Title: 23 years together, 19 years of marriage, 2 kids, and a 5 year affair.
Your Story: A friend called me in April 2021. She was the ex wife of one of his friends Who I never trusted. Her daughter had started working in the same workplace as him, and heard rumours.
when she told me I felt helpless. The noises that came from my body were animalistic. I just feel overwhelming sadness that he could lie to me for so long. I knew something was going on, but he was able to hide behind his job. She told me though that I didn’t sound shocked, because I wasn’t.
I have so many regrets. I hate myself for trusting so hard. I wish I’d pushed harder. I wish I’d tracked him. I wish I’d checked his phone, followed him.
I asked him outright if he was having an affair. I asked him what was wrong with our marriage. But he couldn’t be honest with me. We cried together over the years about our shared history and how we didn’t want to lose it and both said we’d work harder at our marriage.
By the time mr friend told me, it’d already been going on four years. He told me it was the biggest mistake of his life, and that he wanted our marriage to work. I gave him a second chance, told nobody and we tried to make it work for six months.
Then six months on, I knew something was up - he couldn’t look me in the eye. He started avoiding me, doing longer shifts again. I managed to pull it from him that he’d seen her again and still had feelings.
It’s over between me and him, but the way he handled it after I was willing to forgive him is what has hurt so much. He moved straight from our family home, to hers. And the worst part? He’s miserable.
She left her husband for him a few years ago. But he couldn’t leave me and our kids. And now that he has, and has moved straight in with her, he has caused so much pain and hurt, to everyone.
I feel empty, lost and can’t imagine a future. Just so fucking sad. And I have lots of anger for her. She has accepted him back with conditions, which he is adhering to like a puppet but it’s impacting how we parent.
I just cannot believe how selfish some people can be. It blows my mind. She has him. He’s left his wife and kids for her, but she still isn’t happy. I know this comes fro a place of distrust, bust she will never trust him. It’s almost teenage behaviour, which I will never forgive - she knew the minute she whipped her pants off for a married man with two kids, what she was getting into.
I am sleeping terribly. I struggle in the town we built our family life. I am avoiding certain situations and people.
Exercise helps, as does my therapist. I’ve also surrounded myself with brilliant women, because I wasn’t getting from my relationship what I needed - without realising it, I build myself a support network.
God knows where I go next. This is where I struggle.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I struggle with how others see it. People are full of advice and often anger. They tell me what they want to say to him. They think it’s helping, but he’s been my best friend for over 20 years, and he’s the dad of my boys. He wants to be with them as much as he can and deep down I know that the fella I loved is in there somewhere.