submission twenty-seven (27)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: 

This is going to be a long story. So if you read this, please feel free to comment with your thoughts or suggestions. 

We have been married for 5 years but have known each other for 13. When we met we were both at the end of really bad marriages. We became really close friends first even though we are completely opposite people and he is 17 years older than me. I never intended to be more than friends with him and never imagined that I would love him like I've never loved before. 
We have been through alot together and it made us stronger and closer. I couldn't ask for a better relationship. We never fight, we go everywhere together, and we tell each other everything (or so I thought). 
I have never been a jealous or prying person. If I thought someone was crossing the line I would tell him and let him handle it. 
My husband is a local truck driver. This allows us to talk on the phone all day which is nice. I used to drive a truck as well until some medical problems disabled me. 
One week ago, my husband came to me with his cell phone wanting to know how to send a picture to his buddy through text message (he's not real good at operating technology). He had the phone facing me so I touched the little plus button and his pictures came up to select. As they came up, he moved the phone so fast that I only caught a glimpse of what was there. I thought to myself, did I just see what I think I saw?. I didn't say anything to him about it but as we went to bed I decided that I would just look while he was in the shower the next morning. 
I was shocked and in disbelief. I wish now that I would have slowed myself down and just investigated more before saying anything. I found 2 pictures that he had taken recently. To anyone else they would look innocent but I know what my husband likes and is attracted to. The pictures didn't have her face in them. The camera was focused on the body parts he likes and she was wearing something that is a big turn on for him. 
While my stomach was turning and my whole body was shaking, I confronted him. He said it was innocent and they were just friends. He refused to tell me who she was. While I was seething with anger, he left to go to work. I didn't talk to him that day. 
While he was gone, I figured out who she was. I didn't know her name but I had seen her before. She works at the truck wash that he goes to once a week. He also parks his truck next door to it every night. 
I packed a bag to leave for at least the weekend. Later that night, I decided that it wasn't fair for me to have to leave. I have done nothing wrong. So I returned home. 
He said I was making a big deal out of nothing. They were just friends and he even called me a drama queen. I asked how long it's been going on and he said that he has been talking to her on the phone for the past 6 months. They never talked long, most conversations only lasted for less than 5 minutes but there are times that they talked for 45 minutes or so. What he didn't say was that he was calling her almost every day (even when he was at home). He would also call her several times a day. When I told him that I was going to go down there and let everyone know what was going on he got really angry and defensive. As his face turned red he told me that if I did that he would divorce me and "drag me through the mud" and take everything I have. I was stunned by his reaction. It turns out that she is the girlfriend of the owner of the truck wash.
I asked him alot of questions over the weekend. I told him that you don't have to have sex with someone to cheat. He used to tell me everything, who he talked to and what they said. I never asked, he would just tell me but he never told me about her. He maintained that they were just friends and he was sorry. He said he would stop calling her but he still has to go in there to get his truck washed. After all, it is where his company sends him. When I asked him why, he just said that he "got a kick" out of talking to her. He said there was nothing wrong with our relationship and that he was happy. 
During this whole situation he has been calm, distant, and unemotional. Even as I sat across from him crying my eyes out, he just ignored me. I have never felt so alone in my life. The only time he showed any emotion was when I said that I was going to go confront her. 
I still have the feeling that something more is going on. He lied about how long he has been talking to her. I haven't found the exact date that it started but I know it's been for more than a year. He's tried to downplay her saying that she is dingy and has had drug problems. If that's really the case then why would he be talking to her and keeping it a secret on top of that?
We've gotten to the point that he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He is carrying on like nothing has happened. I can't stop thinking about it because I can't shake the feeling that there is more to it.
Don't get me wrong, I never had a problem with him being friends with the opposite sex. I know about a couple of girls he is friends with and I have no problem or question about it. This is different. He never said a word about her and even hid it. He knew what he was doing was wrong.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

I am still sad and it hurts because he violated our relationship. I'm angry that I gave all of me and invested everything in a relationship that I didn't intend to happen and told myself not to get into in the first place. I'm confused because I don't have real answers and I don't know what to do from here.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

I'm not eating or sleeping much. My stomach is in knots.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

At this point I don't know what to do. I feel stuck. I can't really focus and my head feels like it's going to explode.

What are your next steps?: 

Right now all I can do is sit back and watch. I'm aware now. Anything else that he has done will come out. I'm trying to put a plan in place in case I have to leave but it's difficult. I have a limited income and don't have any real friends or family that could help.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: Hopelessness and frustration

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

Don't ever let someone think that just because they say nothing physically happened that it's not cheating. The connection and bond is being built. The attraction and intentions are clear to me.

What else would you like to share?:

submission twenty-six (26)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: 

I had a suspicion and cornered him with questions he finally spilled

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

I was blindsided gutted and on my belly. Still hard to believe my best friend did this to me. Maybe four years of our 20-year relationship he was true to me the rest of them he spent with whores, strip dancers, porn and peep shows. A real Class Act.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

It took about 18 months but I think my eating and health habits are about back to normal.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

I now found a good counselor it took four tries. I watch YouTube videos that are very insightful. I am joining a group of betrayed Partners next Wednesday. The therapist I am using is a sex addiction specialist.

What are your next steps?: 

The therapist I have started using has helped me to define some really firm boundaries. My cheater is being counseled by another sex addiction therapist and there seems to be no real caring for what I need to heal. So I have laid those things out and demanded to have my needs for sharing and information met or this relationship is over. She said he is either turning towards me in a sincere attempt to help me heal and provide me what I need, or I'm wasting my time. It's painful but it's necessary. It has taken me a very long time to figure things through and get the right help. I hope for you the right half-forward comes sooner there's no benefit to wasting your time.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Anxiety, disgust, repulsion

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

Hold on and do not let this define you. Life will be good again just hold on. This is a very very rough road the worst one I've ever traveled but I do know that there will be a better day.

What else would you like to share?: 

Please look up the symptoms of sex addiction. These people are deeply flawed human beings. If they want to do the right things they will do so bravely. That will be a total turn-about because they are not brave people.

submission twenty-five (25)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: 

My partner said something that aroused my suspicions, so I did some digging into her social media. After finding her correspondence with someone from her high school days and determining the nature of the correspondence, I sat on the info for a while, but a week after, before I could even bring it up, she had removed from the house via a trumped up protective order, and had him moved in 2 days later!

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

I felt betrayed, ashamed, and humiliated. I cried every night for a week while figuring out where I was going to live. I was unable to see our 3 small children because of the protective order which had been planned by the both of them. I was angry, sad, and confused all at the same time.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

I lost about 40 lbs in a month. I do not trust ANYONE anymore.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

I am using nothing.

What are your next steps?: 

We have been trying to reconcile as the “new man” turned out to be an obsessive, abusive, drug addled, psychopath...maybe even severely schizophrenic. We do not sleep in the same bedroom anymore. I refuse to sleep in that bed. We have resumed some intimacy, but only on my terms. I am scheduled to go to counseling in a week.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: None

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

Be on your guard, especially if your partner is experiencing or has experienced any sort of grief or trauma.

What else would you like to share?: 

I just want to trust and feel normal again.

submission twenty-four (24)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: A out of area dinner charge on our credit card

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:

When I discovered her emotional affair with her coworker I was devistated. She said she didn't have sex. We have a good life and young children at home. She is sorry and wants to work it out. But trust is at the core of any marrige. I do understand a mistake but not a choice to break our vows and deceive me for months. She could have came to me at anytime to discuss her needs. So selfish.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

Eating a little less, sometimes hard to still sleep with her

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:

Researching why people cheat, etc. The info is eye opening. Not as much info on the wife cheating as opposed to husband.

What are your next steps?: 

Started counseling. Still trying to decide if this is the woman I want to grow old with. Continue to pray about it.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Strong, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

Every situation and relationship is different, but defibately dont bury your feeling

What else would you like to share?: 

Seek a better understanding of God in your marriage/relationship

submission twenty-three (23)

Title: Infidelity&Hope

Your Story: I just wanted to share my story, my life and what I’m going through so this is going to be a real long post , I really don’t know what else to do I just have to get it out and talk with others who have been in similar situations, or what you all think, how you all overcame it and made things work or just some advice please. I am 25, married with 2 kiddos and I truly love my husband, That being the reason I’ve tried so hard to keep this together after everything that’s went on. We’ve been together 5years now and married 1, a little over 2years ago I found out he was cheating , it had to be one of the worst days I’ve been through, especially with a newborn at the time . One night I was on his phone , on google I saw that someone was signed in and I clicked on it , it wasn’t his name but it was one similar to his, little did I know that one click would change my life , it was so painful, everything just popped up, all these messages all of them addressed to MY boyfriend at the time , and all from “Craigslist” I was in total shock at these messages I couldn’t stomach the stuff I saw and most of them from GUYS , I thought To myself “how could this be???? My boyfriend is doing this stuff? He’s bisexual ? Or even gay? How did I not know? Who is he???? Just all these things where in my head there’s no way to explain how I felt it was just the worst, and He showed no signs of it at all being gay or bi or anything like that *I don’t have anything against gay people or by sexual people at all * you know but this was my man&By the stuff he was saying to these people was just crazy ,he would meet with one of them at least 2 times no sex that I know of but other stuff, and messages to women too , wanting to watch people have sex , I mean it was just so disturbing , I confronted him about it in tears and shaking , I had no words , I immediately left with my newborn and went to my parents I was in total shock, he didn’t bother talking to me he didn’t bother anything he was just embarrassed I assume , about 2 days later he begged for me to please go back he just wanted me and our son back . He is such a good father he really is , I just couldn’t go back there was no way I could , I was disgusted, ashamed , felt so betrayed and I just couldnt face him, I felt like I didn’t even know who he was . A week later I found out I was pregnant with our second baby , I met with him and let him know , he got on his knees crying to me and begging me to please be with him that he made the worst mistake and wouldn’t do anything like that again he dosent know what got into him, that he would give up his phone or do anything , that he isn’t like that at all. So of course I did , it was so hard being with my parents having my baby, working full time , going to school and then being pregnant , I said you know what let’s go ahead and try this again but of course with so much restriction like a kid It felt like, it was absolutely horrible , anyways about 4 months later I found out again he got back on the website when we got into an argument and made post that were like what he used to do,this time looking for that one guy he was talking to , so again I left him when I found out. I wasn’t with him throughout the rest of my pregnancy, but of course saw him when he would come pick up our son , once I had our baby again I took him back . I don’t know why I am just a forgiving person always wanting to keep my family together and he just always knows what to say and do for me to be with him again , There is just so many quality’s I do love about him there are so many things and how great of a father my whole family loves him , just everything else about him is great it beats what he’s done to me I guess , I really just don’t know , and this time you can imagine how untrusting I became , but this time I had to see a change I told him, so he gave me his phone and told me to get rid of any apps and block the internet do anything , so I did it all , he has an iPhone so I did the restrictions thing it has and deleted his apps that had a private google , I became so good at finding out all his old ways and I got rid of it all , minus the internet , just had it blocked , as I talk about this I just feel so crazy it’s hard for me to even say, but that was the only way I would feel some kind of peace while he’s gone , he said I didn’t need to go to that extent for him not to do anything again because he wouldn’t do anything again, but that I could, so of course I did , it was crazy the extent that had become of all of this, I am constantly in my head could he have a phone , could this , could that , but he always reassures me , this was nothing I pictured a relationship/marriage being like , because it’s not supposed to be like this ,till this day it has been horrible. He hasn’t been horrible he has done so much to show me he isn’t messing up , he has his location shared with me, he is constantly calling me anywhere he goes, he’s just been good to me, I’m just constantly on him about any little thing , I want things to change so bad I want to be able to trust him again eventually, things just have to change because I can no longer go through this with him, now i felt like it was me that has become a problem constantly on him about any little thing, and him being gone all the time for work hasnt helped, but with our current situation , me being a stay at home mom watching the kids and getting my degree , We can’t afford for him to get another job where he’s home everyday ,with all our expenses. These past days I’ve gotten worse because I started seeing a change in him again, well we got in a fight for of course something Small, and after that I saw that his internet time went up from what it usually does which concerned me cuz of how that used to happens, and I questioned him about it, he sends me screenshots of his history and everything , but I still start freaking out and not understanding why it dosent add up like how could he use this much mb in 30 min and just thinking the worst , so I haven’t talked to him in 3 days and everyday I am constantly checking his phone records, gigabytes being used, just everything, it has consumed so much of me it’s tiring so I prayed and prayed so much these past three days , I don’t talk to my family or really anyone about this, even though I have such a great support system I’m just the embarrassed to share how I became. I was searching on the internet and I was brought to this page on PTSD from infidelity and I cannot describe what I felt reading this , I just broke down in tears because every single thing on there is how I am, is how I feel , it brought me so much relief, I was beginning to think I was crazy , I didn’t want to see anyone about it because I was embarrassed on how I am with my husband , blocking stuff, checking his stuff all the feeling I go through, the anger , certain things or places that are triggers , constantly on guard , constantly looking for any type of change, it was just everything I face , so I am meeting with someone this Friday , finally to work on me and what this has caused me to become like, but that’s not all, I was lead to this page on porn addicts and again I was taken back , everything on there too is my husband and the stuff he’s done , just everything, and this made so much sense because all my trust issues with him had started due to me finding porn on his phone and that really hit me hard , I was against that and felt betrayed it made me feel real bad , so anyways this definitely could be what led him to do all the stuff he did , it shed so much light onto this situation , he never understood why he did the things he did he just always says it was a dark past he never wants to talk about , I always question if anything happened to him as a child and he denies it and tells me no way nothing like that ever happened to me , so I was always so confused but according to everything I read,it just all made so much sense , what he’s done , the way sometimes he gets distant and sometimes I feel like something is different about him or I see any little changes , he could be going through withdrawals since I blocked everything or still doing it and feels guilt , I have no idea , but he comes home in a couple of days and I couldn’t wait to tell him so I wrote him the longest message ever about what I found out about why I am the way I am and also about his addiction because he always denies everything so I want to know what’s really going on, that was 2 days ago, it shows he read it but he hasn’t replied at all , so idk if he could be mad that yet again I’m accusing him of having a problem or if it’s actually true , or if he is freaked out that I actually have PTSD from what he’s done , there is no telling. I just need some support right now until I meet with someone Friday and until my husband comes home and hopefully tells me everything , I just don’t know :(

submission twenty-two (22)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: 

Its multi-tiered: I first found out about the online affairs when i dropped my phone in the toliet and had to use his to call my sister. Then, after it "stopped," i found more going through the phone on my "regular phone checks." Finally, after i had to get a doctor ordered STD check (due to sexual dsyfunction), he admitted that he was sleeping with someone the entirety of our relationship (up until two months before I went to the doctor.)

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

I was devastated. I am devestated. I continually feel like this isn't the path that i chose. I continually feel like like I'm the one to blame because of my hectic work schedule and because of my chronic anxiety. I feel like a sham. I feel like, as Gordon Ramsey would put it, "an idiot sandwhich."

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?:

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

Im choosing to work more, in the instance that i need to have a nest egg prepared. I spend more of my time by myself, so that i dont have to be clouded with what other people want me to do or "what i should do". 10/10 definitely not working

What are your next steps?: 

I have absolutely no idea.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Anxious

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?: 

We still live together. I didnt kick him out. I wish now that i would have because im growing to think that i wont ever get over it. I didnt want to lose him , but im becoming increasingly convinced that im losing myself in the process. We fight all the time. Mostly because i think he should still be apologizing and trying to fight to win me back...but it seems like im the only one fighting to continue this relationship. Every day, i feel more and more like he's with me for the convenience and im with him to save face with my family. 
I went as far as confronting his mistress, who was also married, and all she did was cry. Like i was the mistress and it was her husband. I regret that i didnt talk to any of the other women he was talking to online. 
I dont know. I feel like im stuck in between "whats right" and "what i want to do" and "what is smart" and I would really just appreciate literally anyone reaching out because im so lost and confused and just want to make it work.

submission twenty-one (21)

Title: Have I finally hit my limit?

Your Story: Here is my story - it’s a long one so grab the popcorn.

I’ve been with my husband for almost 9 years. We have two young children, a home and lots of wonderful memories.

I found out that he cheated with a transgender women ( a guy becoming a women)

He has a history of using online dating apps. I have caught him a few times throughout the years chatting. He always told me it was for the thrill of it. I also knew he was Bi so I can’t be too shocked, right? Anyways. He always said it was the thrill of it and nothing would EVER happen. He would always stop using the sites and apps for a little bit but over the years he just always signed back up. 

This holiday season I got a call from someone telling me my husband was with her the night before ( it was so super traumatic as I was driving around looking at Xmas lights with the kids).

This was the first time it was him physically cheating, however when I was pregnant with our first about 6 years ago he left me, at 5 months pregnant and I had to move into the other room of his parents house and it was awful. But I was so hellbent on getting back together with him I completely lost myself, I did everything in my power for him to just come back to me mentally, because physically he was in the next room, chatting away with ‘K.M’ - that’s how her name was saved. Nothing ever happened with them besides chatting, and eventually he came around after our first was born but nope thinking back to that time, I never really talked about it again. I think I was younger and just so happy to have my family back together.

Fast forward 8 years later and he’s on and off those apps, i got a message from a trans person in May saying he was planning on meeting up with her ( which of course he said was all talk - he was cat fishing) but I think when that happened, I started to just shut down mentally, I became depressed and I didn’t even really realize it until a few days before his physical affair. He witnessed me at my lowest and still went out and did that..plus after it was found out ( the affair) this 24 year old person started threatening a and told him that she/he would post pictures he (my husband) sent and convos and it had all this information on hand ( thank you World Wide Web) family’s phone numbers, names - just everything.

So I found myself still protecting my husband, his mental state has never been 100% so I think I took a lot and held so much in because I knew I was stronger. Well I guess I’m not. 

He has been doing everything in his power to help us move forward, and I want to move forward, we go to therapy our communication is absolutely amazing now, he’s an amazing father and he’s just been amazing to me all around. Giving me everything I need ( including sleeping separately for now)..but something inside of me just can’t seem to switch back. Idk I love him I do, and I can even say that I may trust him again but there’s something...something inside that is making me just numb still. Maybe I’ve been through so much? Even though I want to fix things I subconsciously can not move past it. 

Idk - I’m just looking for words of advice, maybe similar situations - I honestly don’t know what to do.

submission twenty (20)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: 

I had moved for a work assignment while my wife and youngest son stayed in the previous location to allow my son to finish his senior year of HS. Following his graduation, my wife dropped my son off and announced she was staying in her apartment in Virginia. Her ostensible reason was "she needed to find herself" and was comfortable there. I immediately suspected an affair and asked in which she denied anything was happening. I believed her and agreed unwillingly to her plan.
Fast forward 6 years and she announces she wants a divorce. I asked her again if she was unfaithful and she denied it other then a "flirting" incident, but my long simmering suspicions prompted me to start snooping. I found indicators in her web history with searches on pregnancy after 50, how fast a pregnancy test takes, and how to terminate a pregnancy. By this time in our marriage, we had not had sex in nearly 2 years and a virtually sexless marriage in the 4 preceding years. 
Finally, I was able to access her iPad and found the smoking gun--emails between her and her paramour starting 6 years prior that indicating a sexual and emotional affair over at least 2 years. When I confronted her she denied the obvious, showed little remorse, and refused to provide details. I have no idea how long she has been screwing other men.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

I had long suspected so the shock was not as extreme as expected. Nevertheless, I cycled between rage, hurt, and frankly jealously. The interest and love she gave to her affair partner was what I wanted from her.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleeping pattern is off and loss of appetite, difficulties concentrating

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

I've turned back to Christ. He has been missing from my life and I needed his solace, love, patience, and forgiveness to cope. I've also started to exercise more to deal with the emotional toll. Journaling has helped, along with therapy, prayer, and confiding in family and friends.

What are your next steps?: 

While I offered twice, she had no interest in reconciliation or marriage counseling. Next I will complete the divorce process, heal my heart and my mind, self-examine my faults and ask for Gods forgiveness, learn from our mistakes to prevent it from happening in future relationships.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):

Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Betrayed, Devalued, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: 

Rage, jealousy, worthless

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

Listen to your instincts, rely on close family and friends, self-examine, take the high road

What else would you like to share?: It was extremely painful experience, but I know I will make it thru and hope to learn how to be a better husband, lover, communicator, and friend. I've discarded my wife, although a part of me will always care and love the mother of my boys, she is someone who no longer shares my values, faith, dreams, and interests. I wish her happiness in her life, have forgiven her because I don't want to carry the weight of anger and disappointment in her.

submission nineteen (19)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: 

Suspicion, intuition and finally, checking phone bills. He denied it until I presented hard evidence, then he gave me dibs and drabs of vague information a little at a time. It was psychological torture.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:

Devastated when I found out and like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Thought about divorce but only stayed married for my children.
Now two years later, I still think about it daily and I will never trust my husband again. He ruined what we once had and despite the positive changes he has made, there is no going back to how things were. I don’t really love him anymore. I stay for my children and tolerate him. For now. Because that’s the new reality he created for us.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

Yes. Can’t sleep. Poor appetite.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:

Anxiety medication. Exercise. Therapy. It only helps so much.

What are your next steps?: 

To try to rebuild for now: but if he makes even the tiniest slip up I will serve his ass with divorce papers so fast that his head will spin. And he can explain to our children why mommy and daddy are divorcing. I’m hopeful this will not come to that but I’m now hyper vigilant to anything because he’s destroyed all trust I have in humanity and frankly, my own judgment. We were once the “it couple” and he lived a double life.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): 

Anger, Sadness, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: 

Rage, obsessive thoughts

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

Do what you think will be less damaging to your children, whatever that is. It’s not about “you” once you have kids. If you’re childless, go file for divorce tomorrow.

What else would you like to share?: 

I have to live with the fact that he isn’t honest enough to give me the whole story. I’ll never know what really happened. I have PTSD like symptoms as well. His touch makes me cringe.

submission eighteen (18)

Title: Infidelity

Your Story: In 2014 my wife of 24 years had a sexual affair with a man I knew since kindergarten. My wife and I were virgins to each other. It's four years now and I still have the images of them together in my head. Most days I wish I were dead. I still wake up in the middle of the night crying. now that our three children are grown I don't feel I have any reason to live. The pain I have is as strong today as the day I found out about what they were doing. What I want back God himself can not give back.