Your Age: 41-50
Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago
How did you learn about it?: I checked his work computer and saw a bunch of emails. When I asked him, he came out with it.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt the wind knocked out of me when I found out. I was shattered- lost so much weight- couldn’t think about anything but the affair. It’s been over a year and it still hurts and I still have so many questions.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Sleeping and eating changed drastically- I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t focus at work, I couldn’t stop obsessing.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I’ve done individual therapy and couples therapy which have helped tremendously. I just take it one day at a time. Some days, I’m great. Other days, I want to crawl into a hole.
What are your next steps?: I don’t know. I need to learn to accept that I change the past and obsessing about it now is ruining the present.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: Frustrated, obsessive, hurt, empty
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Go to therapy and give yourself Grace. Only you know your timeline to heal. Don’t let anyone speed up that process for you.
What else would you like to share?: I still don’t know what to think. I fear I’ll never have the full truth and I’ll always be left with unanswered questions