Your Age: 41-50
Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago
How did you learn about it?: I saw text messages that I confronted him about and he denied were anything of substance. One of the names of the women stood out and I looked her up on instagram and discovered photos of my husband all over her feed. I confronted him and he told some lies and some truths. He continued the relationship and I continued to discover evidence of it which he denied. He felt justified in his actions and not remorseful. This is when I asked him to leave our home and separate all of our belongings and linked accounts. He told me he wanted to work on things but continued seeing the woman and never changed his behavior. I have PTSD from all the internet discoveries over the course of a year. I am still hyper vigilant and jealous even though we are separated and filing for divorce.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Crazy. Panicked. Shocked. This person was my best friend for over 20 years and I never thought he would ever do this to me. I never even considered the possibility. I was in utter disbelief over and over and over again. It was the ultimate betrayal to keep lying. I have felt physically ill, have had panic attacks, and deep depression.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleeping and eating are difficult. I just want comfort.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I have an online therapist who I meet with once a week. It’s ok. I also use exercise as an outlet. I read and listen to podcasts to both try to understand and heal and also to avoid and distract myself. I haven’t felt like things are getting any better for me despite my efforts.
What are your next steps?: Keep seeking resources and the stories of others. Trying to to focus on the negative.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: Trauma, Low Self-Esteem
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Reach out to friends and family. Speak to a counselor. Seek resources and stories so you feel less alone.
What else would you like to share?: