natalie lumpkin
OUR STORIES
OUR STORIES

three hundred eighty (380)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: I learned about it to late. I had received a message on an old Facebook account from the wife of the affair partner. She told me that she caught her husband and my wife exchanging graphic sexual photos and videos and planning on meeting in person. I sadly didn’t see the message until a year after she sent it and a few months after the affair ended.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt devastated, like something had died or been taken away from me suddenly. I feel guilt and shame and loneliness. I am terrified and appalled by her actions. She really seems like a different person to me now. All my emotions are in constant conflict with each other

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I stopped eating for about a week and I sleep alone on a coach.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: It’s a roller coaster, I try to express all thoughts and feelings as they come up

What are your next steps?: I don’t know. Thats where I’m lost. We have kids. I feel no remorse on her part. Yet after 20 years how do I leave how do I leave the kids. I feel like all the painful decisions are for me to make and she is the one her betrayed me. I can’t look at her the same anymore without vulgar thought and feelings flaring up. I have tried to reach out with kindness to try to “win” her back yet I’m not the one who left and lied and chose to behave in such a deceitful way.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: The news is fresh and I’m seeking advice myself

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred seventy nine (379)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: She told me

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:Loss or words. Still ready to forgive her, but she broke up, and decided to marry him in 10 days

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yes, i stopped eating and exercised a lot in the inital 2 months

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:Somewhat. Yoga and regular exercise

What are your next steps?: Find a better partner

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Stay strong, fuck the cheater

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred seventy eight (378)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I learned about it through a friend who was caught in the same situation and my partner hoped he would betray me by keeping his secret, unfortunately my friend values our friendships over his infidelity.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel like an idiot, as well as hurt, sad and like I'm wearing a clown suit that everyone could see except me.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I have been sleeping more, but stressed out more often

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I don't really have a coping mechanism as yet, I'm still finding my way around that, but talking about it dies help

What are your next steps?: To get to a more

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Disrespected, used, abused

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Follow your gut and don't stand down because u don't want to be disrespectful

What else would you like to share?: That if they want to they will and if they change from what u met or got used to in the beginning stages, that that's the red flag telling you, you are being played.

three hundred seventy seven (377)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: By checking his phone

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Now I feel no love and no trust...I was devastated at the time I took care of both my brothers who had Huntington decease

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I eat more sleep less at night

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I keep myself busy at church and with my children

What are your next steps?: I'm considering divorce...since past December

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Resentment

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Listen to your heart.

What else would you like to share?: Take note of what's happening in your marriage don't allow manipulation

three hundred seventy six (376)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: I learned about it a year later. My partner got drunk and went into self-destruct mode and intentionally spewed things out to hurt me. Many untrue and true things. One truth being that he cheated on me on our 5th year anniversary.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I am so incredibly hurt, angry, and jealous. I am filled with hate. Hate towards him, her, and myself.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I am always drained. I do not want to eat.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I started therapy. Not sure if it’s working yet. I’ve only had 1 session.

What are your next steps?: More self therapy. Couples therapy and setting my boundaries with him.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Jealous

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Whichever decision you make, is okay. Your feelings and emotions are valid. Get to therapy at least for yourself.

What else would you like to share?:

three hundred seventy five (375)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: Looking at his phone- I wasn’t expecting to find it, we had been in an argument and wanted to see if he had said anything to his brothers.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:Sad, mad and confused. I was so overwhelmed at first, and now less but I still don’t understand why it happened or what is going to happen.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: All of it

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:Rest, working helps. I still haven’t really found anything as trying to still manage it all

What are your next steps?: Continuing counselling individuals and as a couple

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Afraid, Empowered, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Numb

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: One day at a time

What else would you like to share?: Unhappy for awhile

three hundred seventy four (374)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I went thru his phone and found out he was texting a girl he worked with.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt like an udder failure in my life. I want to die. I wanted to scream why am I not enough. I still feel that way. I feel ugly and hurt.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Not eating as much. Sleep is hard some nights.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I want to just end it. I want things back the way they were but I am just so angry. I want to get so drunk and high and just leave.

What are your next steps?: I don’t know I don’t want to walk away but it just so hard sometimes.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Ugly and old

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I don’t know.

What else would you like to share?: I just wish that someone would just see me and my love and that it was enough.

three hundred seventy two (372)

Title: Taking Revenge on bf for hooking up with my best friend

Your Story: I was deeply happy to have a loving boyfriend and best friend but they were acting suspicious when they met each other,one day I followed my boyfriend’s car and he went to my best friend’s house I looked through the window and saw them sleeping and kissing I confronted them and changed to another school,they .

three hundred seventy one (371)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I found a screenshot of a text on his ipad. He sent a picture of himself holding our newborn son to his girlfriend while I was sitting right next to him in a hospital bed. She replied “I’m even more in love with you now”.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.:Devastated that my best friend, partner, soul mate would do this to me especially when I was at my most vulnerable. It started when I first became pregnant and was very sick. He abandoned and betrayed me when I needed him most. My family was the most important thing to me in the whole world. Now I’m alone with a 2.5 yr, 2 month old, and brand new house we just custom built.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I can barely stand to eat- Ive lost 7 pounds in the last week and a half. I didnt have much to spare to begin with. I’m not able to produce enough breastmilk for my baby because of the stress and pain. My body is shutting down.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?:When I found that first screenshot- i called and texted everyone I knew. I have many friends and family members checking on me, visiting, and bringing food. I still feel like I want to die. I still feel completely alone. Ive started therapy and have some medication but its not helping.

What are your next steps?: My “husband” wont talk to me. He wont tell me whats going on. The only explanation Ive received is that he “hasnt been in love with me for 10-11 months” (when i first got pregnant and was very very sick). He moved out of our house. I’ve emailed some lawyers. Im feel paralyzed.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Devastated, hopeless, abandoned

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?: