorse it was fear if people finding out . I still think she justifies what she did because of the lack of affection I gave her she says. Feeling like I wasn’t there for her when she needed me

four hundred two (402)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: I suspected something when she made a suspicious comment 15 years ago about hanging out with a male friend. It never sat right with me, but she always denied anything. I had a nightmare in 2021 about it and i asked her after she got home from a long trip with our kids and she confessed to multiple affairs. .

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:Angry, shocked, disappointed, embarrassed, humiliated. Same a I felt back then.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yes. Had to quit work because I was getting angry and beginning aggressive with people. No patience. Insomnia, irregular eating patterns

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:Therapy, it has helped reduce my rage some, but she was diagnosed with a personality disorder that has made reconciliation more difficult.

What are your next steps?: Don't know. More therapy.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Cornered/Forced, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Humiliated

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Its a long haul to get better, after almost 2 years, don't know if it was worth staying.

What else would you like to share?: She had an affair with my best friend and then had a threesome with his wife. My kids soccer coach. A female coworker. An old high school friend. And a cop from Jasper Texas. She confessed to falling in love with two of them, my best friend and the cop. She almost left me for the cop, but was concerned about custody. Now, 11 years since her last one, she swears she loves me.

four hundred one (401)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I was on his phone and saw some messages. I read through the whole thread of them. My mind was in such a blur that I couldn't even tell you when it started or how. I only discovered these 2 days ago and even now I couldn't tell you exactly what was said, I can only remember certain words or a couple of specific texts

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I was so so angry. Screaming, shouting, throwing things. The came the tears and the dread...is my marriage over? What do I tell the kids? Why am I not enough?
Then the hate...who is she? Why her? What does she have that I don't

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Cant sleep or eat. Just keep riding the wave of emotions

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I'm just letting it all out. If I need to cry I do, if I need to shout I do (not at anyone, I just shout out)

What are your next steps?: We want us to work. He has promised me it was not a physical affair, it was more emotional than anything else. It's hard as it's only bee a couple of days so I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but I don't want this to be it

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Regardless of how others may have dealt with it or how your friends/family say they would deal with it you have to do what is best for you. This is your life.

What else would you like to share?: