Your Age: 21-30
Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months
How did you learn about it?: During couples therapy our therapist told us to tell the other person anything we might be hiding now because she will eventually bring it out. So he did. Right before bed and right before I really needed to work the next day. I didn’t sleep at all that night and was a wreck the next day.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt the worst pain and sadness. Not necessarily the worst I have ever felt, but I just felt like my whole life was falling apart and that everything before, our whole relationship was a lie. Because this was something that had been going on periodically throughout our whole relationship. But I found that out a little later after that first night that there were more girls. The last girl was the worst of them though. Now, I am feeling healed. Not fully, but I can converse, I can even spend time with him (still casual friends) and not feel pain. I see a different person now and I have no emotional feelings towards him at all in a romantic way. I just care about him still. We were “best friends” for over 10 years. Our lives were so intertwined. I could never go back to him though. So much had been revealed to me throughout our relationship just sitting outside of it and looking back in. So much toxicity beyond the cheating.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleep has been an issue, but honestly has been for so long because of him.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Friends, therapy, fun experiences, acceptance, knowing my worth, flirting, dating another guy, just talking about it. I kept so much of the bad shit hidden from others throughout our whole relationship.
What are your next steps?: Just taking it day by day. Reforming a new future. A better future.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Strong, Empowered, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced, Relieved
What emotions are missing from the list?: Disassociation, numbness, uncertainty, confusion, frustration, acceptance, denial, so many others
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: In time you will realize you deserve so much better than they could ever give you. You will get through the pain. You will find joy.
What else would you like to share?: