Your Age: 41-50
Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days
How did you learn about it?: I found a card in my husband's work bag that was addressed to another woman, thanking her for letting him discover more about himself, etc. I confronted him and he told me he found her online and they have been meeting for sex over the last three years. He also told me that about seven years ago, he met and had sex with three different prostitutes, then decided a better option would be to find someone online that he could regularly see. He met with and kissed a few woman until he found the "right" one.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I was so shocked when I found out and I felt so deeply hurt. My husband is the type of guy everyone thinks is so kind and would do anything to help anyone. I can't and could not believe he would SEEK OUT affairs. Now I feel just sad, sometimes very angry, and basically lost about what to do. The thing is, I am in good shape, I take care of myself, I have sex with my husband, I have a successful career...I thought I was a good wife and that he was happy to be with me.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Yes, I stopped eating at first. I am eating again but not always sleeping well. I try to keep up my daily exercise routine.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Exercising, which is always helpful for anything in life, both for stress relief and to help you feel and look better. I have one friend I can talk to about this, but I feel like I can't share with anyone else. We are starting to see a couples' therapist, but I don't feel a lot better about things yet.
What are your next steps?: I would like to see a therapist individually. But that is the only thing I can think of. I'm at a loss. I have asked a million questions of my husband and he has mostly answered them. I've seen the photos she sent him... But it is so hard to get past.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: Embarrassment. I think I assumed he treasured me, always. Even though I lost all my hair to chemo about 5 years ago and have had a mastectomy. I thought that my experience would have made him feel even more like he should want to hold onto me tighter. Now I feel like I was a fool to think that.
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I guess the main this is try and go day by day. You can't figure it all out at once. And take care of yourself as much as you can.
What else would you like to share?: