Your Age: 21-30
Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago
How did you learn about it?: I was the one who cheated
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Shameful, guilty, angry, disappointed, distrustfing of myself, remorseful, anxious, stuck, unforgiven
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yes. Recurring depression and anxiety. Eating more, sleeping less and more at the same time.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Physically harming myself, sleep, therapy, support groups, reddit, affirmations, music, exercise, podcasts, YouTube. & no, I still think I'm a shit fucking person.
What are your next steps?: Attend therapy and focus solely on learning to forgive myself and understand that he (the one I betrayed) will heal too. With or without me.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: Ones I can't express in words
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Take accountability immediately. It's scary but you owe it to yourself and especially to the person you claim to love(d) that you are fully honest and give the opportunity to grow your all. Even if it ends in a separation.
What else would you like to share?: To him,
I'm sure you'll probably never find this but I truly did love you. I wish with everything within me that I can show you how guilty and disgusting I feel for tainting and ruining your idea of love. I never want you to feel any ounce of the hate I have for myself, for yourself. Be accountable, but please, allow yourself to heal. Don't let me hold you back from love.