three hundred eleven (311)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: Partner keeping his phone on silence and having unusual ins and outs

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Betrayed, unloved, and shattered

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Less appetite. Less sleep

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Silence and prayer

What are your next steps?: Leaving him

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Surprised

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Once you see unfamiliar actions once leave the relationship

What else would you like to share?: Don't count the years you have been in a relationship. Don't sell yourself short. You are a woman of substance value yourself

three hundred ten (310)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Found text messages on his phone

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Betrayed, loss of my best friend, angry, hurt, shattered, completely lost trust in him

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Eating much less

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I am not coping well at all. I have no skills to get past this.

What are your next steps?: Trying to find counseling

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Cornered/Forced, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I have no advice

What else would you like to share?: I’m a cancer patient and I really depended on him. I thought he was my friend. He’s been going to appointments treatments etc and detailing everything about my cancer situation to her. And saying I have a year left to live.

three hundred nine (309)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: Gut feeling. Looked at phone records and he was talking to someone for hours after I went to bed. Had GPS on his truck and he was not honest on where he was. Found his credit card bill with hotel charge.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Devastated then and still now. Some days better than others. Still together, he admitted to this but no sex involved. I only believe that because he has a ED issue. But if he didn't have the ED problem he certainly would of went through with it. She is married and they are in an open relationship.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Eating has been hard, sleeping is not great either.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Talking with a friend. Support group on line

What are your next steps?: Trying to work through it with him. We have talked but he doesn't want me to keep bringing it up. I have triggers and I don't always approach the situation with him well, I feel out of control a lot.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Heartbroken

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I don't know

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred eight (308)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: Text messages on his Apple Watch

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel lost…alone…I feel like I’m dying and there is only one person with the cure. My husband, my other half, my best friend could fix everything, but he won’t. Can’t? He may be incapable, but I’m starting to think I’m incapable of leaving him. I hate him so much for this.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Everything has changed. It’s like that life died and I have to learn how to live a different way, The route and ending he chose for me. The route of excruciating pain…emotionally killing my physical being.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I research and research and try and get my husband to do the same so he can help guide us in the corrrwct direction. He repeatedly says “Why? It doesn’t matter what I do. You’re just gonna keep bringing it up and bringing it up. It’s all your communication problems with everyone in your life. You are rhe provlem!”
In other words…no; it is not working.

What are your next steps?: I have no idea:

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Devastation. Pain.

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: To the betrayed: I’m so very sorry for how you feel now and/or how you’re going to be feeling soon. Don’t assume the truth is being told to you now! Chances are; it’s not, completely!

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred seven (307)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: She got home from a work Christmas party and she was showing me something on her phone when a text notification popped up from a number I didn’t know and I saw it and questioned who it was from and when she didn’t answer I grabbed the phone and saw enough to figure out what was going on.. before I could read all the texts she managed to lock the screen. I think it’s a co-worker but she denied that.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel betrayed , stupid, lost, alone, and unlovable.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I couldn’t sleep at all last night, I have no drive to do anything but mope around and ask why me?

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Weed. A little.

What are your next steps?: Idk.. Ik I have to move out ..I will probably try to go stay with my brother .

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Numb

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I have no advice ..I need advice myself

What else would you like to share?: After I found out she still wouldn’t let me see the texts between them.

three hundred six (306)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: Discovered a text on his phone

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Alone, sad, cast aside like trash

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Cannot eat, sleep is intermittent

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Journaling, prayer, talking to friends and family. Its seems to help sometimes but on my days off of work i am besot with grief

What are your next steps?: I don’t know

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Cannot describe

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I have none

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred five (305)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: He called me and told me.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I have hatred for them both. I feel betrayed, alone, numb, in shock.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I can't eat. I have to sedate myself to sleep.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Talking to my therapist and some close friends. Hiding out in nature.

What are your next steps?: I don't know

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: Enraged and hatred

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Talk to a therapist and listen to your gut.

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred four (304)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: On his phone

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: numb,shocked ,hurt,angry,belittled

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: yes

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: reading other. Peoples experience

What are your next steps?: trying to over come the anger i just cant move on

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: one day at a time

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred three (303)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: I saw text on my husbands phone. Mostly benign/work related as he had started a new job after 20 years, but I quickly noticed the familiarity and a little hint of flirtation from the new coworker. She sent at least 2 text that said “she missed him” when he wasn’t in the office - even though they had only know each other a short time. He has “shut it down” according to him, but my gut tells me there is more than I can see and more than he will share. I didn’t see the text(granted they were not deleted) for several months and in that time there have been a lot of phone calls etc. I never questioned my husband because he has been that guy who everyone knew was committed to his family and to me. This has blindsided me I do not believe anything physical has happened (yet), but I find myself wanting out of this 25 year relationship because he WAS so trustworthy and we both agreed to what would and would not be OK in our marriage - and honestly- even emotional infidelity was kind of a deal breaker. He is very “ashamed” and says he has never been attracted to her - thank God she isn’t some hot young thing - she is just kind of.. meh.. average. But there was something there and I know it and I believe he does as well. We are in counseling, but he has to still work with her day to day and I feel like a fool.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Hurt beyond belief. Blindsided. The last year we had been closer than ever. Angry. Sad.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I can’t sleep. I think about the “how far would it have gone”if I hadn’t seen the text or how far did it go and I just don’t know it.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Prayer. Talking to a few close, trusted friends. Therapy. Drinking. Numbing out.

What are your next steps?: I have no idea. My mother died this year. Our kids are grown. These were supposed to be the best years of our lives and now I feel like I live with a stranger. He is so remorseful, but it falls on deaf ears to me. I don’t want him to be sorry forever, but I feel like I do not even know him.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Empowered, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I have none

What else would you like to share?: Any advice would be helpful towards healing. I do not believe there was a full on affair but there was someone who actively pursued my husband and he didn’t keep good boundaries up. I don’t believe it ever became physical, but could or would it have if I hadn’t found out and what do I do now that our trust is broken?

three hundred two (302)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: When a child of someone who worked for me and was very close to my family came knocking on my door looking for her father...guess what the father was my husband. Painful

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: When I found out I was disappointed,disbelief,betrayed by the one who should be protecting me instead of bringing sexual diseases in my life and bringing alk the soulties they had with people they slept with.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Nothing changed as I gave my burdens to God. I can't carry all this pain it is heavy on my heart.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: At first I went to the doctor so he gives me something for the pain as I had chest pain. But now i just pray.

What are your next steps?: Living my life as if is the last day. Loving me and taking care of me.Loving my children I have 4and teaching them NEVER to trust anyone but GOD.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Strong, Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?: I don't know

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Never trust anyone. I was betrayed by someone who knew me ,came to my children's parties. I never suspected her in any way. She slept with my husband and even got pregnant and had a child kept their dirty little secret for 22years nut God answered my prayers

What else would you like to share?: People are wicked. I will NEVER sleep with another person's husband or boyfriend especially when I know you. What kind 2a human being does that?