two hundred seventy one (271)

Title: 14 Years of lying

Your Story: My husband always went to his high school reunions back in his hometown. He NEVER invited me to go but that was ok with me. The last reunion he spent the entire time in a hotel with a married female classmate instead of his grandmothers house.
I got a call after he returned from one of his friends that he had been seen coming and going in and out of the hotel with this woman.
So I asked him if he had been with someone. He said no. Very convincingly.
Next I noticed over 200 calls between them on our plan bill in less than a month. Asked why so many calls. Said her husband was abusing her and she needed someone to talk to. Another lie.
14 years I asked him, went to therapy cause I thought I was crazy. Long story short he finally confessed 14 years later to that AND a three way when we were only married 2 years. Now expects me to get over it because it was 14 years ago! NO! NO! NO! It just happened the day you finally confessed so why should the results be any different.
We are separating until I decide next steps!
I am grief stricken! ANGRY! Shocked and betrayed! Never thought he would do something like this to me.
Hurting very badly, losing weight, and afraid of my future. Everyone tells me I’m not alone and how strong I am. I’ll be so happy when I believe this myself.
I know I can make it alone, just hadn’t planned on it and the shock of the change is devastating!

two hundred sixty nine (269)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: My boyfriend told me that he cheated on me

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I'm feeling sad and it is hard to trust that he will not leave because I'm scared to lose him.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Eating and sleeping

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I don't know how to act

What are your next steps?: I'm not sure about it

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I don't have Any

What else would you like to share?: I want to know how to heal

two hundred seventy (270)

Your Age: Under 20

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: 6 months

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt apart because I love my man dearly

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleep and sister's

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I just pray inside I need him back

What are your next steps?: To see relationship working again

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness

What emotions are missing from the list?: Speechless, I don't know to say

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:Forgive, and stay strong, it shall come to pass ,it will never stay for long as long as you pray,God will see you through

What else would you like to share?: I want him back, even though is painful

two hundred sixty eight (268)

our Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: He confessed

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Agony. Confused. Broken. Lost. Terrified. Devastated. Angry. Disappointed shock

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Nit eating or sleeping

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Talking to family and friends. Contacted councillors. Considering medication as not coping.

What are your next steps?: No idea. Its been a week and I just can't process what has happened

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Broken despair devastation

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I have nothing to offer right now as I am desperate to try and alleviate the pain I am feeling

What else would you like to share?: We have been together 9.5 years and I did not have any warning of this

two hundred sixty seven (267)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: Witnessed it

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I am getting better and half over it,I felt like the world is a hell and things will never get better.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Everything is normal but sometimes I can can be easily triggered

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Meditation,breathing exercises

What are your next steps?: Keep my marriage

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Abandoned, scammed,

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:Keep on believing in yourself atleast you know where you standing

What else would you like to share?: Watch their actions,don't believe their words

two hundred sixty six (266)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: He told me about it after many questions

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: So so sad.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I can’t sleep or eat

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: We tried therapy but he doesn’t want to go anymore. He continued to cheat on me during our couples therapy

What are your next steps?: I want to stay married and have a good marriage

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: None

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: You have to do what is best for you

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred sixty five (265)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: He confessed when we were cuddling in bed . It was after I had noticed that he seemed really stressed so I kept on asking him if he is ok . He kept on saying he is worried about work . Eventually he confessed.

After confessing he asked me how I felt . His confession went like this :
- I have been seeing someone for 3 months
- we are not dating
But this means that IF I date her we won’t be able to see each other again.

My partner and I had been on and off however in the past 3 months we had been speaking and talking about his life decisions in terms of work and financial decisions as well as mental health.
He has also always stated that he wants to marry me .

I felt as though he was giving me an ultimatum to commit fully but at the same time I felt betrayed because he could have told me on plenty occasions.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I was in shock when I found out because the day before we had spent the whole day together and he treated me the way he normally did - telling me about how he feels etc

I felt scared that I had lost him
I felt sad that he basically lied to me

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I’ve been drinking a lot . I’m not eating as much

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Talking to my friends, praying , working

What are your next steps?: I want to speak to him about how I feel because after he told me I immediately left without airing how I felt

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Confusion

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I have no idea

What else would you like to share?:

two hundred sixty four (264)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: From a text.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Validation that something was going on. Anger. Betrayal. Worry for my future. My kids. Jealousy.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Not eating much - no appetite. Fall asleep but can’t stay asleep.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Therapy. Lots of therapy. Friends.

What are your next steps?: This. More therapy. Telling family.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Validation — i knew something was off. Disgust.

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Hold on to those you love and trust. They will support you.

What else would you like to share?: Thank you for creating this space.

two hundred sixty three (263)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: I saw texts on his phone

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I'm hurt, disappointed and angry. I've given so much of myself and this isn't what I deserved, especially considering that we both felt the same way but instead of talking to me, he established an emotional connection with someone else. All the while, he said he wants to fix things. I hate him (when I'm angry)

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I eat fine and sleep ok, mostly.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Alcohol. Not really but at least I sleep.

What are your next steps?: I've been wanting to end things but I think getting to know someone else would be an exhausting exercise.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?: None

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:Leave, no one who lies to you is worth the effort.

What else would you like to share?: I'm really angry

two hundred sixty two (262)

Title: You matter

Your Story: I’ve known my husband is a sex addict for three years. He went to treatment and I thought we were doing better. I was 2 months postpartum with our child when he had a physical and emotional affair with a coworker. It was the darkest time of my life. Not only was I drowning in new motherhood but I also had to navigate through this. He tried to leave and I fought as hard as I could to convince him to stay. Looking back, I probably should have let him go. He shows extreme remorse now but still deals with urges to talk to her. He had an abusive upbringing and has not sought much help for himself aside from the forced treatment a few years ago. I’m not sure he’s capable of loving me the way I deserve to be loved. I feel guilty leaving because of our child. And I feel stupid for staying because I had to convince him of my worth. I have good days where I feel like we can make it. Then something will trigger me and I will feel terrible again. Part of me wishes he would mess up again so I could leave knowing I tried as hard as I could. The anxiety can be crushing-not knowing if it will happen again. I am working hard to put myself first, make my needs known, and convince myself it was not my fault. I deal with so many feelings but the predominant ones are sadness and anger. I feel so sad that so many others have to experience this kind of hurt. No one deserves to feel this way. I hope that all of us can find a way to not only survive, but eventually thrive. We all deserve better than what has happened to us. To anyone reading this: you are lovable, you matter, and you deserve good things.

Stay strong