Your Age: 51 +
Length of Relationship : 21 years or more
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)
How did you learn about it?: I felt something was up, off and on in our relationship I had doubts. Some times he would be disinterested and I would ask if everything was alright. He would say everything was great. I just had that feeling and it wouldn’t go away. I looked into his phone and saw evidence of a relationship with a woman from fans. She sent pictures and he would sometimes respond to her. He made a video of himself jerking off to her picture and sent it to her. There were porn movies sent to a Twitter account as well. We went to counseling and he said that was all, he lied. About 7 weeks later I found out he had an affair with a women he met at a hotel. It went on for a little over a year. He said it was 5 years ago. I found out he was sending her money right up to Christmas (now). The trust was broken and the lie again made it worse. He says that’s all and nothing else is hidden.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: My heart felt broken. My life is a lie. I have no trust in this man. He travels for work as do I. I wonder has he been screwing our whole marriage. Should I work on this with him? He’s agreed to go to counseling. He cute ties with this woman and the Twitter account. He’s deleted FANs. But can the trust be rebuilt?
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Trouble staying asleep for sure and not eating that much.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I’ve said a lot to him, I’ve tried to remain calm. I am going to counseling with him. It just feels raw and open and very vulnerable.
What are your next steps?: Continue to go to counseling . we’ve been married for 39 years… I guess I want to see if this can be salvaged. He says he will do whatever it takes to stay married.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: Un appreciated, taken for granted. Worthless ugly stupid
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I’m not sure I have any advice to give. While I had that feeling of doubt it wasn’t constant and I was happy when I wasn’t suspicious.
What else would you like to share?: