Your Age: 31-40
Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days
How did you learn about it?: I saw she had no texts from her boss she texts with constantly. Then I watched that a bit and all texts from him were always deleted. He was going through a divorce so she would say things about how his wife was empowered to leave and find love before she spent another 20 years with someone she didn’t love. Then she went on a trip with a girl friend except she went one day before her friend could join. For some reason that Sunday I signed onto her AppleID at home and saw her texting her boss. Then I found where she stayed the day before she met her friend, a cozy romantic yurt. As the texts rolled in through the day all my fears were realized. She had setup a rendezvous and was utterly happy. Meanwhile texting me during the day and talking to the kids on FaceTime before he arrived. She said she wanted to elope, she said she was sore from the wild sex. I feel like I saw how she felt in a way I can never un-see or forget.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: When I found out I was shaking and so thirsty and not hungry. I didn’t know what to do, should I tell her or wait and see more of what was really in her heart. She figured out her texts were on iCloud and shut it off so I had to confront her or I would have no idea what was happening going forward. I want us to be better. We had some really good talks about how she hurt me and I had been hurting her. It seems she wants to work on us but there are little things that she is keeping from me. The gps is off in her car, she changed her iCloud password, she is guarding her Verizon access. I don’t know what to make of all that.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Some lack of appetite. Not sleeping so well. I want to trust her but am finding myself snooping because I don’t know that I can trust it’s over with the other guy.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Told a couple good friends. Need counseling.
What are your next steps?: I guess just keep working on me and loving her the best I can.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?:Utterly hurt, inadequate, torn between letting go or pursuing
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I don’t know yet.
What else would you like to share?: