three hundred twenty (320)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: He accidently sent me a message that was intended for another woman. I asked him about it, as it was out of context of our conversation, we said goodnight and it the out of context message came after that. He at first tried to explain it away, he said his colleague was flirting with him. I asked if I could see the messages. He first didn't want to show me, because he said it "looks worse" than it is. He did show me the messages eventually. The messages were of a sexual nature.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel alone. Sad. Heartbroken. Insignificant. Useless. Worthless. Replaceable. Angry.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleep schedule has been affected. To "protect" myself I am staying up later to make sure I am available to him.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I am exercising. It does not help at all.

What are your next steps?: To break off the relationship. We have been trying to rebuild trust. I don't ever feel that he understands the hurt he has caused me. I do not see real sustainable change. We struggle to reconnect.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: Worthless

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: It is not your fault -- I know it is very hard to belief. I struggle with this everyday. No thing you could have done gives them the right to break your trust like this. If you want to reconcile with your partner after they have cheated, you are worth the work - and they have to work damn hard to earn your trust back. You are not crazy, infidelity is a traumatizing event to experience. Your world as you know it, your whole perspective of reality has been stolen from you. They have robbed you of an informed choice to be in a relationship without honesty.

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred nineteen (319)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: i find out on August 2021, he was coming late at home and not spending time with us and i checked his phone on whatsap, that when i realise that he is seeing someone and the difficult part is he is refusing and saying that he is not dating the lady even today he is still saying that, and his mistress send me the messages that shows that they are in love with my husband and she is even carrying his child. and my husband don't want to admit this thing and is making difficult to forgive him so that we can reconcile and move forward.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: i am so hurt, painful, betrayed, scared and very dissapointed, that he is no longer loving me, after i have done so much for him, and invested my 16 years in this marriage, when i think about this whole thing i cry and he wants us to move on as if nothing has happened. the whole thing is hurting because now is affecting my children because sometimes we argue loud in front of the kids and now we cant communicate with each other, we are always quiet and spend time on our phones. and it is painful. and he even changed his password and now i am not sure if he is still dating the lady or not.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: eating too much and i am gaining weight. i can't sleep because he can't sleep at night as well, so the whole thing is disturbing us.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: when i feel i am not coping, i will call the therapist and talk, now i am talking to one of the pastor. because we have tried to go for counselling but we attended only one session and it didnt go well, so my husband said he is no longer going there, i must find another therapist.

What are your next steps?: i don't know what to do, i am so confused don't know how to deal with this situation anymore and its affecting my work, i feel tired always and i always cry .

we need help- i still feel we need to go for counselling

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: i just blame myself and drained

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: communication is very important and once in a week just spend time with your spouse a review your marriage

What else would you like to share?: what can i do to forgive my husband and for my husband to tell the truth so that we can move on.

three hundred eighteen (318)

Title: 23 years together, 19 years of marriage, 2 kids, and a 5 year affair.

Your Story: A friend called me in April 2021. She was the ex wife of one of his friends Who I never trusted. Her daughter had started working in the same workplace as him, and heard rumours.

when she told me I felt helpless. The noises that came from my body were animalistic. I just feel overwhelming sadness that he could lie to me for so long. I knew something was going on, but he was able to hide behind his job. She told me though that I didn’t sound shocked, because I wasn’t.

I have so many regrets. I hate myself for trusting so hard. I wish I’d pushed harder. I wish I’d tracked him. I wish I’d checked his phone, followed him.

I asked him outright if he was having an affair. I asked him what was wrong with our marriage. But he couldn’t be honest with me. We cried together over the years about our shared history and how we didn’t want to lose it and both said we’d work harder at our marriage.

By the time mr friend told me, it’d already been going on four years. He told me it was the biggest mistake of his life, and that he wanted our marriage to work. I gave him a second chance, told nobody and we tried to make it work for six months.

Then six months on, I knew something was up - he couldn’t look me in the eye. He started avoiding me, doing longer shifts again. I managed to pull it from him that he’d seen her again and still had feelings.

It’s over between me and him, but the way he handled it after I was willing to forgive him is what has hurt so much. He moved straight from our family home, to hers. And the worst part? He’s miserable.

She left her husband for him a few years ago. But he couldn’t leave me and our kids. And now that he has, and has moved straight in with her, he has caused so much pain and hurt, to everyone.

I feel empty, lost and can’t imagine a future. Just so fucking sad. And I have lots of anger for her. She has accepted him back with conditions, which he is adhering to like a puppet but it’s impacting how we parent.

I just cannot believe how selfish some people can be. It blows my mind. She has him. He’s left his wife and kids for her, but she still isn’t happy. I know this comes fro a place of distrust, bust she will never trust him. It’s almost teenage behaviour, which I will never forgive - she knew the minute she whipped her pants off for a married man with two kids, what she was getting into.

I am sleeping terribly. I struggle in the town we built our family life. I am avoiding certain situations and people.

Exercise helps, as does my therapist. I’ve also surrounded myself with brilliant women, because I wasn’t getting from my relationship what I needed - without realising it, I build myself a support network.

God knows where I go next. This is where I struggle.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I struggle with how others see it. People are full of advice and often anger. They tell me what they want to say to him. They think it’s helping, but he’s been my best friend for over 20 years, and he’s the dad of my boys. He wants to be with them as much as he can and deep down I know that the fella I loved is in there somewhere.

three hundred seventeen (317)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: My husband confessed to his infedelity after the affair was discovered- this was also around the time that he had got the sex out of his system/ it had fizzled out. he had been acting very strangely and getting very cross when asked about his sudden change in behaviour/ late nights at work/ secret messaging.
Gaslighting when challenged over change in behaviour.

He owned up to telling the other woman our marriage was not working. He said he was angry with me and used this anger to have sex with her. The only thing is he never gave me the impression our marriage was not working- on the contrary he was telling me how much he loved me, how we were good for each other, how we were coming up to anniversary, how much he appreciated me coming to his family events, just days before started the affair.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Heartbroken
Disbelief
Betrayed
Anguish

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: less eating

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: More sex with husband - is this wrong? Speaking to friends, exercise, mindfulness

What are your next steps?: Counselling

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Sadness, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: Confused

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Dont let your cheating partner blame you for the affair

What else would you like to share?:

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three hundred sixteen (316)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: Not sure

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Dont no if I can trust him

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Many changes

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I drink alote

What are your next steps?: Dont know

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Heart broken

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Dont trust him if he is not with you

What else would you like to share?: Nothing

three hundred fifteen (315)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: I felt something was up, off and on in our relationship I had doubts. Some times he would be disinterested and I would ask if everything was alright. He would say everything was great. I just had that feeling and it wouldn’t go away. I looked into his phone and saw evidence of a relationship with a woman from fans. She sent pictures and he would sometimes respond to her. He made a video of himself jerking off to her picture and sent it to her. There were porn movies sent to a Twitter account as well. We went to counseling and he said that was all, he lied. About 7 weeks later I found out he had an affair with a women he met at a hotel. It went on for a little over a year. He said it was 5 years ago. I found out he was sending her money right up to Christmas (now). The trust was broken and the lie again made it worse. He says that’s all and nothing else is hidden.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: My heart felt broken. My life is a lie. I have no trust in this man. He travels for work as do I. I wonder has he been screwing our whole marriage. Should I work on this with him? He’s agreed to go to counseling. He cute ties with this woman and the Twitter account. He’s deleted FANs. But can the trust be rebuilt?

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Trouble staying asleep for sure and not eating that much.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I’ve said a lot to him, I’ve tried to remain calm. I am going to counseling with him. It just feels raw and open and very vulnerable.

What are your next steps?: Continue to go to counseling . we’ve been married for 39 years… I guess I want to see if this can be salvaged. He says he will do whatever it takes to stay married.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Un appreciated, taken for granted. Worthless ugly stupid

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I’m not sure I have any advice to give. While I had that feeling of doubt it wasn’t constant and I was happy when I wasn’t suspicious.

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred fourteen (314)

Title: The regrets for cheating

Your Story: Hey pls keep me anonymous it's been 11 months since baby daddy nd i separated. Last year I cheated on him then i thought he forgave me then we continue with our relationship.. so this year i found out that he's in a relationship with another girl, he immediately dumped me as soon as i found out.. He said it's my fault that him and i separated because I broke his trust by cheating, he said he forgave me but couldn't forget that I cheated on him..



I keep on blaming myself even today for loosing him. I can't forgive myself for what I did to him. My guilt is eating me up. I feel like am stucked in life, i feel like I can't move on with life


Every night i cry because of the guilt. I even created fake Facebook account to stalk him ND her partner

How do I move on with life and forgive myself ... The thought of seeing him happy without me in his life is really killing me.. whenever he come to fetches his son i can't face him, i lock myself in my room then he takes his son nd go




I tried to be in a relationship with other guys for this 11 months but things didnt work out .. the first guy he was a shoulder to cry on i slept with him once then I cut things with him, The second guy i date him for about 3 months without sex, then i decided to break up with him because I was still missing my baby daddy, then The third guy he was 21 yrs older than me, i told him the real reason why i broke up with my baby daddy he never judge me he was all cool ND said we all make mistake, after 3 weeks of dating him i decided to give him the cake, things we cool between us but i couldn't stop missing and crying for baby daddy so i found an excuse to break up with him, i slept with him once, for two rounds.


Am 22 years old now single

three hundred thirteen (313)

Your Age: Under 20

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: more confidentmore importantstarts with couragequit

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: negative(消极的) moods make people more thoughtful.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: and European security officials said that there was no proof of any terrorist link and there could be other explanations for the use of stolen passports

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: (Often we end swallowing them down or and European security officials said that there was no proof of any terrorist link and there could be other explanations for the use of stolen passportsse they just erupt)，

What are your next steps?: and European security officials said that there was no proof of any terrorist link and there could be other explanations for the use of stolen passports

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif

What emotions are missing from the list?: and European security officials said that there was no proof of any terrorist link and there could be other explanations for the use of stolen passports

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Jonny became a weed. He was so spoiled by everyone that he couldn’t stand any hardship.

What else would you like to share?: ：Jonny became a weed. He was so spoiled by everyone that he couldn’t stand any hardship

three hundred twelve (312)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: I found out about it after taking my husband on an expensive UFC vacation to Houston for his birthday, he suddenly said he wanted a divorce. He had been talking to a "friend" on a mobile game named nessa for months claiming they were friends, didn't talk a lot, and so on but he was incredibly secretive. I would have paid more attention to the red flags (especially considering the blatant behavior and lies in retrospect) but I was taking care of out newborn baby while he spent thousands of dollars playing this game with her and talking to her while avoiding being a father and me.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel hurt, enraged, disgusted, and most of all stupid. It was all a lie and the years I put up with him and did things for him while he did little to nothing suddenly became apparent because I don't think he ever really cared. When I found out he gaslit me with his friends, family and nessa for 4 months until I was losing my mind and on the brink of suicide- then he finally admitted it. Of course he said it was my fault.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I lost 40lbs in 3 months. I couldn't sleep for weeks. I began puking because of how grossed out and stressed out it all was. I still don't eat much, don't sleep enough, and I'm dealing with the anxiety/ depression of the ordeal daily.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I went to a weekly therapist and take medication. Sometimes it works, other times it's like a knife in my stomach, cheat and mind.

What are your next steps?: He wants a divorce but every now and again he says he wants to work things out. He didn't decide to stop talking to the hoe (Nessa) until I ceased all contact with him once we both sold and moved out of our house. I think I'm done with him as the trust is gone and he still talks to other girls and makes excuses for his behavior while blaming/ gaslighting me. I'm sick of the manipulation and psychological abuse from someone who doesn't even try to be good or happy with me anymore. He says I will never get better and that I'm the problem but at this point he doesn't text, call, or do anything for me so I can clearly see he doesn't care and he will eventually do it all again. It's not worth that struggle. I'm going to focus on myself, my baby and finding someone who wants my love and wants to love me back the way I deserve.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Dead or Dissociated

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Just leave him. I worked on shit and he drove me crazy for months while he gaslit me - knowing he was cheating. They don't change. We are in therapy now and even when the therapist tells him that it was his choice and HIS fault- he insists they are stupid and it's actually me (like I paid the therapist and world to disagree with him)...

What else would you like to share?: I hope you heal and you break away from that person who treats you like shit. I hope you find yourself and someone one who will love you right. You deserve better and someone who cheats doesn't love themselves and can never love you. You know how to love and you tried with that person, but you don't owe them that effort now. You owe it to yourself.