four hundred (400)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Being arrange marriage

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Very disappointed and sad

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleeping

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I'm trying to save the marriage forsake of the children

What are your next steps?: Speak to a psychologist or marriage conselar

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Voiceless, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Afraid, Alone

What emotions are missing from the list?: Hate

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: To speak up and confront her

What else would you like to share?: I'm still committed to this marriage, I don't know if it's love or afraid of being alone

three hundred ninety nine (399)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Reaction, hiding money , phone .

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:Angry, resentful

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I don't sleep . Anxious feelings

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I saw,psychologist, taking antidepressants.

What are your next steps?: To finally live without him

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed, Alone

What emotions are missing from the list?: Resentful, hopeless

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Seek professional help.

What else would you like to share?: I focus to rebuild my esteem, take positive care of my self , loving myself and my children. To start a new career.

three hundred ninety eight (398)

Title: Remaining truthful after betrayal in a marital relationship.

Your Story: I have been married since 2004 and when I was pregnant my second child in 2005 my husband had another woman pregnant. This continued as he was working somewhere different from where I was. After several years now we were staying in one place with my husband this came out. The woman was lashing out at my husband for not maintaining the child. I get to know the news. I was angry , hurt, disappointed and resentful. It took time for me to trust my husband to believe in him. I was pregnant the following year my third child. I struggled raising two toddlers and I made decision leaving my husband with my first child who was ten years old. I resigned from my job and got another job close to my family. I raised my two young boys and I would see their father once a month. My 10 year old son wanted to come to stay with me alluding that his father leaves him alone with television. I took my son to come stay with me and my other two sons. We separated with my husband but when I wanted to divorce him he refused. I was still angry but decided to forgive him. One time when he visited us and the kids I was still having trust issues and saw one of the messages in his phone of girlfriend and found he still continued with cheating. I didn't confront him. I told myself I will raise my children they are my priority. Now my kids are grown up the first born is 24 completed University, second born at university doing first year , and my last born is in grade 12. Now, I am finally determined to divorce my husband but he is not believing me. I left him in 2022,May. I have plans to relocate and start a,fresh new,life without him.

three hundred ninety seven (397)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: Hard

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I'm ready to be in love

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Eating

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:Nothing

What are your next steps?:

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Alone

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred ninety six (396)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Gut feeling

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Like meeting more women

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I'm relaxed

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:Games and no

What are your next steps?: Meet more people

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Alone, Devalued, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred ninety five (395)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: My siblings told me after learning from a friend that she had been seen making out with someone at a bar while I was waiting at home for her.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I still have anxiety and moments where I don't trust her. For the better part of a year, I was distraught. The weeks immediately following D-Day were pure torture. I lose twenty pounds from not eating or drinking, I became a shell of myself.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I've done over a year of therapy, gotten in better shape, changed my eating and sleeping habits, and have improved myself. Our marriage has improved significantly, but it isn't something I'll ever forget about.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:Infidelity forums, reading self-help and infidelity recovery books, having more open and honest discussion with my wife.

What are your next steps?: I will continue working on myself to fix issues I've caused in my marriage over the years (nothing excuses her cheating, but she had also told me dozens of times that year that she wanted a divorce but couldn't afford it... In turn, I stopped trying because everything I did only made things worse).

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Voiceless, Betrayed, Replaced, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Guilt

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: It can happen to anyone. A marriage isn't just a one and done event, you have to continue to date your spouse or they will potentially lose the spark and find it somewhere else.

What else would you like to share?: I've read that it can take 2+ years to fully recover from this, and at one year out I definitely feel better, but I know I'm not all the way there yet. I'm hoping we can learn to be safe partners for each other. But I'm honestly terrified knowing that we've only been together 14 years and potentially still have another 40 to go... how will we possibly make it without future problems?

three hundred ninety four (394)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: By not sleeping at home don't want to support me unexplainable calls

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I am so broken

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleeping

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:sometimes I drink allegex to sleep

What are your next steps?: I am seeking the truth I will divorce him

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Alone, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Cornered/Forced, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Undermined

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: seek for the truth

What else would you like to share?: I am sick and tired of this situation i no longer stay with him

three hundred ninety three (393)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: I initially found out by getting into his WhatsApp, he confessed but only about the pictures and messages. A few weeks later I found he had pictures of explicit acts synced to his computer that he didn’t delete.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel like I can’t breathe. I have 2 young kids with him and I don’t know I can get past this. I’m grieving my family being whole.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I’m not eating much, barely sleeping, on autopilot at work.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I’m seeing a counselor but it’s not really helpful. I’m listening to podcasts and listening to audiobooks. I’m having a hard time with not talking to anyone because I fear the judgement if I stay with him.

What are your next steps?: I’m sitting with this for now, I can’t make any snap decisions because of the kids. I’m the primary breadwinner so any decisions need to be well thought out.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed, Cornered/Forced, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: It’s ok to sit in your grief, it is an important part of the process, and you shouldn’t make any decisions on your worst day.

What else would you like to share?: The affair partner was a mom of a friend of our 6 yr old, and also a coworker of my husband. I am experiencing horrible flashbacks and triggers all the time, I feel sick but I know this will pass and I’ll be ok.

three hundred ninety two (392)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I saw it on his phone cause he was overprotective about it which it was something new and there was a change in behaviour. I took it while he was bathing, he fought me and before that there was a girl who was calling which he fought me when I wanted to see who was it. After I finded out he said he was gonna stop but his behaviour was still the same and still hiding his phone. 3 days ago he left his phone in the house curiously I opened it and found the same girl he left the house on Sunday and spent a night with her

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I’m feeling betrayed, angry and held up. I have so much hate inside of me.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Eating and I’ve lost control. I’m angry

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:Nothing.

What are your next steps?: I want to leave him

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness

What emotions are missing from the list?: Speechless, empty

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I don’t know. Don’t trust men

What else would you like to share?: He is in my house now wanting me to act like everything is normal. He doesn’t want us to talk about it. He’s making it like there’s nothing wrong. I feel like bursting. He doesn’t want me to sleep or be said he’s saying I should pretend like everything is okay

three hundred ninety one (391)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: Just moved in together. Was going through his laptop at home, emails especially. Found out he joined multiple dating sites. This was the second time I found emails like this.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:Absolutely shattered. In total disbelief, but also equal parts numb.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: The first time I found it, I had no appetite. Second time, I had dinner straight afterwards.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:Currently, just wanting to pray about it to make sense of it all.

What are your next steps?: Decide if I need to walk away or make it work and stay.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Alone, Sadness, Afraid, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Humiliated

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Choose yourself first. Someone has to