two hundred forty nine (249)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I learnt about it through finding messages on his phone and calling the other woman

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel broken, I have lost all of my self-esteem and scared of the unknown in the future now

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I am out of a routine, I haven’t been settled anywhere for longer than a few weeks, I am not sure where my home is any more

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Keeping busy by travelling and seeing friends, however I am just prolonging having to build a new future

What are your next steps?: I need to decide where I want to live, find a full time job, implement a healthy routine and learn to love myself again

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred forty (240)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Phone calls and other guy at work ask if my wife can cheat what can I do.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Before I was angry but now I am beat calm, problem she dinies any foul play and she's pregnant

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I noticed in sleep she want only one round of intimacy round of intimacy

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I am trying, we are on and off worse part the kids know about everything.

What are your next steps?: I am still confused because I don't know the actual truth but a can see she's lying.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Strong, Betrayed, Devalued

What emotions are missing from the list?:Cheated, used pushing blame

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Since I still looking for truth try to be patient and try to be carrying but it all the same

What else would you like to share?: I don't like fights in my marriage but my wife pushing the blames always she even want separation but deeply she try I must beg.

two hundred thirty nine (239)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: The other woman had created a fake account online and was informing me that she had information about my boyfriend and could prove he was cheating on me. I confronted my boyfriend and he denied it. I blocked her and then she reached out to two of my best friends and sent screen recordings and pictures of my boyfriend. She took those pictures without his knowledge.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I'm not going to lie, I feel numb. There are moments of great sadness, that I feel deep in my soul. When I found out, I was finding out along with my friends. I was incredibly embarrassed and most of all angry. I've never felt that much anger in my life. I was shaking so much, I wanted to hit him and I am not a violent person. But now, I just feel like a piece of my heart is missing.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yesterday was the first night I was able to sleep soundly

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: We are going to couple's therapy and I have been talking to my high school best friend and one of my best friends about it (one of them that learned at the same time I did). It's sorta helping, but I am not sure if it is enough. I still feel numb.

What are your next steps?: We're going to therapy, he's gone to individual therapy. He's willing to do whatever it takes to win me back. He's determined to give me all his passwords, his icloud information, everything to assure me. But I don't know if it's too little too late. If I should just cut my losses and leave...not one red flag this man has shown me. All his friends and family are shocked by this, his mom saying how out of character this is ...I truly don't know what to do.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Empowered, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?:Disgusted

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Don't blame yourself; this is not your fault. They are dealing with some issues that they need to work on. This has nothing to do with you or your value.

What else would you like to share?: I hope my future self is thankful for whatever I decide to do... if only I can figure out what that is. I don't want to sound/look pathetic for trying to make it work. Nor do I want to regret giving our relationship another try, I simply don't know and it's driving me insane.

two hundred thirty eight (238)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: I caught him

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: At first I was willing to forgive but now after 3 years of knowing I saw him for who he really is and I don’t like him. It was all an act.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yes

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I embrace my emotions and I am on anxiety medication.

What are your next steps?: I am stuck so I don’t know.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?:Indifference

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Dowhat is best for you

What else would you like to share?: What is best for you.

two hundred thirty seven (237)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Phone messages

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Shattered, broken, confused

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Eating less and sometimes waking up in the middle of the night

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Prayer and talking to people

What are your next steps?: Talking to my pastor to pave a way forward

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?:Resentment

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: To find somebody to talk to

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred thirty six (236)

Title: Fooled for 32 years

Your Story: I was just 20 when I met my husband. Tim seemed too good to be true. He was intelligent, handsome, great company and was adored by everyone. I fell in love quickly and we married in 1992. Life was kind to us. We both had great jobs, were blessed with two beautiful children, afforded beautiful homes, holidays and had an interesting social life. I was so very happy and loved/ respected my husband beyond measure. On 12th June 2019 that beautiful life ended. I received a text from a woman telling me that she was having an affair with my husband and that it was serious. She also informed me that she was not his first affair. She shared with me all the unkind things he had said about me. I think she wanted me to kick him out. When it became clear that she was not his future and that we would be trying to mend our marriage, she sent their 'sexts' to me and my children. She also phoned his boss and sent me further messages and evidence in the post. I had to involve the police as the harassment was too much. Over the next few weeks I discovered that Tim had in the past behaved inappropriately with some of our friends but sadly they had decided not to share this with me until now. They are no longer my friends. I asked Tim for the truth...all of it. He grabbed a pen and scribbled a list on a scrap of paper. Its was a list of the women he had slept with and the dates of his encounters....one in 1994 when I was pregnant, another in 1997 when our little girl was just two. He often snogged women in nightclubs and on hockey tours but didn't have extra marital sex again until 2017 shortly before we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. 3 years post D-day I am suffering from ptsd. I never suspected that my husband was a liar and a cheat. I thought he was truly wonderful. He has always told me every day that he loves me and I couldn't have loved him more. You will all be asking why I stayed. I ask myself why I stayed. I guess Tim always made me feel so loved and adored in a way that my parents never did. I am still processing the knowledge that Tim is not the man I thought he was.

two hundred thirty five (235)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Through my youngest children. They found all the evidence on the phone and the laptop given to them during the Covid 19 incident

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Hurt, angry and in despair. Betrayed. I stopped trusting

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I have insomnia, no appetite

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Sleeping pills and anxiety pills. Have started going to see the therapist and the psychiatrist

What are your next steps?: Divorce

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:None

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: To be strong enough to accept things that we can never change

What else would you like to share?: There is life after the betrayal . I may be hard to deal with this issue but we need to get help in order to overcome this problem, especially if you have children that depend upon you.

two hundred thirty four (234)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I found phone records showing very frequent phone calls to this one number (before he died). Plus after he died, I found more evidence on his phone (text messages, explicit videos of his infidelity) confirming everything.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Pain, hurt and anger. A lot of anger

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Not eating or sleeping that well

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Talking to friends and family. I even talk to him to express my anger.

What are your next steps?: I really don’t know

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Leave the relationship. It’s not worth it. Love yourself enough to walk away. I was in the process of divorcing him but he passed away before I could

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred thirty three (233)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: I had a bad feeling, my husband was acting very differently after the recent birth of our child. I looked through his phone and found Instagram messages between him and his co worker, and saw a locked texting app he was using to talk to her.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt incredibly hurt and angry upon finding out. He would not show me the messages on the texting app. Has denied anything occurred besides flirting. He has now locked his phone so I have no access and he’s becoming more and more withdrawn from me, even almost a year later.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Not sleeping well. I’m binge eating and have gained weight because of it.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Alcohol and food. Neither is working.

What are your next steps?: Either a divorce or a separation. I don’t think we can reconcile.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Worthlessness.

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Leave.

What else would you like to share?: I’m really upset that I’m going through this with a one year old and he still wants to make me miserable and not work on our marriage.

two hundred thirty two (232)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: I knew something was wrong about 6 month ago when the guy I was dating casually since a year invited me to see him in his hometown. I thought we are finally getting more serious and taking the next step. Right after the trip I got messages on social media from a girl, pretending she is his girlfriend. He said she is crazy and this isnt true & I have to ignore her! I reached out to some of his friends and they confirmed that they have never heared or met this girl. At this point only they met me! I believed it & ignored it! Our relationship continued and got more serious. He showed more effort and we went on a trip together. Last day of the trip I got a message from this girl again. I confronted him & showed him, he denied it! I found out now thru his friends that he has been dating her & me the same time. But she is crazy too and claims that they are engaged and bought a place together but I know its not true! He lived a double life/relationship with her & me the same time.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Horrible, my world collapsed, I thought this will never happen to me. I consider myself as a strong independent women but it hit me harder than i thought

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: First I stopped eating now I eat because i’m frustrated! I can sleep ok because I take cbd or drink a glass of wine

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: When I’m busy at work i’m ok! I feel distracted and focus on work. In the evening and at night I feel sad & lonely

What are your next steps?: Idk I’m super confused! I never loved someone like this. My past relationships I wasnt really in love, I was more if the bad person in the past relationships. This time it is the other way around!! First when I found out & when I talked to him I was sure that this it it, that this is over but now I’m kinda confused about my feelings and i’m willing to work things out and built a future together. If this would happen to any of my friends I would tell them to dump that guy but now i’m in those shoes & I just don’t wanna end it yet. I tried to distract myself and go on dates but it actualky makes me more sad bcs the person isn’t like him! I go home and cry after a date, so I guess I shouldnt do it bcs it makes me wanna go back to him!

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: I feel like i’m in the wrong movie!

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Listen to your heart but also your gut

What else would you like to share?: Don’t listen to friends or other peoples advice. I try to be quiet and focus on myself & listen to my inner voice