Your Age: 21-30
Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months
How did you learn about it?: He accidently sent me a message that was intended for another woman. I asked him about it, as it was out of context of our conversation, we said goodnight and it the out of context message came after that. He at first tried to explain it away, he said his colleague was flirting with him. I asked if I could see the messages. He first didn't want to show me, because he said it "looks worse" than it is. He did show me the messages eventually. The messages were of a sexual nature.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel alone. Sad. Heartbroken. Insignificant. Useless. Worthless. Replaceable. Angry.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleep schedule has been affected. To "protect" myself I am staying up later to make sure I am available to him.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I am exercising. It does not help at all.
What are your next steps?: To break off the relationship. We have been trying to rebuild trust. I don't ever feel that he understands the hurt he has caused me. I do not see real sustainable change. We struggle to reconnect.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible
What emotions are missing from the list?: Worthless
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: It is not your fault -- I know it is very hard to belief. I struggle with this everyday. No thing you could have done gives them the right to break your trust like this. If you want to reconcile with your partner after they have cheated, you are worth the work - and they have to work damn hard to earn your trust back. You are not crazy, infidelity is a traumatizing event to experience. Your world as you know it, your whole perspective of reality has been stolen from you. They have robbed you of an informed choice to be in a relationship without honesty.
What else would you like to share?: