one hundred seventy one (171)

Title: When you have fought all battles and won and suddenly the

Your Story: I have been married for 14 years. During that time, we have had our ups and downs, like everyone else do, but overall we have been a good couple, a team. We have two sons that are our pride. We met very young, I was 27 and she was about to be 23. At first, we met like in the movies, we met through the internet, all the way back to 2005, and I traveled abroad just to be with her. Within 6 months we were engaged, and a year after that we got married. I guess from the beginning there were signs of things to come, an ex of her started looking for her when she was moving with me (with the help of a friend of hers). Then that same ex started texting her, and then the first affair happened. She fell on the trap, and I found out. I took it calmly and gave her my engagement ring, but she asked for a second chance. I loved her so much I gave it to her. A little more than a year after that we had our first child. Everything was going great or so I thought, and after our son had his first birthday she started working again in a new company, and then it was the second time... she started going out with a co-worker and I again, found out, and again gave her the chance to end it all, but she would not take it. We gave it another shot. 4 years after that, we had our second son. When I thought everything was behind us, the ghosts came haunting again. In February 2020, she fell asleep in our younger son's room and her phone started beeping, so I picked it up and what I saw was a picture of her ex. I wanted to confront her, but we were living in a different country, so I decided to wait a little, to calm down. In the meantime, COVID stroke, and she was depressed and concerned for her family, so I decided not to tell her, but I stopped seeking her intimately, that was my mistake. I let time pass, and a year after, I decided to talk... she was so mad I held that for so long without telling her, and she resented me for the lack of intimacy... but we gave it a shot. A month ago, suddenly, she decides she does not love me anymore and does not want to give it another chance... she tells me I am not the man she fell in love with... So, after all I fought for her, she suddenly decided I was the one to blame... Well, I was devastated, felt miserable, but… she left a notebook of hers behind, and when I read it… well, she is in conflict about her ex... I was right and she had been in fact talking to him... but she denies it and will deny it again...
So, I guess I have been a real idiot to fight for this, when it was clear she never really loved me like I did anyway... and still I love her and would take her back... 
That is my sad pathetic story, a story of a one-sided love, that for some reason still loves her.
Thank you.

one hundred seventy (170)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: I find out through a whatspp message that He sent to her lover. It caught my attention because Hello was lying telling a half his age girl that Hello was on a business trip when He was at home with me.
I got suspicious and I could not let it go, so I started to check on his phone and google timeline and I was shock when I discovered He has been having an affair for almost 5 months without me noticing anything.
The girl is the same age of our older daughter 26 y/o. They has been having fun at 5 Star Hotels, Nigth Clubs, Fancy Restaurants. When I confronted him, Hello denied everything. I had to get the Hotels bills and Recstaurant's receipts and show him all the proofs of his betrayal. After that He confesed his affair.And asked for forgiveness.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Now I have days that I feel in control of my emotions but sometimes it seems like I go back to the first days when I was feeling destroyed,emotionally unstable, rage, hatred, anxiety, lack of desire to keep living. So desvasted with the news. That I do not how to recover from this pain.

It has been a traumatic experience for me. I can not trust him.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Completely. I have lost 8 pound. I still have trouble eating properly. My sleep has not been restored. I have to take Meatonin and sometimes a slepping pill to help me relax. I feel depressed. Lack of motivation,I cry all the time.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I go to a therapist. Do pilates. Meditation. Some days I can feel better and I think I am moving forward. But then I have a relapse and I feel back to square one.

What are your next steps?: I need to make a decision. End the marriage or give it an opportunity to rebuild our relationship

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: Hopeless, Anxiety, Confusion, doubt

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Look for help. Talk to someone you trust. Let your emotions flow.

What else would you like to share?: This have been the most traumatic experience I had in my life. After 33 years of Marriage you wonder if you really knew the person who has been at your side all thsi time, 
How can someone cause so much pain to you? Why not to be honest ans termiate the marriage and be free to do what they want without causing more pain?

one hundred sixty nine (169)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Pain

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Angry less of men stupid not good enough

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Not eating as i should

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Im trying to think of positive about her and it feels like im fighting alone

What are your next steps?: I want to fix it so we can be happy again

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Afraid, Replaced, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Hopeless

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Give them s chance if you love thrm

What else would you like to share?: I really feel empty with out her i never thought she would do that to me

one hundred sixty eight (168)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: I build the phantasy of a threesome. I love my wife. I met a girl, fell in love with her and dreamed our life all together. My wife disagreed absolutelly. I took an year to dismount that phantasy and break up with my darling. Again, I've taken another year to get strong enough to tell my wife what happened.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Truths told, I feel lighter altough full of guilty

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: None

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Psycotherapy

What are your next steps?: Waiting for my wife to cope with all that happened

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Sadness, Afraid, Shame/Ashamed, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Guilt and deliverance

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Truth. Don't hide the case. Tell your partner. Face consequences

What else would you like to share?: It hasn't ended yet, since my wife did not made up her mind about poor us...

one hundred sixty seven (167)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: By accident. I noticed a longer than usual phone call on my husband's phone. It was with a female friend of mine or so I thought.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Now, I am usually ok with an occasional day of depression and sadness. When I found out, I felt broken. devastated, horrified, lost and very stupid.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: At first, I did little eating or sleeping. But now, I am doing better.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Journaling, counseling and prayer. This combo has worked well.

What are your next steps?: To improve myself for me, with the hopes I will believe I am worthy of love.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Lost

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Get counseling as soon as possible.

What else would you like to share?: God is the ultimate healer.

one hundred sixty six (166)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: His WhatsApp Web was opened (we used tô trust each other that much) and I could read part of their conversation.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel like I’ll never be completely happy again. I feel like I’ve known happiness for 38 years but then I was banished from the Eden Garden.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: For some days I got diarreia, then I got insônia. But now I’m ok.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Thinking about my son and that I need to be strong for him.

What are your next steps?: Try to live day after day, try to make plans, try tô have my mind busy.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Sadness, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Insecure

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Forgiven is not About the past, is About What future you want.

What else would you like to share?:

one hundred sixty five (165)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Some things were being said about the affair with a friend that knew it was going on but never really confirmed with me. The other woman ( not my choice of words to say about her) made it a point to get the affair noticed to my children and I .

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Deviated to say the least. Angry, hateful, don't have any trust,

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?:

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:

What are your next steps?:

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: None

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Not sure what I would like to say, I have to do the days one at a time have not received

What else would you like to share?:

one hundred sixty four (164)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: The girl friend called me and tell me that she is in love with my husnand.Since that day 14th February my world was never the same till niw I am reallt rwally hurting my husband is 62 years old and I am 57 years old the side chick girl is 29 years.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: When that girl called me my world was shattered.Till NOW I CAN'T get over it maybe at the moment divorce could be a SOLUTION

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I couldn't sleep at night even now the imaginations are torturing meare

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: We went for coyncelling both of us as he was apologising but it didn't work still fighting till now

What are your next steps?: DIVORCE(crying)

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Unforgiveness. Suiside

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Stop to nurse the situation Stop taking the apology ALL IS ARE LUES..Just move on once and for all(crying)

What else would you like to share?: DIVORSE IS A REMEDY. THEY WILL NOT STOP

one hundred sixty three (163)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: I suspected her affair for a couple years but kept my mouth shut for the kids and in the hope that I was wrong. I thought we had a good marriage. I loved and supported her daughter like mine own since she was 5 (she's now 20). We had 2 beautiful kids of our own. We had everything. Begged her to go to counseling for 2 years. We went twice then she decided she didn't like the counselor. I told her to find one she preferred and make an appt. She refused to do it. One day she said she was going golfing with friends. The next day I walked into the garage and saw her golf bag with a tag on it and "his" name and room number. Turns out "he" is someone that I considered a friend. They'd been having a 3 year affair.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt sick, angry, disoriented, used, betrayed, sad. I offered her the opportunity to go to counseling and try to save our family and marriage under the condition that she cut off all ties with her boyfriend. She declined. I filed for divorce the next day. Nothing was ever discussed, addressed, resolved. I'll never have closure.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?:

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I've learned to meditate on a deep level (TM). I smoke pot. Some people may judge but it works for me. I'm not a drinker. It allows me to relax, sleep and keep things in perspective. I've hyper-focused on work and my kids. I don't care about the money or possessions I've lost but I will never forgive her for forcing me to give up my kids to her 50% of the time. A year later, I still cry every time they leave. They're the victims of her selfish indiscretion. Not me. I can't look at family photos knowing that she was having an affair when they were taken while I thought we were "happy." She lived a double life and turned our marriage into a fraud.

What are your next steps?: Keep living. Keep being a great dad to my kids. Give them the life they deserve. Stop looking for answers. Protect my energy. Be grateful.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

one hundred sixty two (162)

Title: Trust yourself

Your Story: One year ago I found out. It was the worst night of my life. I have relived the freezing shivering shock over and over again as I discovered my most trusted soulmate of 34 years is a consummate liar and cheat. He had a two-year secret liaison before I found the evidence to back up my intuition. I felt paranoid and unkind to be doubting him but my gut instinct was right.

He blamed me and thought he would carry on, taking no responsibility for his actions. It took five months before he would delete their messages, a year to (pretend to) delete her number. It was all about him. With the option of losing everything we have together (marriage of 26 years, home, family) he has stepped up. I was a treated like a doormat, now more like a goddess. All I ask for is kindness and consideration.