three hundred fifty (350)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: It is an ongoing issue. I usually find out through his phone.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel lost and mostly angry at myself for giving chances after chances. I am scared too because I know I need to leave but it is scary with three kids.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: No, a little down but nothing too drastic.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I am not really coping anymore. I am just numb to the pain. I have accepted the fact that you cannot make anyone change for you.

What are your next steps?: Probably leave and move on. I should have done that years ago.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Afraid, Strong, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Mocked, dirty

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Don’t give second chances. If they did it once, they will do it again

What else would you like to share?: As a woman it is important that you have some financial stability so it makes it easier to move on in situations like this.

three hundred forty nine (349)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: While doing bible study in the morning his phone ran twice and he silenced it. It was a the name of a male friend/acquaintance. Right after bible study he got up to call back the friend. The cell signal is poor here and he walk a distance away to make the call. Later he came back closer, but were speaking very softly. Something just felt off.... I have never ever checked his phone, because I did not feel the need to, I trusted him. Something just urged met to check his phone while he went to the bathroom. I checked his whatsapp and there were a message from this friend who called earlier. Upon opening it realized it was a woman. He was back from the bathroom quicky, but what the little bit if the conversations I saw almost had me had a heart attack. When I confronted him, he just said: you read it, so now you know and he left.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I am beyond heartbroken. We had a close to perfect relationship. He was the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend and my whole existence revolved around him. For me her was the best thing that happened to me after a failed marriage of 33 years (I left because of abuse) and a failed relationship of 2 years (he just used me).

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Struggle to sleep and do not have an appetite most of the time. I am coming and going between cracking down and trying to be brave.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Nothing. Just try and pray and talk to God as much as I can.

What are your next steps?: I truly do not know. I am so scared.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: My whole world collapsed and I wish I could rather die as to carry on without him.

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: None. I need advise

What else would you like to share?: Besides the betrayal itself I am in total disbelief as to all the lies he told, which I only become aware of now. Then the fact that I was convinced the two of us walked a spiritual road together, which now clearly is not the case. The night before he left me, he still told me he loved me. I do not have an income and he dumped me at my ex-husband's under false pretence, which he made me believe otherwise, before the ordeal. Imagine at my ex-husband! I have no where else to go and have to put up with him, while he makes not secret of it that he does not want me here. If I were not spiritual, I definitely would have taken my own life now

three hundred forty eight (348)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: She told me.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel sick every single day. We have 3 children, Iv not eaten , slept or thought about anything else

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yes

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Wine . And no

What are your next steps?: I have no idea. To make it 5 minutes without picturing them two together

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I couldn’t say

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred forty seven (347)

Title: Infidelity

Your Story: My husband and I was having a rocky patch, he was moody, even when he was here he wasn’t present. It became difficult to be around him
He threw himself into work, and I eventually said it’s over. We argued a lot. He was staying on the sofa etc. then October hit and we decided we didn’t want to end our marriage and work though it. We had sex and I noticed something wasn’t right. I asked him and he made me feel like I was going crazy .y . I knew I wasn’t going crazy and did some digging. Come feb it all came out he had a one night stand with a Co worker who has been after him for a year. Of course he’s very sorry he’s promising me the world, he feels like he’s had a near death experience and now he sees me. We’ve been married 8 years. I don’t no what to do, sex is a huge thing for me and we have a great sex life, so the image of him doing to her, what he does to me makes me very very sick .I just don’t no if I can ever forgiv. I’m so lost because I love him so much but I can’t forgive.

three hundred forty six (346)

Title: Greys anatomy nightmares

Your Story: I’m a mother to four children. My husband and I had been married for 15 years. Of that, 11 of them were in schooling and training for him to be a Dr. I took care of everything else. Everything. He never got up with kids in the night. Or went to the grocery store or even knew what money we had in our bank account.
Some medical tech at the hospital caught his eye… a lot because “she made it very clear how interested she was.” She was 15 years younger than him. They started messaging and took their relationship out of work and within a month they are making out in her car when he has call shifts at the hospital. I felt that he was distanced and something going on. But never in my wildest dreams would I suspect he was capable of such betrayal and deception. I thought our relationship was fine. In fact the day after their first kiss I planned a date to the movies and we held hands and I had a great time. Almost a month later their affair went into the call room where they had unprotected sex. The next day, despite him being rude, I had made special plans for our family and we shared a good family day and went out with my sister and her husband. I can not believe he didn’t wake up here and realize how stupid and careless he was was all summer. Instead the emotional affair amped up and they said they loved each other and would make adorable kids and she’d be a great mom. She came back to the next call shift and the had sex twice. My daughter found messages on his phone when I was out of town in early September. She’s 11 and lost her innocence in one day. She told me when I got back in town and I confronted my husband. The truth slowly came out and the damage is irreversible. I loved my life and now love with so much shame to have such an idiot as a husband. I feel disposable and so disappointed that this is my life.

three hundred forty five (345)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: One day, out of the blue, he said he wanted a divorce. I started taking note of late night calls etc.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I was fine after 3 to 4 months, but old feelings have started again - I start to panic easily.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I couldn't eat for the first 2 or so month, lost a lot of weight I did not need to lose. I am back to normal again howrver.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I prayed a lot. Wrote everything down in a journal. Moved out of the house.

