Your Age: 21-30
Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days
How did you learn about it?: I snooped through my partners photograph files on his iPad. I know this isn’t right but I was kinda looking to see if he was planning to propose etc as our path has been going along those lines as of late.
What I saw was absolutely disgusting. He had saved videos of my brother doing sexual activities…yes that isn’t a typo. I then confronted him. He admitted that he had had a secret conversation anonymously with my brother online under a pseudonym and then saved videos of him to his phone. Apparently this only happened once, but it was over a year ago and still the videos were on his devices.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Right now, a day on, I am absolutely exhausted. My body often reacts to any emotional events with fatigue so I am used to this reaction but it is horrible. I am just shut down, in bed. I feel really upset actually on behalf of my brother as he did not know he was being exploited by my partner and I am very protective of him. I feel very empty and lost. I don’t really even feel angry yet, I assume that is to come. I think I am still processing this information.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?:Eating: not eating healthy, comfort foods only. Sleeping less well, tired more. Isolating myself.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: At the moment I am numbing out tbh, I don’t even know the best way to deal with these emotions. Eventually I will return to my previous coping strategies like yoga etc but while I am so tired I don’t really know what to do, plus there is nobody that I can share this information with.
What are your next steps?: Right now, I am not sure.
This is a 5 year coming up to 6 year relationship. We live together. Our whole life is together. I still feel like I love him. I am very confused. I need time I think.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Sadness, Alone, Voiceless, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: Numb
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I am not sure.
What else would you like to share?: