Your Age: 41-50
Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months
How did you learn about it?: I learned about it to late. I had received a message on an old Facebook account from the wife of the affair partner. She told me that she caught her husband and my wife exchanging graphic sexual photos and videos and planning on meeting in person. I sadly didn’t see the message until a year after she sent it and a few months after the affair ended.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt devastated, like something had died or been taken away from me suddenly. I feel guilt and shame and loneliness. I am terrified and appalled by her actions. She really seems like a different person to me now. All my emotions are in constant conflict with each other
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I stopped eating for about a week and I sleep alone on a coach.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: It’s a roller coaster, I try to express all thoughts and feelings as they come up
What are your next steps?: I don’t know. Thats where I’m lost. We have kids. I feel no remorse on her part. Yet after 20 years how do I leave how do I leave the kids. I feel like all the painful decisions are for me to make and she is the one her betrayed me. I can’t look at her the same anymore without vulgar thought and feelings flaring up. I have tried to reach out with kindness to try to “win” her back yet I’m not the one who left and lied and chose to behave in such a deceitful way.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced
What emotions are missing from the list?:
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: The news is fresh and I’m seeking advice myself
What else would you like to share?: