seventy-two (72)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: he changed the romance died even communication is not like before he is at work always

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I was angry I felt betrayed I wanted revenge but I failed in the process coz I love him

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I hv sleepless nights nd ihv noticed that I'm hush nd i hv a short temper ever since I knew something was wrong

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: nothing I just told my self that it's ok it's part of life I'll hv to be strong

What are your next steps?: I want him back to me he is the father of my kids I'm incomplete without him my kids love their father nd I dnt want them to grow up in a broken home

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Anger, Alone, Afraid, Betrayed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I dnt think I'm can give advice for now coz I'm broken inside

What else would you like to share?: I wish God gave me someone who can love me for who I am nd love me unconditional .I need someone who can love me in retain.

seventy-one (71)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 1 - 2 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: I discovered my partner had an account on a fetish website. I went on the site and found photos of my partner having sex with an older women. The photos were very graphic and painful to view. I also saw messages the two had wrote back and forth that helped determine when the affair started. After seeing the photos i also realised the women he was cheating with had come to our home previously, but my partner pretended he didnt know her.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt so embarrassed, betrayed, humiliated, and broken. I also felt extremely angry. He allowed this women to come to our home. I felt like they were both laughing behind my back. Enjoying the fact they were able to deceive me and parade the affair infront of me without my knowledge. I felt inadequate. I felt dirty. So very dirty because this women was obviously extremely promiscuous and my partner didnt use protection. I was devastated. I felt like my life was being altered. I knew from that moment on things would never be the same.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: At first i was so upset that i couldnt eat, wouldnt sleep. Ever time i closed my eyes i would see those photos of the two having sex. It hurt, i would cry at times and be completely disgusted others. I didnt feel like doing the normal day to day chores. I let the house get in disarray

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Right now, nothing. Im just dealing with it. Trying to process what happened, why it happened, and where our relationship goes from here. At times im fine, but sometimes the hurt and images come back. The deep seated feeling of betrayal creeps back up and i feel devastated again. I know time will help, but im still not sure if our relationship can recover. I resent him now.

What are your next steps?: My next steps have been deciding if i even want to continue our relationship, if we do - what needs to happen to ensure this doesnt occur again, ways for the two of us to better communicate and for me to learn to trust again, him to earn it, etc for me to get over the shame and embarrassment of being cheated on and knowing i did not cause it to happen in any way

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:Embarrassed.

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Really look at your relationship and whether its worth saving. Asking yourself if this is something you may/may not be able to get over and forgive

What else would you like to share?: What my partner did was horrible, despicable, and crushing but we still loved each other and both wanted to try and mend our relationship. We knew it was gonna take a lot of work to rebuild the trust that was lost and to heal the betrayal i felt and resent towards him for cheating but we're determined to give it a try.

seventy (70)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : Less than 1 year

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A little while ago - 3-6 months

How did you learn about it?: Started to distance her self . change on visiting days. Her family this her family that . they don't want her to sleep out . she started posting her self out claiming she's with the girls . people talk you act like didn't know . she came where I'm working with that same maney spender . i crc don't why I'm still here

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: When you fast here people talk than see . You pick up your . and try to find the way forward . sometimes i do get angry . just to see what she was warring that day

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I'm not as happy as i us to be I'm a bit salty

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Blame my self

What are your next steps?: Try to find Love again inside me . and. Some1 who will respect me the way i do her

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Strong, Empowered, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Afraid , voiceless

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Life goes on

What else would you like to share?: In what ever you going through , it's not the end

sixty-nine (69)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: During couples therapy our therapist told us to tell the other person anything we might be hiding now because she will eventually bring it out. So he did. Right before bed and right before I really needed to work the next day. I didn’t sleep at all that night and was a wreck the next day.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt the worst pain and sadness. Not necessarily the worst I have ever felt, but I just felt like my whole life was falling apart and that everything before, our whole relationship was a lie. Because this was something that had been going on periodically throughout our whole relationship. But I found that out a little later after that first night that there were more girls. The last girl was the worst of them though. Now, I am feeling healed. Not fully, but I can converse, I can even spend time with him (still casual friends) and not feel pain. I see a different person now and I have no emotional feelings towards him at all in a romantic way. I just care about him still. We were “best friends” for over 10 years. Our lives were so intertwined. I could never go back to him though. So much had been revealed to me throughout our relationship just sitting outside of it and looking back in. So much toxicity beyond the cheating.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleep has been an issue, but honestly has been for so long because of him.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Friends, therapy, fun experiences, acceptance, knowing my worth, flirting, dating another guy, just talking about it. I kept so much of the bad shit hidden from others throughout our whole relationship.

What are your next steps?: Just taking it day by day. Reforming a new future. A better future.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Disassociation, numbness, uncertainty, confusion, frustration, acceptance, denial, so many others

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: In time you will realize you deserve so much better than they could ever give you. You will get through the pain. You will find joy.

What else would you like to share?:

sixty-eight (68)

Your Age: 21-30

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: I noticed that I'm the one that loves here,he's not into me...he just wants sex and my support financially..

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I don't know how I feel because I've changed...I've turned out to be a monster...I think I'm obsessed.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yes I'm sleeping less hours

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I'm just Sharing with friends..No it's not working I wish I can have someone to talk to or professional help

What are your next steps?: I wish I could have the courage to move out and breakup with him because we're staying together

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

sixty-seven (67)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: 

In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)

How did you learn about it?: 

I caught him in the shower with another woman. He didn't think he would be seeing me that night.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

When it happened i was beyond mad. I was hurt, sad, confused, i got physically sick. I would vomit , panic attacks, depression major anxiety. And hated myself.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

I can't sleep, if i even fall asleep i have nightmars and wake up crying. I will stay in bed for days only geting uo to use the bathroom.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

Art, dance... Things work for a little bit and then don't.

What are your next steps?: 

I have no idea. I don't really want to even think about the future.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):

Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible

What emotions are missing from the list?:

What advice would you give to others in this situation?:

What else would you like to share?:

sixty-six (66)

MRS

I AM A 23 YEAR OLD WOMAN.I GOT MARRIED IN 2017 WHEN I WAS 21,EVER SINCE I GOT MARRIED MY HUSBAND CHEATED ON ME ABUSED ME EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY I THEN DECIDED TO OPEN A PROTECTION ORDER AGAINST HIM THEN HE STOP WITH THE BEATING.HE CONTINUED WITH THE CHEATING UNTIL I DECIDED TO ACT AS IF IM ALSO CHEATING ..NOW HE WANTS TO FIX THING BUT I CANT BECAUSE HE IS HIDING HIS PREVIOUS CHEATINGS..HE DOESNT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM..IM SUFFERING THROUGH DEPRESSION CAUSE OF THE PAINS HE HAS CAUSED ME...WHAT CAN I DO?

sixty-five (65)

Blind-Sided

My husband of 32 years and I separated and we’re working on our emotional growth. We were dating and seeing each other regularly.  On Friday night we had a date that ending with us making love. He told me that he loved me and wanted us to promise each other that we wouldn’t see anyone else while we were working on ourselves. On Saturday I was working and he was texting me all day. The texts stopped at 9:00 pmand my intuition told me that he was with someone else. Sure enough, I talked to him on Sunday morning and he admitted that he spent the night with my sister’s best friend and that he had to meet her for breakfast later that morning. I’ve never felt betrayal like this before. It is the most painful thing that has ever happened to me.

sixty-four (64)

the scar on my back

ive felt it when i would think about it. 
in denial i was. "she wouldn't do that to me." 
i knew her for six years, she was like a sister to me.
he hurt me, my ex-boyfriend, mentally and she knew about it. 
they soon became very close, closer than he ever wanted to be with me. 
his reason for dating me was, "because you were depressed." 
when he broke up with me he said, "i never felt nothing for you, i stopped liking you a month ago." it wasn't fair for me because as time passed i was liking him more and more, without knowing that he was feeling the complete opposite.
it was 3am, he knew how terribly depressed and alone i was. he broke up with through text at that moment. his reason was that he didn't want to break up with me in person because he thought I would punch him.
why would he say that? im not that person, im not brutal, im not the person he thinks i am. i told him that he is hurting me, he said "eat ice cream, doesn't that help with break ups?"
oh how naive he was, how naive he wanted to be when it was convenient for him. he broke me, just like that. words hurt more, they penetrate your memory sensor and makes itself at home. 
the worst of it all, i gave him my flower out of lust and nothing to feel.
she knew all of this.
a year later, i forgave him for all of it. that's when my best friend and him got really close, that's where i continue with the explanation of how i began. 
it never crossed my head that they would be together, she wouldn't do that to me. 
she wouldn't let a guy come between our friendship. 
so i let the thought go. 
senior year was about to finish, excited to spend the last months of it before we head off to college. 
however on april, she confesses that they both like each other and they are just waiting for my approval. 
they set me in the middle, they made me determine the should or shouldn't. 
how was that fair for me?
oh i was completely sad and broken. 
he did it again. 
i knew how much it would hurt me seeing my virgin best friend go out with the guy who triggered my depression. 
she was a virgin, everywhere. 
lips. cheeks. tongue. relationship. 
i was always excited to know who her first was going to be. oh how does life work? 

however i set all those painful feelings aside and became the bigger person.
i let them date because i wanted her to be happy, even when i knew how much it hurts me. 

couple weeks later i became sad, super sad. depressed sad. 
that i would play sad songs, and go to my front lawn to cry my eyeballs out. i just didn't want no one to hear my sadness. 
one night i was begging the hurting to stop, it was 3 am and i was kneeling to a tree at my front lawn, when out of nowhere some guy yells something im unable to hear. i slowly approach him believing the worst of him, he proved me wrong, he said, "everything will be okay. " oh how many pieces of me he healed just by saying that. i was weak and scared. 

i told her this, my hurting never stopped her dating him. 

one day i broke, actually i completely shattered. i couldn't do it, i told her how much it hurt.
she asked me "do you want me to break up with him? " oh how much I did wanted her to chose me, but i just didn't want her to make a choice that was mine. so I distanced myself away from her because of him. how much it hurt. 
i just wanted her to chose me. 
never happened. this went on and off even when in college. them going to the same college made it worse. there's so much to this.
all i can finalize this is. 

it's been more than a year, and it still hurts. 
it will always hurt. 
she hurt me. 

but most of all, i hurt myself everytime i let this get to me. 

and they lived happily every after. and me, im here just writing mournful poems and short stories about it.

sixty-three (63)

Realtor?

My wife was a realtor. I work full time. Found out a year ago that she was having a monthly trist with a retired army sergeant. He was supposedly interested in buying properties to rent out but I think he was just looking for his next married woman.  

She fell hook line and sinker. First an “innocent” lunch. Then a visit to his house where they would have sex. She would go see him one afternoon every 4-5 weeks. 2-3 hours and leave in time to pick up our daughter from school. 

This went on for a year until I happened to here her phone ding signaling a message in the middle of the night. I opened her phone and read her happy birthday wish to him and saw a picture she sent him “showing him what he missed” and wanted to make sure that this would get her a rain check. I was both shocked and furious. I sat in silence contemplating what to do. 

I woke her asked who he was (of course I called him by name). I could tell by the picture on his message that he was black. She didn’t deny anything. She told me who he was, where he lived, how they met, and how often she went to see him. She gave me his phone number and email address. 

She insisted that it was never about trying to hurt me only to gain her self confidence. She said she was ashamed but didn’t know how to stop. She felt power in the excitement of it. 

After 18 years of marriage I knew her ways and asked to see her work laptop. I knew that she would have emails and I was right. I read every one. 

I attempted to make contact with him but he proved to be chicken shit and wouldn’t respond to me nor her. I even told him that I beat her ass (I never lost my cool nor laid a hand on her). I told him that just to prove to her that he didn’t care about her that he was only interested in himself. 

To this day she insists that she has had no further contact and after a year of checking phone records and emails I believe her. It’s been tough but I never waivered on our marriage. We’ve had a lot of good communication and she’s answered all my questions even when she knew that the answer might hurt. 

We’re closer now than we’ve ever been. Lessons were learned on both sides. She took full responsibility and never blamed me for anything. I know it was all her decision.