Title: Wife’s ultimate betrayal
Your Story: I found out on the 8/8/2022 that my wife of 10 years has been having a sexual and emotional affair with her best friends husband for 3years.
Last October the other wife found a text message with porn links sent from the AP to my wife. We all had a meeting and they denied everything saying he sent it by mistake. We didn’t really believe them and the next day we found lots of phone calls between them which didn’t make sense as they weren’t even supposed to be close friends. They both broke and admitted they had been sexting each other for 6 months but both swore they hadn’t slept with each other (this was an organised back up lie). For the last 10 months we have been in solo and couple counselling but my wife remained very cold and showed no remorse. After a few events aligned, combined with me saying I was divorcing her due to her lack of empathy and remorse, the guilt got too much, she broke and 2 weeks ago told me the whole truth. They had been sleeping with each other for 2.5 years but the relationship has been going in for three. I haven’t really been eating or sleeping since and I’m in a complete emotional roller coaster.
Our family’s were close we had all been on holidays together and out kids were also best friends. I think She and the AP and purposely brought our families closer together to see each other more.
I asked for all the details and received them all. I work away and it was easy for them to meet. The sex they were having was very hardcore and they had it all kinds of places including my house and his, even when our kids were in the next room. One night they fooled around while I was still in the house.
Through counselling we have identified why this has happened. She has really bad coping mechanisms when it comes to emotional pain and shuts down and avoids. Her mum died of cancer with her in the room and it traumatised her. The affair was part of that pain avoidance combined with other issues in our relationship stemming from parenting, me working away and me not showing compassion towards her struggles as a mum. She also has some health issues which she really struggled with and compounded her misery.
While there affair was going on my wife had become very cold and distant towards me but blamed me for the issues our relationship and the fact we went connected. I haven’t recognised who she is for years. She now admits she pulled away due to the guilt and shame.
She worshiped her AP but treated me like dirt. She admits that he was her sex partner for those years and she didn’t want me. She blames this on affair fog.
Since she has told the truth though she has completely changed. She is remorseful, compassionate, loving and humble. She is seeking out any affair healing work she can find and is really working in her issues. She’s almost doing things perfectly.
I’m at a loss as to what to do. Half the time I want to make it work with her but the other half remembers all the lies, coldness and betrayal.
The woman she has been for the last three years is horrible but I’m now getting a glimpse of The women I married. The problem is I just don’t trust it. How can I trust who she is? I have a battle in my head if I should even try and stay. Is it even possible? I would love to hear from anybody Who has been through this and got to the other side. The world tells you to walk away when someone cheats, is it ok to stay? And even if I do stay, is it possible to have a normal relationship ever again?