Your Age: 41-50
Length of Relationship : 21 years or more
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months
How did you learn about it?: First discovered emails 3 years ago.
He said he cut things off.
Then admitted 4 months ago to continuing the affair for 6 years.
Prior to the long term affair, he was fucking around with randos for 2 years.
So he cheated for 8 years out of our 15 year marriage and 22 years together.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt like shit then and now. I felt lower than low. Unworthy of anything good. Like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me. Like I fell into the twilight zone. Nothing felt real. I still struggle with this new reality and re-writing of my history.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I have nightmares, flashbacks, re-enactments. All torture. Anxiety and panic attacks. I lost 20 lbs. I never feel hungry anymore.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Music.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes it makes things worse.
What are your next steps?: Therapy.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: Anxious. Depleted. Sick.
What advice would you give to others in this situation?:Don’t get married.
What else would you like to share?: Fuck you Rachel