two hundred eleven (211)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: My story is abit different from the norm, we were seeing eachother for more than 15 years. She is married I'm married. It started before she got married while i was married already. We were on and off during these 15 + years. She mentioned that she wanted to be my 2nd wife. In the last 5years i fell more and more inlove with her. I believe that we will eventually end up together. She had 2 kids myself had 3. That was never a problem for me. She made me believe that nothing happening at home. But on our last meet She informed me she was pregnant. Not from me.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I'm devasted.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleeping disorder

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: It's difficult

What are your next steps?: I don't know

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness, Replaced, Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?: NA

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Don't let go

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred ten (210)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: She left voice messages and posted pictures her and MY husband on her FB page.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I was outraged, crushed and utterly disrespected.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Lost appetite and lost 25 lbs in 2 months. Barely slept. I became consumed with it all.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Prayer, reading GODS WORD, and working out, therapy… self/love

What are your next steps?: I’m not sure.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Pray and love Yourself!

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred nine (209)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: This infidelity has been occurring throughout my relationship - I'd been told it had stopped about 6 months in, but have never shaken the feeling that something didn't ring true. I did the worst thing, and checked his phone, on which I found a sexual message to his ex girlfriend, that had been sent that morning.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I have spent the entire relationship feeling unloved, feeling second best, feeling like a consolation prize, comparing myself to his ex, and not feeling good enough. I am broken. I am in agony, 24/7. I feel hatred towards him and I feel hatred towards her, and I don't even know her. But I hate what she represents in my life.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I'm barely eating, I'm not sleeping i just want to cry all the time.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I'm working hard, I spend most of my time at work, so I can distract myself.

What are your next steps?: I don't know.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?:Frustration, unloved, unattractive.

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred eight (208)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: We were going through a difficult time and I noticed odd behaviour, I checked his work emails and to my disbelief found proof .

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Completely and utterly betrayed. Hurt and angry beyond belief.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I don't sleep anymore, it's been difficult to keep focus.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I am seeing a therapist but it's not as easy when you have additional issues as well.

What are your next steps?: Getting back on track to be strong for my children.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: All are listed

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: It's never easy and there's no way to tell when and how it happens. Make sure you have a supportive structure.

What else would you like to share?: Always be true to yourself no matter how hard it is.

two hundred seven (207)

Your Age: Under 20

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Actions. Exchange of pornographic videos videos. Voice messages on phones. Facebook charts

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt mad to an extent of seeing suicide as a solution

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Lack of sleep and worying

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Self counselling. To some extent. Anger is still there I want to punish the perpetrator.

What are your next steps?: I do not know. Still thinking about it.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:Confused

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Stay come less you do something stupid

What else would you like to share?: Discovered a relationship that more than twenty year.

national suicide prevention lifeline: 1-800-273-8255*

two hundred six (206)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Watching him hiding on a phone call

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Shaking inside, confused and confounded

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleeping is erratic

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Counseling 
It helps but it does not completely stop pain

What are your next steps?: Not sure what to do

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?:Broken heart

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Seek help

What else would you like to share?: It does not go away.

two hundred five (205)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Phone call from her coworker

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Terrible trauma

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yes

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Listen to music

What are your next steps?: Try and stop thinking about it.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Devalued

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I am not sure yet.

What else would you like to share?: We even had an agreement, that she would not cheat . But, she did anyway.

two hundred four (204)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: Found voicemails to another woman on the computer

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: When I found out, I think I already something was going on. Then of course I was an open wound, raw and hurt.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: At first I didn’t eat or sleep. I was a total wreck. I am doing better.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Friends, looking for a therapist, reading a lot about betrayal, relationships and communication, which we never seem to be able to do for 34 years.

What are your next steps?: Process of divorce. I feel right now I am just floating. No future, no plans. Scared, alone, floating.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Seek help, find someone to talk to. You are not crazy, you are not alone.

What else would you like to share?: Breathe. Stay still and breathe.

two hundred three (203)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I saw she had no texts from her boss she texts with constantly. Then I watched that a bit and all texts from him were always deleted. He was going through a divorce so she would say things about how his wife was empowered to leave and find love before she spent another 20 years with someone she didn’t love. Then she went on a trip with a girl friend except she went one day before her friend could join. For some reason that Sunday I signed onto her AppleID at home and saw her texting her boss. Then I found where she stayed the day before she met her friend, a cozy romantic yurt. As the texts rolled in through the day all my fears were realized. She had setup a rendezvous and was utterly happy. Meanwhile texting me during the day and talking to the kids on FaceTime before he arrived. She said she wanted to elope, she said she was sore from the wild sex. I feel like I saw how she felt in a way I can never un-see or forget.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: When I found out I was shaking and so thirsty and not hungry. I didn’t know what to do, should I tell her or wait and see more of what was really in her heart. She figured out her texts were on iCloud and shut it off so I had to confront her or I would have no idea what was happening going forward. I want us to be better. We had some really good talks about how she hurt me and I had been hurting her. It seems she wants to work on us but there are little things that she is keeping from me. The gps is off in her car, she changed her iCloud password, she is guarding her Verizon access. I don’t know what to make of all that.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Some lack of appetite. Not sleeping so well. I want to trust her but am finding myself snooping because I don’t know that I can trust it’s over with the other guy.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Told a couple good friends. Need counseling.

What are your next steps?: I guess just keep working on me and loving her the best I can.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:Utterly hurt, inadequate, torn between letting go or pursuing

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I don’t know yet.

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred two (202)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Affair partner messaged me about a year ago and told me of her 5 year affair with my husband 20 years ago.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I was devastated!! Totally in shock!!! My husband is a loving, amazing man. It totally took me by surprise!!! We are slowly healing as we do the work to understand how we got here.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: They did, normalizing again now.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Prayer, therapy, marriage intensive, support group, affair recovery seminar. They are all helping. Writing our story together as we go along.

What are your next steps?: Allowing myself the space to feel the pain and sadness when it hits. Working very hard on our intimacy”into me see”. Being very open and honest about our feelings and working through our past.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Pain, unloveable

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Do the work to go thru the emotions. As long as it takes. Be impeccable about self care and honesty. Be compassionate with yourself and your mate.

What else would you like to share?: This is by far the deepest pain, hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s not over yet, but God is bringing about the good only he can by growing my husband and I and bringing us to a place of much greater love and intimacy.