Your Age: 51 +
Length of Relationship : 21 years or more
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago
How did you learn about it?: Affair partner messaged me about a year ago and told me of her 5 year affair with my husband 20 years ago.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I was devastated!! Totally in shock!!! My husband is a loving, amazing man. It totally took me by surprise!!! We are slowly healing as we do the work to understand how we got here.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: They did, normalizing again now.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Prayer, therapy, marriage intensive, support group, affair recovery seminar. They are all helping. Writing our story together as we go along.
What are your next steps?: Allowing myself the space to feel the pain and sadness when it hits. Working very hard on our intimacy”into me see”. Being very open and honest about our feelings and working through our past.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: Pain, unloveable
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Do the work to go thru the emotions. As long as it takes. Be impeccable about self care and honesty. Be compassionate with yourself and your mate.
What else would you like to share?: This is by far the deepest pain, hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s not over yet, but God is bringing about the good only he can by growing my husband and I and bringing us to a place of much greater love and intimacy.