Your Age: 51 +
Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days
How did you learn about it?: While doing bible study in the morning his phone ran twice and he silenced it. It was a the name of a male friend/acquaintance. Right after bible study he got up to call back the friend. The cell signal is poor here and he walk a distance away to make the call. Later he came back closer, but were speaking very softly. Something just felt off.... I have never ever checked his phone, because I did not feel the need to, I trusted him. Something just urged met to check his phone while he went to the bathroom. I checked his whatsapp and there were a message from this friend who called earlier. Upon opening it realized it was a woman. He was back from the bathroom quicky, but what the little bit if the conversations I saw almost had me had a heart attack. When I confronted him, he just said: you read it, so now you know and he left.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I am beyond heartbroken. We had a close to perfect relationship. He was the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend and my whole existence revolved around him. For me her was the best thing that happened to me after a failed marriage of 33 years (I left because of abuse) and a failed relationship of 2 years (he just used me).
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Struggle to sleep and do not have an appetite most of the time. I am coming and going between cracking down and trying to be brave.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Nothing. Just try and pray and talk to God as much as I can.
What are your next steps?: I truly do not know. I am so scared.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: My whole world collapsed and I wish I could rather die as to carry on without him.
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: None. I need advise
What else would you like to share?: Besides the betrayal itself I am in total disbelief as to all the lies he told, which I only become aware of now. Then the fact that I was convinced the two of us walked a spiritual road together, which now clearly is not the case. The night before he left me, he still told me he loved me. I do not have an income and he dumped me at my ex-husband's under false pretence, which he made me believe otherwise, before the ordeal. Imagine at my ex-husband! I have no where else to go and have to put up with him, while he makes not secret of it that he does not want me here. If I were not spiritual, I definitely would have taken my own life now