Title: You matter
Your Story: I’ve known my husband is a sex addict for three years. He went to treatment and I thought we were doing better. I was 2 months postpartum with our child when he had a physical and emotional affair with a coworker. It was the darkest time of my life. Not only was I drowning in new motherhood but I also had to navigate through this. He tried to leave and I fought as hard as I could to convince him to stay. Looking back, I probably should have let him go. He shows extreme remorse now but still deals with urges to talk to her. He had an abusive upbringing and has not sought much help for himself aside from the forced treatment a few years ago. I’m not sure he’s capable of loving me the way I deserve to be loved. I feel guilty leaving because of our child. And I feel stupid for staying because I had to convince him of my worth. I have good days where I feel like we can make it. Then something will trigger me and I will feel terrible again. Part of me wishes he would mess up again so I could leave knowing I tried as hard as I could. The anxiety can be crushing-not knowing if it will happen again. I am working hard to put myself first, make my needs known, and convince myself it was not my fault. I deal with so many feelings but the predominant ones are sadness and anger. I feel so sad that so many others have to experience this kind of hurt. No one deserves to feel this way. I hope that all of us can find a way to not only survive, but eventually thrive. We all deserve better than what has happened to us. To anyone reading this: you are lovable, you matter, and you deserve good things.
Stay strong