Title: A new chapter?
Your Story: Anon
Just now ·
Last year I found that my husband had an affair with a mum from our children’s school nearly 7 years ago. She was always very isolated, seemed to have no friends and relied on her husband and his money - I always felt a bit sorry for her. When I found out I couldn’t believe what he saw in her. Attractive yes but dull and nothing exciting about her, just a bit of a nobody. I had welcomed her into our home, made an effort to be ‘mum friends’ and she had been sleeping with him. I felt all the things you’ve described. To know the person makes it so painful, I felt betrayed by both of them. We’ve had a LOT of therapy since. He had been in a bad place all those years ago, our marriage for many reasons was failing. She was a bit of a nobody and through play dates and friendship they developed something that made each of them feel good about themselves when self esteem/self worth was low. It’s help for me to recognise it was never about the woman but about him. He felt rubbish, his life was full of worry and she took that away, made him feel wanted, desired, valuable.
Your wife being honest is a huge step in the right direction. This woman told me many many lies to complicate things but his transparency, remorse and openness has brought us closer than ever. We are a year down the line now and we’ve still got a long road ahead and at times, like you, I’ve wanted to leave - the hurt has been unbearable at times. But I’m pleased I stayed, and I honestly believe that yes marriages can and do recover but it takes work, commitment, openness, empathy, responsibility and forgiveness. If we get through the other side I believe we will have an amazing marriage and I may even feel brave enough to say it could be the best thing that ever happened to us.