Your Age: 31-40
Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days
How did you learn about it?: We used to talk all the time, then he slowly, little by little began separating himself from me. Making excuses not to go out. One time he let slip that he owed me his time because he felt bad for blowing me off to be someplace else. He would change the subject or kiss me to shut me up when I started asking questions. It became more apparent when he would ghost me for days, give me small minimal texts and then he vanished for a whole month off all social media. No texts. No calls just one day after that month where he said he was sorry to be so busy and would get back to me soon. It’s been 2 weeks so I called and I broke it off. He said he loved me but wouldn’t say why he disappeared or why he ignored me. I could hear a woman’s voice in the background. It’s over.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I’m sad and hurt. My heart had been crushed all this time but I tried to make excuses and tried to pretend it was gonna be ok. It’s not. He just played games with my emotions. Tonight I just want ice cream, comedy movies and my favorite blanket. Tomorrow I’m going to dress to the 9’s and hit the club with my gals. I hate that I gave him so much of my time and life when I know I’m a catch.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: During that time I ate less and less. I would feel so sad I couldn’t eat breakfast, I would eat an apple for lunch and maybe some bites of dinner. My pets loved the food more then me. I lost so much sleep and the stress was so intense my hair started thinning, some even falling out.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I been hitting the gym, shopping for sexy clothes. I had the idea that if I worked out and became this ultimate goddess on earth, I would be the object of his deepest fantasies. But now I’m just trying to focus on healing my heart, spending time in nature, gardening and writing poetry.
What are your next steps?: I wish I had a way out of this mess like win the lottery, move far away or something. For now my focus is to pick up a few hobbies, save money to visit a random place I’ve never been to. I hear the Maldives are magical. Maybe Bali. I just want to see something beautiful after dealing with this ugly grief so long.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Relieved
What emotions are missing from the list?: Grief, Loss, Stress, Disgusted
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Don’t wait for them to let you go. If he wants something else, walk away. Don’t make excuses for him, especially if he abandoned you once.
What else would you like to share?: In all that crushing pain, suffering every minute of every hour waiting for him to call. I wish I would have been more honest to myself. Loved myself more. I am an amazing person. He was playing games, I just hope I can forgive myself. Love myself again. Walk away and never look back for him. It hurts. I hope I can heal this.