one hundred fifty one (151) [Warning: Story of a Cheater]

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: I am the one who went out and cheated on my partner

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel so stupid. And worthless, because of the things i was saying to the person i was cheating with about my partner. 
How will he ever respect my partner after i dragged his name through the mud.
How will that guy i cheated with respect me. 
My partner had plans for us but i ruined everything, athough he claims he has forgiven me i could tell by the look in his eyes that he is disappointed and he will never commit to me ever again. 
I think i want to end my life after realising all these things.
What if he will leave me for someone better than me
What if he wont marry me
What if he is pretending to even like me
What is he thinking about. Wil he forgive me,? Am i worth it? 
What does he not leave me. I feel so worthless
Do i even deserve a second chance with him?

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I had a sleeping problem before all of this, but it is worse now. Each time i think i am ohk the thoughts come back and i feel all worth less again

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I dont know what to do

What are your next steps?: I dont know

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I dont know

What else would you like to share?: Nothing

one hundred fifty (150)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: I went through his phone after i became suspicious. He changed, i was pregnant at the time and in my third trimester. I found texts and voice notes... He was claiming that i am his ex.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I am insecure, i know he cheated because I was no longer attractive. I gained weight and my complexion faded away. I don't trust him anymore because he did not stop after i found out. He repeated with another girl.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: A lot changed only because I had a baby.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I cry myself to sleep, every day.

What are your next steps?: I am not sure. He suggested a break, time apart to gather myself together but i can't be away from him. I just can't.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Worthless, neglected

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: If he cheat once and you forgive him, he will never stop. So leave, you deserve better.

What else would you like to share?: I stayed because I was pregnant when he cheated. I thought I needed him to assist me when our baby arrives. We lived together... I had to move back home because he was no longer caring for me. That was when he got a great opportunity to cheat. He claimed that he was lonely.
He started with his ex, then some girl who was a virgin and them my classmate. 

I forgave him for all that... Well, i thought i did until some days ago. He disclosed something to me which I do not know how to take it, how to react to it... He told me that at the beginning of our relationship he did not love me as he does now. He was not sure that I was going to love him back so he was pretending with me. We had a child together. He said that he had to hurt me for him to know that I cared. Despite all my efforts of showing him that I care, he doubted me all because his ex hurt him. 

Right now I am struggling to trust him and he has convinced me that he is in this for the long haul now and he will love me better while I am still hurting, having doubts if I should give him all of me again only for him to crush me all over again. 

one hundred forty nine (149)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: I saw text messages that I confronted him about and he denied were anything of substance. One of the names of the women stood out and I looked her up on instagram and discovered photos of my husband all over her feed. I confronted him and he told some lies and some truths. He continued the relationship and I continued to discover evidence of it which he denied. He felt justified in his actions and not remorseful. This is when I asked him to leave our home and separate all of our belongings and linked accounts. He told me he wanted to work on things but continued seeing the woman and never changed his behavior. I have PTSD from all the internet discoveries over the course of a year. I am still hyper vigilant and jealous even though we are separated and filing for divorce.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Crazy. Panicked. Shocked. This person was my best friend for over 20 years and I never thought he would ever do this to me. I never even considered the possibility. I was in utter disbelief over and over and over again. It was the ultimate betrayal to keep lying. I have felt physically ill, have had panic attacks, and deep depression.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleeping and eating are difficult. I just want comfort.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I have an online therapist who I meet with once a week. It’s ok. I also use exercise as an outlet. I read and listen to podcasts to both try to understand and heal and also to avoid and distract myself. I haven’t felt like things are getting any better for me despite my efforts.

What are your next steps?: Keep seeking resources and the stories of others. Trying to to focus on the negative.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Trauma, Low Self-Esteem

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Reach out to friends and family. Speak to a counselor. Seek resources and stories so you feel less alone.

What else would you like to share?:

one hundred forty eight (148)

Title: Again

Your Story: Almost ten year ago my husband had an affair. For me was devastating. I felt betrayed by the person I trusted the must. It lasted for 3 years.
Yesterday I found she is his student in on line curse.

one hundred forty seven (147)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Twitte

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I am angry, hurt, I’m pain

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I haven’t been able to sleep

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Yoga

What are your next steps?: Try to stay calm and in peace

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Alone, Strong, Empowered, Betrayed, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

one hundred forty six (146)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: He only admitted it when he called me after three weeks of total silence to try to manipulate me into having an abortion.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel empty. So confused. Like a total fool. Worthless. Dumb. Disposable. Used. Like I am less than nothing. I can't reconcile the man I dated and loved...the one who claimed to love me above everything and anything in this world with the man I now know him to be. A married man. A liar. A con man. A gutless coward.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I can't sleep anymore. I don't eat or drink. I actually just got released from the hospital today because my body has quite literally begun to shut down and I was at risk of organ failure.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I try to avoid any reminders or memories of Alex. I do all I can to avoid thinking about him at all. But there are reminders everywhere and I cannot escape the fact that he existed. At present, I am quite literally killing myself unintentionally with my coping mechanisms (or the total lack thereof)

What are your next steps?: I cannot see that far ahead. I do my best to keep existing. One long drawn out moment to thw next. But I am quite certain that this will be the death of me.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Numb, dead inside, hopeless, unlovable, unable to continue

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: What advice could one have for how to handle a total miscarriage of their own heart?

What else would you like to share?: I will share it all. The texts. The photos, the emails, the phone calls towards the end, which were actually recorded. Every bloodsoaked scrap that remains of us. The visceral and the most genuine and raw moments of it all.

one hundred forty five (145)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: I confronted him after I caught him lying about a detail. Then all the lies started to fall. He progressively admitted having an affair with his ex girlfriend (he saw her a few times and they talked "inappropriately"). I confronted him a few times and he always admitted something new that he "was not able" to recognise before. I tried to forgive him (he insisted sooo much) but our relationship turned into a living hell, so I recently decided to break up.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Exhausted, angry, sad, frustrated, betrayed, like I've lost my time and energy trying to give the best to someone that did not deserve it.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Not really

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Dating and being intimate with someone new. Helps to move on and stop thinking all the time about the affair and how horrible the relationship was.

What are your next steps?: See above.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Strong, Empowered, Betrayed, Devalued

What emotions are missing from the list?: n/a

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: If it's to hard to forgive just move on. I know it may be hard depending on the situation (having children, living together) but it's just better to end toxic relationships that hurt.

What else would you like to share?: I know that some of the emotions I listed above are contradictory, it was a process since I learned about the affair and I decided to move on.

one hundred forty four (144)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: Found texts

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Scared,hurt, confused

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: No

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Need coping ,echanisms. Too much anxiety

What are your next steps?:

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

one hundred forty three (143)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I was working from home due to COVID and needed our phone account information. I went on his iPad which is shared with everyone, and looked in his emails. I had no idea that I would find 100s of intimate emails between him and a woman who worked for him. So much detail, and referring to all the past times they’d been intimate.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I went into physical shock. I couldn’t breathe, my whole body started shaking violently, and I wanted to vomit. For weeks after I couldn’t eat, would wake at 3am with adrenaline spitting through my body, my brain going crazy piecing together the timeline of it and my life. 
5 weeks later I am just exhausted. I just want it over, and he keeps begging to move back in and repair our relationship. It’s wearing me down. The good thing is every time he makes me angry I get energised again to pack everything and get the house sold.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I’m not hungry at all, I’ve been vomiting daily from stress, sleep is erratic, and my mood goes up and down as I get hit by a wave of anger, sadness, betrayal, exhaustion.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: At first I tried yoga and early nights to survive. As time goes on I’ve found it harder to keep being nice to myself. I’m seeing a counsellor - absolutely essential to talk to someone who is impartial. 
Talking with friends is a lifesaver.

What are your next steps?: Kicking his cheating ass to the curb. Kicked him out the day I found out, and now progressing with separation. 
Once I sell the house and divide up assets I can start a new life with my daughter. It will be hard, but ultimately freeing to have control of my own life back and not have someone making me feel bad about myself.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Alone, Strong, Empowered, Betrayed, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Disgust, hatred

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: You need to see a counsellor yourself. Surround yourself with good friends and accept all offers of help.

What else would you like to share?: You deserve more than this.

one hundred forty two (142)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: I had suspected an affair for over a year. Finally got confirmation when I saw an email from my spouses therapist suggesting they get couples therapy with their affair partner.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: When I found out I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Now I feel sick and anxious, especially when I’m near my spouse.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I can’t sleep well and it’s hard to eat.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I’ve been focusing on exercising more to take my mind off things.

What are your next steps?: I don’t know.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Sick

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?: