three hundred forty (340)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: I found screen shots of money transfers in his IPad and confronted him about them.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I completely dissociated when I found out. I was super upset for a week before I confronted him again and the words stuck in my head. Then I went into overdrive trying to fix my marriage.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I lost 40 pounds, I wasn’t able to sleep for a couple of months.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I began seeing a therapist specializing in betrayal trauma, who validates my feelings. I journal and am doing what I can to get my self love back to where it should be.

What are your next steps?: I have filed for divorce, I have gone as low contact as possible given that we have young children. I am going on a wellness retreat in the desert and am finally just living my life doing what I want.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Strong, Empowered, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Somewhere along the way you stopped thinking of yourself in such a loving way as what you truly deserve. Work on that, bring yourself back and it will not only get you through this pain, but you will get to where you know that if you met them today, you

What else would you like to share?: Don’t go back. You can’t be the marriage police, don’t put yourself through that. They will cheat again.

three hundred thirty nine (339)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: He cheated on me

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Broken inside

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleepin

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Don't talk

What are your next steps?: I don't know

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Afraid, Strong, Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Hopeless

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Stay strong

What else would you like to share?: For now i need job

three hundred thirty eight (338)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Text messages he denies anything happened after he ghosted me for weeks hanging out with her I also asap recent text she sent upset he’s ignoring her for me

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I’m devastated I feel like a fool believing his lies and accepted his behavior

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Everything is off

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Online message board’s

What are your next steps?: I don’t know
I want to be done
But always go back

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Feeling old and unattractive undesirable

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Don’t ignore intuition

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred thirty seven (337)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: I was the one who cheated

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Shameful, guilty, angry, disappointed, distrustfing of myself, remorseful, anxious, stuck, unforgiven

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yes. Recurring depression and anxiety. Eating more, sleeping less and more at the same time.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Physically harming myself, sleep, therapy, support groups, reddit, affirmations, music, exercise, podcasts, YouTube. & no, I still think I'm a shit fucking person.

What are your next steps?: Attend therapy and focus solely on learning to forgive myself and understand that he (the one I betrayed) will heal too. With or without me.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Ones I can't express in words

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Take accountability immediately. It's scary but you owe it to yourself and especially to the person you claim to love(d) that you are fully honest and give the opportunity to grow your all. Even if it ends in a separation.

What else would you like to share?: To him,

I'm sure you'll probably never find this but I truly did love you. I wish with everything within me that I can show you how guilty and disgusting I feel for tainting and ruining your idea of love. I never want you to feel any ounce of the hate I have for myself, for yourself. Be accountable, but please, allow yourself to heal. Don't let me hold you back from love.

three hundred thirty six (336)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Thanksgiving. My daughter checked my husband’s location and he was hundreds of miles away from where he was supposed to be. This discovery played out in front of my extended family because we were together for the holiday.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Shock. This is the second time (that know of). The first caused an extend case of Bell’s Palsy. Full recovery not achieved. Residual paralysis noticeable.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yes

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Therapy. Sleep. Apathy. Drinking. Thoughts of suicide.

What are your next steps?: I don’t know.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Hopeless. Exhausted.

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I don’t know anymore.

What else would you like to share?: It’s the wurst feeling in the world. It’s consuming.

three hundred thirty five (335)

Your Age: Under 20

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: I went into his phone and found messages

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Betrayed like it’s scary how easily he was able to lie to me

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?:

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Tbh I’m just trying to ignore I don’t want to keep bringing it up to my partner

What are your next steps?:

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred thirty four (334)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: I received a text meant for “her” not me. It was about me being on my way home so it was obviously not for me.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I’m divorced now, I stayed for 4 yrs fighting for my marriage. Still feel cheated out of memories, like they stole my families memories and stole 10yrs of my life, they could have set me free and did not. I didn’t have any choices not being in the know.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Poor eating habits, drinking too much, not exercising enough.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I’ve gone on trips, have dated, spent time w family and friends. Yes it helps but I continue to carry the anger of feeling like part of my life was stolen from me.

What are your next steps?: Continue to put one foot in front of the other, allow myself to trust again, keep trying to let go of what I can’t change.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Be thePer

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred thirty three (333)

Title: Still stuggling 2 years later

Your Story: After getting divorced from my high school sweet heart [ a 20 year relationship with some ups but sadly more downs, and 7 years of infidelity on his part.]

The universe brought me together with an amazing human, there was an instant connection and friendship, and I finally felt seen, understood... my heart was all in , and I knew he was my forever person. Long distance was a challenge and he ended up cheating on me with my hairdresser... we broke up and I was devastated... this was supposed to be my new start filled with love, honesty & mutual respect.

Covid lock downs happened shortly after, and he contacted me to please come back, that he made a huge mistake and begged for forgiveness.

I went back, he lost his job, I moved to his city, helped look after his grandad, helped him start a business, helped with his debt - 7 months later we could afford our own apartment & moved to the beach... I was so happy, he was so happy, we were content... or so I thought. Again the carpet got pulled from under my feet... a month after moving into our new apartment he had began a sexual relationship with a girl half his age, still in collage and living at home with her parents.
The relationships lasted 1 month before I found solid evidence. They would have sex in her parents house, she knew of me, knew we lived together, knew we were in a relationship and didn't care.
When I confronted her, her response was "get over it, how was I supposed to know you were in a serious relationship".
My partner took accountability for the affair, promised to tell me the truth and break it off with her. I stayed with him, but I still feel disempowered sad stupid for trusting my heart, for trusting him.
After 2 years it still hurts and I still have betrayal trauma (and triggers)

I question do we ever really know the full truth?
How can they cheat? And still say they love you? This concept is so foreign for me.

Do we ever trully heal and why is it taking so long ?

Thank you for reading my story. It feels so liberating being vulnerable in this safe space.

three hundred thirty two (332)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Through a dream which kept coming back over and over.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I first felt as if I was over reacting because my husband would never have an affair with the neighbor and whom he knew we were very close to. Till today I still feel like this is a bad dream and someone will wake me up

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I hardly eat or sleep. Been taking sleeping tablets.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I communicate with the people that mostly support me and have similar issues.

What are your next steps?: My husband and I have agreed to move because things are acquired with the neighbors. Still trying to see if we can fix the relationship.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: You really need to be strong and you need to believe that it was never about you.

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred thirty one (331)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: The woman’s husband reached out

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Devastated, denial, anger, betrayed, broken hearted, sadness, depression, ugly, stupid, delusional, broken, unwanted, unloved, not good enough, helplessness

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I can’t eat, exhausted, unsettled, and constant crying

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Taking responsibility for my failure. Admitting defeat. Nothing is working

What are your next steps?: Mustering up the courage to leave.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Broken

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I don’t have anything else to give

What else would you like to share?: Wished I could die