Your Age: 31-40
Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago
How did you learn about it?: i find out on August 2021, he was coming late at home and not spending time with us and i checked his phone on whatsap, that when i realise that he is seeing someone and the difficult part is he is refusing and saying that he is not dating the lady even today he is still saying that, and his mistress send me the messages that shows that they are in love with my husband and she is even carrying his child. and my husband don't want to admit this thing and is making difficult to forgive him so that we can reconcile and move forward.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: i am so hurt, painful, betrayed, scared and very dissapointed, that he is no longer loving me, after i have done so much for him, and invested my 16 years in this marriage, when i think about this whole thing i cry and he wants us to move on as if nothing has happened. the whole thing is hurting because now is affecting my children because sometimes we argue loud in front of the kids and now we cant communicate with each other, we are always quiet and spend time on our phones. and it is painful. and he even changed his password and now i am not sure if he is still dating the lady or not.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: eating too much and i am gaining weight. i can't sleep because he can't sleep at night as well, so the whole thing is disturbing us.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: when i feel i am not coping, i will call the therapist and talk, now i am talking to one of the pastor. because we have tried to go for counselling but we attended only one session and it didnt go well, so my husband said he is no longer going there, i must find another therapist.
What are your next steps?: i don't know what to do, i am so confused don't know how to deal with this situation anymore and its affecting my work, i feel tired always and i always cry .
we need help- i still feel we need to go for counselling
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: i just blame myself and drained
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: communication is very important and once in a week just spend time with your spouse a review your marriage
What else would you like to share?: what can i do to forgive my husband and for my husband to tell the truth so that we can move on.