submission twenty-six (26)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: 

I had a suspicion and cornered him with questions he finally spilled

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

I was blindsided gutted and on my belly. Still hard to believe my best friend did this to me. Maybe four years of our 20-year relationship he was true to me the rest of them he spent with whores, strip dancers, porn and peep shows. A real Class Act.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

It took about 18 months but I think my eating and health habits are about back to normal.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

I now found a good counselor it took four tries. I watch YouTube videos that are very insightful. I am joining a group of betrayed Partners next Wednesday. The therapist I am using is a sex addiction specialist.

What are your next steps?: 

The therapist I have started using has helped me to define some really firm boundaries. My cheater is being counseled by another sex addiction therapist and there seems to be no real caring for what I need to heal. So I have laid those things out and demanded to have my needs for sharing and information met or this relationship is over. She said he is either turning towards me in a sincere attempt to help me heal and provide me what I need, or I'm wasting my time. It's painful but it's necessary. It has taken me a very long time to figure things through and get the right help. I hope for you the right half-forward comes sooner there's no benefit to wasting your time.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Anxiety, disgust, repulsion

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

Hold on and do not let this define you. Life will be good again just hold on. This is a very very rough road the worst one I've ever traveled but I do know that there will be a better day.

What else would you like to share?: 

Please look up the symptoms of sex addiction. These people are deeply flawed human beings. If they want to do the right things they will do so bravely. That will be a total turn-about because they are not brave people.