Your Age: 41-50
Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months
How did you learn about it?: I was cleaning out a cupboard at home and came across hotel receipts, listing my husband and an unknown woman to me sharing a hotel room. Same woman, same hotel, several receipts over several months. He had lied about business trips, very cliched.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I found out about this 4 months ago. Initially I felt shocked, numb and in disbelief. However it soon sank in and then I felt foolish, blaming myself for not seeing the signs and also for being so trusting. My mood and emotions were all over the place, depressed, anxious, flat, angry. I'm now feeling more stable in my mood, not so labile in my emotions. I think I'm moving towards acceptance, I have more "good" days, I don't feel so angry and I no longer blame myself. I feel sad the relationship ended the way it did, but I'm glad I found out and took the steps I did because he was never going to admit to it.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Initially, insomnia, bad dreams, poor appetite.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: Lots of support from friends, work, counselling, exercise. Watching comedy and trash tv, keeping a diary.
What are your next steps?: As soon as I found the evidence I confronted him and asked him to leave. We've formally separated and I am planning to divorce him asap.
I'm moving closer to my friends and work.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Afraid, Strong, Betrayed, Devalued, Shame/Ashamed, Relieved
What emotions are missing from the list?: Anxiety, numbness
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Reach out for support, don't carry this alone. It can help to talk to friends, people you trust, they care and want to help. I also attended professional counselling for a few months and this was so helpful in helping to my repair my self esteem and vonfidence
What else would you like to share?: Take each day at a time. Be kind to yourself and remember you're an amazing person that didn't deserve to be in this situation. You will recover, reach out for support and help if you're feeling overwhelmed.