submission twenty-five (25)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: 

My partner said something that aroused my suspicions, so I did some digging into her social media. After finding her correspondence with someone from her high school days and determining the nature of the correspondence, I sat on the info for a while, but a week after, before I could even bring it up, she had removed from the house via a trumped up protective order, and had him moved in 2 days later!

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

I felt betrayed, ashamed, and humiliated. I cried every night for a week while figuring out where I was going to live. I was unable to see our 3 small children because of the protective order which had been planned by the both of them. I was angry, sad, and confused all at the same time.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

I lost about 40 lbs in a month. I do not trust ANYONE anymore.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

I am using nothing.

What are your next steps?: 

We have been trying to reconcile as the “new man” turned out to be an obsessive, abusive, drug addled, psychopath...maybe even severely schizophrenic. We do not sleep in the same bedroom anymore. I refuse to sleep in that bed. We have resumed some intimacy, but only on my terms. I am scheduled to go to counseling in a week.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: None

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

Be on your guard, especially if your partner is experiencing or has experienced any sort of grief or trauma.

What else would you like to share?: 

I just want to trust and feel normal again.