Your Age: 21-30
Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)
How did you learn about it?: I first noticed him acting really strange and distant, always texting someone on his phone. I confronted him about it and he lied for several months until I finally got into his phone and discovered he had been talking nonstop to another woman, an online friend, and that he was hiding the fact that he was married to me from her. He deepened his relationship with her and hid it from me (poorly), lying constantly about it, until I discovered all the graphic sexting between them in a chat app he’d been hiding from me. That was about two months ago.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: The grief and anger was insane. Intense anxiety. I still get incredibly anxious thinking about it. He was my best friend in the world.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: I lost 30 pounds from not eating anymore, I struggle terribly to focus on my work/career which used to bring me so much joy, and I started sleeping all of the time to avoid being conscious.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I recently started therapy, but it feels too soon to tell how it will affect me. I’ve journaled, but I often delete my entries because the thought of revisiting the experience triggers absolute misery for me. Nothing is working for me right now.
What are your next steps?: I wish I knew. I’m so scared. I want to fix this but I worry that he isn’t capable of being a better man. I’m trying to figure out if I can ever get over the lies. I probably can’t.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?:Anxious/Paranoid
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: It isn’t about you not being good enough. It wouldn’t have mattered if you were perfect. There’s something wrong with your partner/ex-partner.
What else would you like to share?: