Your Age: 51 +
Length of Relationship : 21 years or more
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months
How did you learn about it?: I find out through a whatspp message that He sent to her lover. It caught my attention because Hello was lying telling a half his age girl that Hello was on a business trip when He was at home with me.
I got suspicious and I could not let it go, so I started to check on his phone and google timeline and I was shock when I discovered He has been having an affair for almost 5 months without me noticing anything.
The girl is the same age of our older daughter 26 y/o. They has been having fun at 5 Star Hotels, Nigth Clubs, Fancy Restaurants. When I confronted him, Hello denied everything. I had to get the Hotels bills and Recstaurant's receipts and show him all the proofs of his betrayal. After that He confesed his affair.And asked for forgiveness.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Now I have days that I feel in control of my emotions but sometimes it seems like I go back to the first days when I was feeling destroyed,emotionally unstable, rage, hatred, anxiety, lack of desire to keep living. So desvasted with the news. That I do not how to recover from this pain.
It has been a traumatic experience for me. I can not trust him.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Completely. I have lost 8 pound. I still have trouble eating properly. My sleep has not been restored. I have to take Meatonin and sometimes a slepping pill to help me relax. I feel depressed. Lack of motivation,I cry all the time.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I go to a therapist. Do pilates. Meditation. Some days I can feel better and I think I am moving forward. But then I have a relapse and I feel back to square one.
What are your next steps?: I need to make a decision. End the marriage or give it an opportunity to rebuild our relationship
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible
What emotions are missing from the list?: Hopeless, Anxiety, Confusion, doubt
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Look for help. Talk to someone you trust. Let your emotions flow.
What else would you like to share?: This have been the most traumatic experience I had in my life. After 33 years of Marriage you wonder if you really knew the person who has been at your side all thsi time,
How can someone cause so much pain to you? Why not to be honest ans termiate the marriage and be free to do what they want without causing more pain?