Your Age: 21-30
Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months
How did you learn about it?: I found out about it after taking my husband on an expensive UFC vacation to Houston for his birthday, he suddenly said he wanted a divorce. He had been talking to a "friend" on a mobile game named nessa for months claiming they were friends, didn't talk a lot, and so on but he was incredibly secretive. I would have paid more attention to the red flags (especially considering the blatant behavior and lies in retrospect) but I was taking care of out newborn baby while he spent thousands of dollars playing this game with her and talking to her while avoiding being a father and me.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel hurt, enraged, disgusted, and most of all stupid. It was all a lie and the years I put up with him and did things for him while he did little to nothing suddenly became apparent because I don't think he ever really cared. When I found out he gaslit me with his friends, family and nessa for 4 months until I was losing my mind and on the brink of suicide- then he finally admitted it. Of course he said it was my fault.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I lost 40lbs in 3 months. I couldn't sleep for weeks. I began puking because of how grossed out and stressed out it all was. I still don't eat much, don't sleep enough, and I'm dealing with the anxiety/ depression of the ordeal daily.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I went to a weekly therapist and take medication. Sometimes it works, other times it's like a knife in my stomach, cheat and mind.
What are your next steps?: He wants a divorce but every now and again he says he wants to work things out. He didn't decide to stop talking to the hoe (Nessa) until I ceased all contact with him once we both sold and moved out of our house. I think I'm done with him as the trust is gone and he still talks to other girls and makes excuses for his behavior while blaming/ gaslighting me. I'm sick of the manipulation and psychological abuse from someone who doesn't even try to be good or happy with me anymore. He says I will never get better and that I'm the problem but at this point he doesn't text, call, or do anything for me so I can clearly see he doesn't care and he will eventually do it all again. It's not worth that struggle. I'm going to focus on myself, my baby and finding someone who wants my love and wants to love me back the way I deserve.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced, Relieved
What emotions are missing from the list?: Dead or Dissociated
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Just leave him. I worked on shit and he drove me crazy for months while he gaslit me - knowing he was cheating. They don't change. We are in therapy now and even when the therapist tells him that it was his choice and HIS fault- he insists they are stupid and it's actually me (like I paid the therapist and world to disagree with him)...
What else would you like to share?: I hope you heal and you break away from that person who treats you like shit. I hope you find yourself and someone one who will love you right. You deserve better and someone who cheats doesn't love themselves and can never love you. You know how to love and you tried with that person, but you don't owe them that effort now. You owe it to yourself.