Title: After 3 and a half years, he cheated on me, for the last time.
Your Story: So the first time it happened, was honestly disgusting. I was 15 when it happened, he was 16. I was a very insecure person, and I admit that I would overreact from time to time....
But that cannot be used as a reason to cheat, he literally told me about it 2 weeks after he cheated. He told me at his family reunion, while I was very drunk, and of course only after we had sex...
His reason... Was that he did it for revenge, fucking revenge because I was insecure and I didn't know how to not show it, just to add a important detail. I told him my insecurities before we started dating and I also told him that I struggle to keep it all in.
That was the first time, he told me that he'd understand if I wanted to break up. Thinking back on it now, it's like he did it so that he didn't have to be the one to break up...
But I said no, I told him I loved him and that I was willing to work through it, if he gives me space.
He gave me a week before he started asking for sex again... I have in, but I also threw away the last scrap of self worth I had as I did it. It actually hurt, I got an infection and I never felt the same about him after it, I let him have me, but I always felt disgusted with him and mostly myself for giving in. For giving him what he doesn't deserve, heck I didn't deserve that either but I was so young, so attached and depressed and dependent, I didn't know any better. And I kept on telling myself, it'll get better, things will go back to the way it was, but it just got worse and harder to believe it as the years passed by.
Then came my first year out of school, we decided to work together at a summer camp, called spirit of adventure. The place was amazing as well as my boss, he was a wonderful father figure who actually helped me through so much without even realising it.
Same goes to allot of the people I met that year. But of course you win some, you lose some.
We had gotten to a point where I was numb and I thought that our relationship was good again, yet I didn't really feel much of anything and I think that's why I thought so.
That year I made friends with a girl who also worked the whole year with us, we actually become best friends, utterly inseparable, we shared our diaries, our secrets, he'll I even told her things I'd never ever told another living soul, It was honestly the best friendship that I had ever experienced, she made me feel loved, helped out of that numbness and helped rebuild myself...
Too bad it was all for nothing, because she got close to the that guy I was dating. At first I thought nothing of it, it felt like I could finally trust him around other girls.
So I had a 20 day vacation that same year, and they both worked during that time, and the day before I left, we had an argument and decided that we should take a break, not break up, just take a break to give each other some space...
He saw it as an opportunity to make me pay for whatever reason he had in that messed up head of his. It's like he said, oh I'll show you I haven't changed.
After all that time we spend working on our relationship, sleepless nights talking things out and having special emotional moments together where I truly felt safe in his arms...
When I got back from the trip...
That girl, that snake of a human, told me that she and him were dating now. Not that they kissed or had a intimate night, no.
Dead ass they grew feelings for each other and started dating in the 20 days I wasn't there.
I literally walked out of the room, proceeded to give him a peace of my mind in front of everyone and stormed off into the woods to smoke and just process everything that just happened.
He begged me to take him back that same day, the fucking audacity of this guy...
I didn't, cus that was it, I couldn't take anymore, he made me reach my breaking point.
And in that moment I realised that I am utterly alone now, because the two people that I got the closest two, literally just stabbed me in the back, one wanting to crawl back to me and the other though, she fucking thought that I would be ok with it, he'll she thought I'd be happy for them...
It was August when that happened, I still had to see them, and work with them till December, and you know what's the best part. They were my only friends that I had left there. So it was honestly the most difficult, most painful, most numbing, torture that I had ever experienced in my life.
If I didn't already have trust issues to begin with, it really made it all that much worse.
At least it's been a month since I last saw them, I am finally starting to get better, and I'm finally able to move on, and not see them everyday.
It still hurts allot, I cried writing this, but honestly after I wrote it all out, I feel allot better already. I'm working through everything that I've been through and learning from it, what to look out for, what to look for and mostly how to love myself and find self worth again.
Self care has helped me immensely, I stand naked in front of the mirror while I listened to music and dance, while I put cream all over my body, it's so therapeutic, I also got into journalling, I forget some days but it always makes me feel better when I do remember to do it. Working out helps boost confidence and mental health.
I also spend more time with my family, I can finally do the things I never had time to do, like drawing, organising, hiking, etc. Spending time alone for the first few months were hard, not gonna lie. But the more I did things that made me happy, ultimately made being alone so much fun.
But the thing that helped me the most, was finding my way back to God, reading the Bible and praying everyday is so wonderful, I feel his love and I know that everything will get better, he helped me through such a difficult time, and I feel that it's the biggest reason that I decided to become the bigger person.
As hard as it was I decided to forgive them, and focus on my own life, cus honestly that's important to me, I'm not going to spend so much time obsessing over something that is over.
Good luck to everyone going through an experience with a cheater, and/or a breakup.
I wish you all the best, thank you for reading my story.
Spread the love far and wide!
God is our saviour, give him a chance and see your life change.❤️