What are your next steps?: He repented and asked for forgiveness. We are slowly picking up the pieces.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Strong, Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?: A feeling of going into survival mode. You don't 'live' at that point, you only survive.

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Don't take revenge. I had many oppurtunities but decided to keep my dignity and honour. People saw and respected it. Give over to God, you will find peace again. And at that moment your life can change for the better.

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred forty four (344)

Title: The Event: How shit hit the fan

Your Story: It was about 7 in the morning September 2022, and we were about to have sex and things were heating up, so I reached over to the couch next to our bed and find a condom, then started taking off my bottoms... she was already naked at the time so was quickly answering some messages she had received the night before on WhatsApp, when I noticed a message she was sending...

The message was "🥰 wonderful"... I was confused by this and wonder who she was sending this to and looked at the person name and saw it was a guy, even the little preview picture next to the name was unmistakably a guy and I got even more confused... she put her phone to the side and turned around to face me so we could finish off what we had started about 5 or so minutes earlier, but I couldn't concentrate anymore so nothing happened ...

She got up from bed to prepare our daughter for day care, after what seemed like forever of nothing but wonder and a thousand questions about what I had just seen and what it meant and and and...
While she prepared, I took her phone and went to check, and as if in a nightmare I saw it, the name and massage sent. I went through the messages and there it was, our marriage destroyed...

We had first met when she and her younger sister came to my place of work to personalize her younger sister's t-shirt and I was the sales rep. assisting them. About a week later, she came in to drop of her CV and we were looking for a typist at the time. Not long after she came in for her trial period and we just hit it off. The chemistry was undeniable and we felt it, but we were both in relationships so nothing happened between us...

After her trial period I would not see her for about 2 months until a chance meeting while I was heading to work and she was going to her then boyfriend. We still didn't exchange numbers exchange numbers and just went our separate ways. 3 more months or so, would pass before I saw her again and she was coming in for her second trial period for the typist role, and this time she got the job and we started working together fulltime...

I was no longer in dating anyone at the time while her relationship was on the rocks. We started hanging our more and more, doing our best to not cross the line as she was still in a relationship. She decided to officially end things with the guy and we started dating immediately. This was in 2018, September...

2020 February, she gave birth to our daughter. 2021 January we got married and moved in together, as a young family and newlyweds. On the last day of 2021, December 31st, we moved to our new place in what seemed like a beginning of the great of our lives together.

Things became rocky from around 2022 February when I was promoted to manager at the company with both worked at, as our coworkers suddenly become hostile towards us and made her life particularly harder. But we tried not to let that get to us but cracks formed. I was in an awkward position because I couldn't do anything without it looking like I was defending her, even though my actions were justified...

A lot happened and it affected our marriage as we were now constantly arguing or found ourselves not taking to one another for a bit and things just escalated from there...

Around May 2022 she mentioned a customer she was assisting was flirting with her and she wasn't sure how to handle that, so I playfully advised she told the guy that I wouldn't give him the best service if he kept on flirting with my wife. She told me she politely told him to draw a line and he apparently did and that was the end of that...

1st August 2022, my wife quit from working. She couldn't handle it anymore. The environment was not conducive anymore and this was affecting her health and just not worth it. So she was a stay at home now and I continued working in my role as manager and things seemed to get better without the pressure of trying to show everyone that I was objective.

Things at home didn't not get better however, and we became distant from each other. We were living with her youngest sister as she was helping us out with our daughter while we were both working fulltime. Work demand and hours didn't allow us much time so we needed her help.

Now that she was not working anymore, I hated how I would get home and the house was a mess and when I say "house" I'm just exaggerating because we were renting a back room at the time, so there was never much "cleaning" to be done at a given time. But they (she and her younger sister) managed to not do anything all day and that bothered me...

There were days they didn't even cook, or wash dishes so I would have to come back from work, help out tired our house, wash dishes and then help out with cooking... when I asked what they were doing all day, "watching series" or "doing our nails" was the most frequent answers, so I just stopped asking and stopped helping out. I was too tired and it was unfair.. She would call me out for not helping out anymore, citing that I would get used to her doing all the work and never help out anymore...

The funny thing is, every morning, I would wake up, get ready for work and then prepare our daughter for day care and leave them both sleeping until God knows when, without ever complaining of doing that because that was my role and I played it to the best of my ability... they couldn't even keep a small backroom tidy even though they spent most of the time there anyway.

Almost 2 months after she quit working and here I was, seeing text messages between her and some guy, calling each other all sorts of pet names. The intimacy from the message I saw shocked me... I felt like I was having a panic attack; I couldn't breath and nothing made sense. I was so devastated! I didn't know how we had gotten here. How could she do me like that? Why did she do me like that?

I asked her who the guy was and why were they calling each other with such pet names. I will never forget her response. The look on her face, the lack of care about her, even though I had evidence she was cheating... "He is no one...", "are you going through my phone?" That was her response... without even looking at me, she just said that, as if it was just the most normal thing to say in the world...

She would explain that it was nothing physical, it was jus text over the phone that meant nothing. She did that because she felt like I didn't love her anymore, so she desired to be wanted and she knew she would get that from the guy... and yes, it was the same guy who had flirted with her all those months earlier; the same guy she supposedly felt uncomfortable interacting with as he was being unprofessional...

I know my wife, at least I thought I did... and I didn't buy any of her explanation but as if the beginning of a new trend for me, I chose to believe her and what she was telling me instead of the feeling I had that was screaming "SHE'S LYING!!!!" all through my body... she insisted that they had never met in person, except when she was still working and he was still just a customer.

I later found out not only did they met up during their so called "over the phone" affair, it started while she was still working (soon after she had complained about his flirting with her to me); her younger sister knew about the guy and what she and my wife were doing but didn't at least warn me about it; she had lied on several occasions about where she was going (she claimed to be going to see a friend one time, only to be going to meet up with him)...

She had written a fairytale story of some sort detailing how they met but never finished it; she wrote a confession letter about her feelings for him (feelings she still claims she doesn't have and never did) that she wanted me to find while I was going through because I didn't trust her (yes! She was upset that I didn't trust her and was going through her phone after I had found out she was cheating on me)...

I am still devastated, till this day, when I think about everything she did to me. I know I am not perfect, nor have I claimed to be, but for her to do that to me, like that!?

She insists that she never slept with the guy but I don't believe that... they went from a phone fling that was meaningless, to meeting up a few times where nothing happened not even a hug, to worst case scenario they just kissed and it was a baby kiss at worst, to they just drove around in his car and talked, to they would just chilled at garages and talked, to he tried touching her thigh while they talked but she wouldn't allow it, to he fingered her one time but she stopped him after a few minutes...

I kept finding out these things one at a time, and the story changes with each discovery... even the part that her younger sister knew about them was by accident; I was going through her photos and realised how much I had missed over the last few months. When I saw a picture of a conversation she had with her younger sister because he had recorded a voice note for the younger sister who had gotten disappointing news that she sent to the guy and what they referred to him as in their sisterly conversations...

I went to their chat, and found out they gave him a special name and my wife would tell her younger sister when he wanted to come over and see her, and how they would plan their day around that... So, when I say I don't believe they didn't sleep together, it's because I've come to learn the kind of person my wife truly is... she's a liar and is very selfish... and loves to play the victim!

We are still together, and it's been 5 months since I discovered her infidelity but any real happiness and innocence we shared is long gone... I see that I don't trust her anymore... things I would not notice before are now super red flags, like how she slightly changes the details of any story she tells especially if I know of it. I was just thinking how given the chance to go back to our beginning, knowing what I know now, I would not engage with her and just avoid any possibility with her...

three hundred forty three (343)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Messages in his phone.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: How I feel now is not constant it changes,sometimes I feel angry,sad,contempt,disgusting and rarely hopeful.
When I found out I felt like someone punched me in the stomach,I was nauseous,shocked and shaking.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I developed insomnia, I tend to overeat or not eat all day it fluctuates.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I started drinking and smoking over the age of 40.It works someday cause it makes me feel numb.

What are your next steps?: Getting a job and divorce.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Contempt,suicidal,homicidal,traumatized

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Walk away if you can at the 1st betrayal it can only get worse,people.dont change.

What else would you like to share?: The pain feels like death, I have been grieving since the day I found out.Its a loss, a deep deep loss like something has ripped your heart out.

three hundred forty two (342)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: I heard from my sister who’s friend told her that my boyfriend slept with her friend, who was my boyfriend coworker.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Right now I feel lost. I feel confused and I feel insecure. I dream of how I will get over this feeling and if I will ever move on from it.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I don’t sleep through the nights.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I started seeing a therapist shortly after and soon found some calming hobbies like yoga and reading to ease my mind.

What are your next steps?: It’s hard to say. I don’t often looking forward to the future and I often feel I can’t trust anyone and i often feel rejected by the world

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: You don’t need to make any decisions right away. Do what feels right for you.

What else would you like to share?: It’s not easy and anyone going through this has a different experience and different way of handling it.

three hundred forty one (341)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I had a suspicious feeling I needed to look at his Facebook. Which isn’t something I’d ever spent time on before, I try to never stalk ex’s because I know it’s worse for me than it would ever be for them. I found a profile picture of him and a girl, and then found out they have a baby together. A. Baby. Who would have been born around when he reached back out to me.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel sick to my stomach. I feel disgusting. I feel like I don’t want to live anymore.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I’m not eating, I’ve cried to the point of petchial hemorrhaging around my eyes.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:

What are your next steps?:

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?: