three hundred one (301)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: He told me, it was a friend of his of 15 years, they got close whilst watching a movie one night when I was away for work. He tells me it was just a kiss. But he only admitted it because he felt forced to do so as we were currently getting a mortgage together and the final letter and signatures were about to be posted.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Like my heart has been ripped out. Ultimate pain and grief, sadness, betrayal, upset, sick, angry, in denial, lost.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I'm barely eating, and only sleeping because the crying is exhausting

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I tried to talk to friends but it's not really helping me find any answers. I text the other woman (his friend), she blocked me. I started self harming again. Nothing makes the pain easier...

What are your next steps?: I have to decide whether to walk away and have it change all my house and work related plans, or whether to try and forgive him and work through it... Any advice?

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: It's not your fault

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred (300)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: The other woman told me

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Devastated , shocked, angry, foolish

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: No

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Couples Therapy , self care

What are your next steps?: Move on

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Afraid, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Stupid

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:Therapy

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred ninety nine (299)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: He told me by video call whilst I was away to see my family for a couple of days that he got drunk and slept with a coworker. Turned out he lied and had actually slept with her multiple times.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt so stupid and naive. I knew we were working on things but we'd had sex the day before I left...

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I wasn't eating or sleeping right for over a week and then caught covid, probably due to my immune system being lowered due to the stress.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Weekly therapy sessions. Blocked him after he revealed about the multiple cheating occasions. It's a bit better but still feel a lot of blame for somehow not being enough.

What are your next steps?: Working on myself and staying busy with work and friends. He's no longer in my life but I miss him most days.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Worthless

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: You will always be enough. They did not value what they had.

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred ninety eight (298)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: I found a text msg , although I did actually find that he had searched her in instagram 3 months previously..that he denied ..

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: When I found out I was completely manic , I took his phone and went through it finding phone records text the girl , his friends etc to find out any information I could . Now I just feel completely devastated now I know what was going on and how long for .. I feel completely heartbroken.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I didn’t sleep or eat at all really for the first 6 weeks ..

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I don’t think I am coping really

What are your next steps?: Trying to move forward and make it work , although I am really struggling

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?: I’d really like any advice anyone could give me on how to move forward

two hundred ninety seven (297)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: First discovered emails 3 years ago.
He said he cut things off.
Then admitted 4 months ago to continuing the affair for 6 years.
Prior to the long term affair, he was fucking around with randos for 2 years.
So he cheated for 8 years out of our 15 year marriage and 22 years together.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt like shit then and now. I felt lower than low. Unworthy of anything good. Like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me. Like I fell into the twilight zone. Nothing felt real. I still struggle with this new reality and re-writing of my history.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I have nightmares, flashbacks, re-enactments. All torture. Anxiety and panic attacks. I lost 20 lbs. I never feel hungry anymore.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Music.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes it makes things worse.

What are your next steps?: Therapy.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Anxious. Depleted. Sick.

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:Don’t get married.

What else would you like to share?: Fuck you Rachel

two hundred ninety five (295)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: I cheated on her

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Not feeling good but I’m learning and changing for the better..

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: At first yes but not anymore

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Praying meditation

What are your next steps?: Trying to rebuild a new relationship with my soulmate

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred ninety six (296)

Title: Stupid in love

Your Story: He was the love of my life. We met and everything fell in place. Our connection, our love, our passion. Everyone could see it and looked on with envy. We couldn’t see anything else but each other. We married after 8 years of living together, ready for the next chapter together. And after 2 kids and 6 years of marriage his internal alarm clock went off. He was missing out. Missing on experiences. Missing on life. I was exhausted from working 50 hour weeks and being up all night with a 2 and 4 year old. He worked nights. I worked days. A disconnect between us started to grow. He always wanted to go out partying. I was too tired to think and mostly wondered, Why isn’t he helping more? 
His partying started to last longer thru the nights until he was coming home frequently at 4-6am.
It took years to get enough courage to invade his privacy and check his email.
They say, you always find what you’re looking for… I found it.
Emails and photos from a woman who turned out to be his girlfriend of 3 years.
They went on to continue the affair another 3 years after my first discovery.
I was an idiot. Blinded by love and some serious gaslighting. It wasn’t fair. Still isn’t.

And the person I hate the most? Me.

two hundred ninety four (294)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Came home rip discover my wife at home with the builder

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Everything changed in that moment and very sad

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Not sleeping nor wrong much

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Trying to be positive and work on marriage (have children together)

What are your next steps?: To repair the relationship but..

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Be strong

What else would you like to share?: I feel alone and need help here

two hundred ninety three (293)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: i can't believe her.feel helpless,self-denial,her words and sentence disgust me ,because it extremely shocked my feeling for the word.i hate the contact with her.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: i don't care.it means i'm going to cut her out of my important world.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: lack of attention about eating and sleeping.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: eating more and sleep more hour.

What are your next steps?: cope with my more important thing in first.attach important to my life and my attention.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Sadness, Alone, Voiceless, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: share and feel i am important to myself

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:friendly comunication with somebody,talk about yours trust feelings.

What else would you like to share?: brave and don't care why alway be misunderstanded, go along with your friendly partner.

two hundred ninety two (292)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: In 2017, he started telling me that he no longer wanted to be married and wanted to get away from me. This was out of the blue. I checked his phone records and found two numbers that he called often. I did a reverse look-up and was able to put names to the numbers. I found every bit of information about the two women and learned one was a relative of his best friend. The other was in another state. Then he started taking weekend trips without me. Wouldn’t even tell me where he was going. So, I left work early on the Friday he was to leave and I followed him. He (we, separately) drove three hours to another state to meet up with this woman at a hotel. I watched them from across the street and took pictures of them together. I did this for three weekends straight before I confronted him. He denied everything. I haven’t told him that I have pictures. We’re still together, but I went through his phone and found out he’s watching porn! We have had sex less than 10 times in five years.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt betrayed, hurt, shame, angry, and sad. Now, five years later I feel unwanted, ugly, and lonely. I take medicine for major depression and l talk to a therapist. I seldom have good days.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I sleep more. I’d rather sleep than be awake thinking about his bad decisions.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Pretend and no, it’s not working. I never fully got over finding out about the other women. Now that I know he’s watching porn, I’m seeing a therapist to help me sort my thoughts so I can make a decision to stay or leave.

What are your next steps?: To heal. I’m going to continue therapy. I’m learning more about who I am and what I’m capable of doing. Slow, but steady progress.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Heartbroken

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I’m not in a position to give advice yet.

What else would you like to share?: I’m 50 and he is 52. We have been together 28 years.