Title: The Event: How shit hit the fan
Your Story: It was about 7 in the morning September 2022, and we were about to have sex and things were heating up, so I reached over to the couch next to our bed and find a condom, then started taking off my bottoms... she was already naked at the time so was quickly answering some messages she had received the night before on WhatsApp, when I noticed a message she was sending...
The message was "🥰 wonderful"... I was confused by this and wonder who she was sending this to and looked at the person name and saw it was a guy, even the little preview picture next to the name was unmistakably a guy and I got even more confused... she put her phone to the side and turned around to face me so we could finish off what we had started about 5 or so minutes earlier, but I couldn't concentrate anymore so nothing happened ...
She got up from bed to prepare our daughter for day care, after what seemed like forever of nothing but wonder and a thousand questions about what I had just seen and what it meant and and and...
While she prepared, I took her phone and went to check, and as if in a nightmare I saw it, the name and massage sent. I went through the messages and there it was, our marriage destroyed...
We had first met when she and her younger sister came to my place of work to personalize her younger sister's t-shirt and I was the sales rep. assisting them. About a week later, she came in to drop of her CV and we were looking for a typist at the time. Not long after she came in for her trial period and we just hit it off. The chemistry was undeniable and we felt it, but we were both in relationships so nothing happened between us...
After her trial period I would not see her for about 2 months until a chance meeting while I was heading to work and she was going to her then boyfriend. We still didn't exchange numbers exchange numbers and just went our separate ways. 3 more months or so, would pass before I saw her again and she was coming in for her second trial period for the typist role, and this time she got the job and we started working together fulltime...
I was no longer in dating anyone at the time while her relationship was on the rocks. We started hanging our more and more, doing our best to not cross the line as she was still in a relationship. She decided to officially end things with the guy and we started dating immediately. This was in 2018, September...
2020 February, she gave birth to our daughter. 2021 January we got married and moved in together, as a young family and newlyweds. On the last day of 2021, December 31st, we moved to our new place in what seemed like a beginning of the great of our lives together.
Things became rocky from around 2022 February when I was promoted to manager at the company with both worked at, as our coworkers suddenly become hostile towards us and made her life particularly harder. But we tried not to let that get to us but cracks formed. I was in an awkward position because I couldn't do anything without it looking like I was defending her, even though my actions were justified...
A lot happened and it affected our marriage as we were now constantly arguing or found ourselves not taking to one another for a bit and things just escalated from there...
Around May 2022 she mentioned a customer she was assisting was flirting with her and she wasn't sure how to handle that, so I playfully advised she told the guy that I wouldn't give him the best service if he kept on flirting with my wife. She told me she politely told him to draw a line and he apparently did and that was the end of that...
1st August 2022, my wife quit from working. She couldn't handle it anymore. The environment was not conducive anymore and this was affecting her health and just not worth it. So she was a stay at home now and I continued working in my role as manager and things seemed to get better without the pressure of trying to show everyone that I was objective.
Things at home didn't not get better however, and we became distant from each other. We were living with her youngest sister as she was helping us out with our daughter while we were both working fulltime. Work demand and hours didn't allow us much time so we needed her help.
Now that she was not working anymore, I hated how I would get home and the house was a mess and when I say "house" I'm just exaggerating because we were renting a back room at the time, so there was never much "cleaning" to be done at a given time. But they (she and her younger sister) managed to not do anything all day and that bothered me...
There were days they didn't even cook, or wash dishes so I would have to come back from work, help out tired our house, wash dishes and then help out with cooking... when I asked what they were doing all day, "watching series" or "doing our nails" was the most frequent answers, so I just stopped asking and stopped helping out. I was too tired and it was unfair.. She would call me out for not helping out anymore, citing that I would get used to her doing all the work and never help out anymore...
The funny thing is, every morning, I would wake up, get ready for work and then prepare our daughter for day care and leave them both sleeping until God knows when, without ever complaining of doing that because that was my role and I played it to the best of my ability... they couldn't even keep a small backroom tidy even though they spent most of the time there anyway.
Almost 2 months after she quit working and here I was, seeing text messages between her and some guy, calling each other all sorts of pet names. The intimacy from the message I saw shocked me... I felt like I was having a panic attack; I couldn't breath and nothing made sense. I was so devastated! I didn't know how we had gotten here. How could she do me like that? Why did she do me like that?
I asked her who the guy was and why were they calling each other with such pet names. I will never forget her response. The look on her face, the lack of care about her, even though I had evidence she was cheating... "He is no one...", "are you going through my phone?" That was her response... without even looking at me, she just said that, as if it was just the most normal thing to say in the world...
She would explain that it was nothing physical, it was jus text over the phone that meant nothing. She did that because she felt like I didn't love her anymore, so she desired to be wanted and she knew she would get that from the guy... and yes, it was the same guy who had flirted with her all those months earlier; the same guy she supposedly felt uncomfortable interacting with as he was being unprofessional...
I know my wife, at least I thought I did... and I didn't buy any of her explanation but as if the beginning of a new trend for me, I chose to believe her and what she was telling me instead of the feeling I had that was screaming "SHE'S LYING!!!!" all through my body... she insisted that they had never met in person, except when she was still working and he was still just a customer.
I later found out not only did they met up during their so called "over the phone" affair, it started while she was still working (soon after she had complained about his flirting with her to me); her younger sister knew about the guy and what she and my wife were doing but didn't at least warn me about it; she had lied on several occasions about where she was going (she claimed to be going to see a friend one time, only to be going to meet up with him)...
She had written a fairytale story of some sort detailing how they met but never finished it; she wrote a confession letter about her feelings for him (feelings she still claims she doesn't have and never did) that she wanted me to find while I was going through because I didn't trust her (yes! She was upset that I didn't trust her and was going through her phone after I had found out she was cheating on me)...
I am still devastated, till this day, when I think about everything she did to me. I know I am not perfect, nor have I claimed to be, but for her to do that to me, like that!?
She insists that she never slept with the guy but I don't believe that... they went from a phone fling that was meaningless, to meeting up a few times where nothing happened not even a hug, to worst case scenario they just kissed and it was a baby kiss at worst, to they just drove around in his car and talked, to they would just chilled at garages and talked, to he tried touching her thigh while they talked but she wouldn't allow it, to he fingered her one time but she stopped him after a few minutes...
I kept finding out these things one at a time, and the story changes with each discovery... even the part that her younger sister knew about them was by accident; I was going through her photos and realised how much I had missed over the last few months. When I saw a picture of a conversation she had with her younger sister because he had recorded a voice note for the younger sister who had gotten disappointing news that she sent to the guy and what they referred to him as in their sisterly conversations...
I went to their chat, and found out they gave him a special name and my wife would tell her younger sister when he wanted to come over and see her, and how they would plan their day around that... So, when I say I don't believe they didn't sleep together, it's because I've come to learn the kind of person my wife truly is... she's a liar and is very selfish... and loves to play the victim!
We are still together, and it's been 5 months since I discovered her infidelity but any real happiness and innocence we shared is long gone... I see that I don't trust her anymore... things I would not notice before are now super red flags, like how she slightly changes the details of any story she tells especially if I know of it. I was just thinking how given the chance to go back to our beginning, knowing what I know now, I would not engage with her and just avoid any possibility with her...