one hundred twelve (112)

Your Age: Under 20

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Not to trust a man

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Still angry n hurt i felt like killing my self

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Eating and sleeping

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Nothing at the moment

What are your next steps?: To see some1 i can talk to

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: Hurt

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Not to let emotions to control u

What else would you like to share?: Dnt trust any1

one hundred eleven (111)

Your Age: Under 20

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: After the first 8 months of the relationship I always felt like something was off with him. I talked about it with my friends all the time and even with him but he denied it. I cut him off a little bit after our first year together, with tears on my eyes I knew something was wrong and that the decision I had made was the best for me. Soon after we broke up the affair rumors started coming... About a girl, about two, about three and even with his ex. And they were all true. I just couldn’t believe it, I was completely impressed and confused, I shouldn’t have been because he had a girlfriend before and cheated on her multiple times, I was even one of those girls he cheated on her with. I believe karma is doing its job now but still can’t help but to feel hopeless and devastated. I truly believed in the fact that he would change its manners for me

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt dumb, unloved, betrayed, devastated, confused and shocked

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Just the fact that it has been stuck in my head ever since I found out

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Meditation

What are your next steps?: Moving forward, learning to love myself

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Make sure you really know and trust your partner.

What else would you like to share?:

one hundred ten (110)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: We used to talk all the time, then he slowly, little by little began separating himself from me. Making excuses not to go out. One time he let slip that he owed me his time because he felt bad for blowing me off to be someplace else. He would change the subject or kiss me to shut me up when I started asking questions. It became more apparent when he would ghost me for days, give me small minimal texts and then he vanished for a whole month off all social media. No texts. No calls just one day after that month where he said he was sorry to be so busy and would get back to me soon. It’s been 2 weeks so I called and I broke it off. He said he loved me but wouldn’t say why he disappeared or why he ignored me. I could hear a woman’s voice in the background. It’s over.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I’m sad and hurt. My heart had been crushed all this time but I tried to make excuses and tried to pretend it was gonna be ok. It’s not. He just played games with my emotions. Tonight I just want ice cream, comedy movies and my favorite blanket. Tomorrow I’m going to dress to the 9’s and hit the club with my gals. I hate that I gave him so much of my time and life when I know I’m a catch.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: During that time I ate less and less. I would feel so sad I couldn’t eat breakfast, I would eat an apple for lunch and maybe some bites of dinner. My pets loved the food more then me. I lost so much sleep and the stress was so intense my hair started thinning, some even falling out.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I been hitting the gym, shopping for sexy clothes. I had the idea that if I worked out and became this ultimate goddess on earth, I would be the object of his deepest fantasies. But now I’m just trying to focus on healing my heart, spending time in nature, gardening and writing poetry.

What are your next steps?: I wish I had a way out of this mess like win the lottery, move far away or something. For now my focus is to pick up a few hobbies, save money to visit a random place I’ve never been to. I hear the Maldives are magical. Maybe Bali. I just want to see something beautiful after dealing with this ugly grief so long.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Grief, Loss, Stress, Disgusted

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Don’t wait for them to let you go. If he wants something else, walk away. Don’t make excuses for him, especially if he abandoned you once.

What else would you like to share?: In all that crushing pain, suffering every minute of every hour waiting for him to call. I wish I would have been more honest to myself. Loved myself more. I am an amazing person. He was playing games, I just hope I can forgive myself. Love myself again. Walk away and never look back for him. It hurts. I hope I can heal this.

one hundred nine (109)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: He sent me a text message that was meant for her, once confronted, he confessed. The affair had been going on for a year and a half. He told her he loved her. He claims to me that he never meant it and he only acted in ways that would get him more attention from her. Its difficult to know if he is lying and if he really did love her. They worked together and she is much older than me and married as well. I am 32, she was 47. They would meet up and have sex in the car in parking lots, or would get hotels when I would be out of town. He even called in sick and booked vacation days while he was supposed to be working night shifts, and they would get a hotel together. I got a hold of his old cell bills recently and some months they would send up to 900 text messages per day! Its a lot to swallow, and a lot to try to work past. We have two young (ish) children.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Sad, betrayed, mad, angry, hurt, heartbroken, worthless, unimportant, unloved

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: back to eating and sleeping normal now but immediately after could not eat or sleep

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: therapy, reading blogs

What are your next steps?: Trying to work it out but it is difficult.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Look after yourself!

What else would you like to share?:

one hundred eight (108)

Title: Relationship problems

Your Story: I'm in 5 years relationship and my partner have been cheating several times and now i came to the point where i feel no love for him, even our sex game doesn't feel the same anymore, I'm no longer afraid to lose him, i just want to end things with him but I'm 7 months pregnant and I'm afraid to be a single parent I'm not working his the one that helps me in many ways but I'm not happy in my relationship... I don't know what to do anymore.

one hundred seven (107)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: I don't know what to say about this

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I feel like he never loved me because it keeps on happening all the time, he doesn't even care that he's hurting, keeps on telling me to take decisions my self if I want to go it's up to me, we have two kids together and am pregnant with the third one I don't know what to do

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I can't sleep normally I started to use big pillows because of shortness of breath

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Am not using anything

What are your next steps?: I don't know what to do because am unemployed and I don't have anywhere else to go

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?: N

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I don't have advice because

What else would you like to share?: Nothing more

one hundred six (106)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?:Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: It is he ex he has her name tatooed over his heart he calls her and talks to her often making excuses why she is present and hide that he does favors for her recently saw a text tellinig her hes falling in love again and misses his best friend

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I'm broken inside knowing that I'm not who he wants to be with I feel insecure and not worthy

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: don't sleep don't want to do anything

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: drugs

What are your next steps?: leaving

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:insecure

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

one hundred five (105)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 21 years or more

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: On December 15th 2019, I felt her staring at me as she sat on the back of our golf cart at my husbands company Christmas party. I didn’t know who she was, but I could feel her toxic energy immediately. Later that week my husband mentioned her at dinner with me and the kids. He said they talk and are friends, she works next door to his company. I told him I know her type and he better shut that door real fast because we don’t need that shit in our marriage and let it go for the time being, but I already knew the truth deep down. He had been distancing me for several weeks, so much so I had recently asked if I had done something to upset him, to which he replied, “No, I am fine.”. The next night I opened Facebook and she popped up as someone I may know. I clicked on her and saw her many attention seeking desperate selfies, cleavage shots and all. I immediately noticed my husband “liked” all of her numerous daily posts, even commenting on them. My heart sank as I knew the truth in my soul before confronting him right then. His long pause and color draining from his face said it all before he even uttered a single word of confession. When I checked the phone bill, I realized text contact began on November 1, 2019 with phone calls and physical contact starting fast and furious December 5, 2018 to an obsessive level (400 text per day).

We didn’t have a perfect marriage, but is was by no means bad. He was my soulmate, we went to high school together and have been married since I was 19. Never in a million years did I think he was capable of this. December 19, 2019 was the day my whole world fell apart.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Earth shattering grief, denial, insecure, heartbreak, agony, rage, anger, hurt, pain, sadness, fear, loss, betrayal. It feels like the last 24 years of my life was a lie. Our beautiful family and everything we’ve worked so hard to build together was nothing but a lie.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Lost 15 lbs within the first two weeks, no appetite, can’t sleep, cry when I don’t want to. I feel like I don’t have control of my emotions much of the time and it’s frustrating.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Self help books and videos, therapy, journaling. I don’t know if it’s working for me. I have okay days and I have bad days. It’s hard for me to imagine “normal” anytime soon.

What are your next steps?: We are committed to working through it, but I struggle seeing the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?:Hatred, heartbroken

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Try to find compassion for your spouse to help you both grow from this

What else would you like to share?: When does it get easier? I am committed to fighting for us, but I feel like nothing will bring me joy again. I know it’s temporary, but it feels so permanent.

one hundred four (104)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: Left my phone on recording and went to work just to check what's going on with my maid and my husband. They had a conversation about me, my husband told her he doesn't love me anymore, he is only staying for the kids. Came back from work, listened to the recording and confronted them.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Felt like my life just ended. Humiliated. Unloved. Devalued. Replaced. Disrespected.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Anger issues, insomnia, crying non stop, tired all the time, chest pains

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Therapy session was very short. I can't afford to continue. Drinking wine to numb my pain. Also focusing on myself and kids more.

What are your next steps?: We went tru divorce but we will reconcile because of financial issues on my side. I'm working on my exit strategy.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:Suicidal

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: You don't have to stay

What else would you like to share?: I put on a brave face and no one knows I'm dying inside. Also being known as a strong person that went tru difficulties, you are expected to deal as per usual. Even the closest people I no longer can speak to them about this because they do not understand what happened to the person they knew to be so strong. I could be strong for so many things but not too strong to be broken down by the man I gave my life to.

one hundred three (103)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: It started of with a comment my son made. He was telling me that the day I'd had gone with my oldest son to a soccer game that my husband saw his friend at the yogurt shop and that he gave a ride to her son because he had never been in a fast car like that. I didn't think much of it but, then my son continued saying that she was the same person that they had seen at a baseball game when he and his brother had gone with Dad. I made a face and thought, " huh, that's interesting he never mentioned anything". I began being an investigator....I had found those tickets that were given to him for his "birthday" by a male coworker but yet had her name on who had paid the tickets....then, I had found another receipt with the same numbers of that person's debit card on a receipt when he had gone to another city with co-workers.....from that I began looking for more things about this person...I got into his phone through my phone...somehow I was able to find things through my phone by getting into his Google account...there was a day when he'd told me that he was going to a soccer game with co workers and had told me who was going...he'd only mention 2 male co-workers and that he bought 3 tickets....I'd gone into his account where he bought his tickets and only showed 2....I went to the game....bought the cheapest tickets and saw him walking with a female I took pictures ....went home and waited for him to arrive.
When he did he starts telling me how fun it was and that we needed to go ourselves and drink a little...I went along and said, "sounds like fun". Then I told him I wanted to show him something...and I showed him the pictures....and told him who she was. 
He swore up and down that nothing was going on between them. But, because I didn't advocate for myself and many changes were happening for me...some were stressful supposed to be happy stresses,that I just dropped it .I was up against me going back to school to get my special education credentials and starting a new job as a special ed. Teacher,new Co workers, new site. My son's were also having changes going to new schools/ schedules I needed to reassure them that they were going to well...at their new school. We had just moved to a new home...so there was SO many changes that were making it hard to deal with that as well. Unfortunately because that happened I acquired anxiety through that and I believe, that was my brain, heart , and soul to shut down so I just worked to no end made my job number one so that didn't deal with what I thought an emotional affair...on December 11of 2018 that same female texted me letting me know that if I wanted to talk about my husband that I could text her....I did go back and forth with her because I wanted to see what she was complaining about my husband...he was dismissing her didn't want anything to do with her and she was not happy about that and because of that she had decided to "tell" on him...I simply told her how come it was never an issue before? She never answered....she only vented that he was a liar and that he lies to her....in my head , I was thinking...."wtf is this person talking about you both were fucking losers lying to yourselves" the last time I heard from her was on January 12th sending me pictures of her him..in places, eating lunch....etc. that is my part of how I found out.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt like I was walking in air....like I was going a mile a minute and everyone around me went at 100 mph..... nauseous, sad, depressed....I just couldn't feel anything but was feeling everything...I'm surprised I didn't die of sadness. I had never felt like this in my life. I'd developed anxiety after this trauma...and I just don't get how I was able to get up in the morning and just work. Went to school, took care of the house, boys, my students with this sadness that was weighing me down.
Now, I have my moments of sadness...I try my very best to ride it out with working out, music, cleaning....just things to keep me busy....before I tried to avoid my triggers but found out that,that was not the way to deal with triggers but rather to confront them by identifying what is making me feel this way and to identify my emotions and what I can do to sooth myself as I am going through a trigger.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I had insomnia, I did not sleep well and I would work on hework and work related materials. I ate very little.....a was nouseous in the morning and would eat one or two bites during lunch. I would always want to be alone in my class....I just wanted quiet.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I would write my emotions....hear music.....try my best to workout as much as I could...I went through some group therapy and was given a workbook and would read it to remind myself of things I can do to pass/ confront my emotions.

What are your next steps?: My next step is to get couples therapy...I did my own therapy first I put myself first for this situation and it took about 9 months for my group therapy... I feel that I can handle talking about it now as a couple.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Voiceless, Betrayed, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?:Disappointed

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Give yourself time to just cry, yell, feel the pain because ignoring it like I did comes at you in full force. You have to be willing to wrolite it out or have someone you can talk to and them JUST HEAR you out....without trying to fix the problem. Ultimately, your decision is yours and your only. Expect people leave from your life because either they cannot handle the pain you are going through and don't want to deal with you.

What else would you like to share?: You are not crazy for feeling the way you are feeling. That is your feeling and you are entitled to them. Do not let anyone tell you any different. It will get better but it will be darker before it gets lighter....please get professional help if you can...it helps to talk about your feelings.