submission fifty-three (53)

Your Age: 41-50

Length of Relationship : 11 - 20 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days

How did you learn about it?: Something didnt feel right so I snooped her FB message. He visited house "as a friend" before so I know him. Turned out when we went to his house for dinner (after me hosting his worthless ass) Shed already been there that day. Eating sausage.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I died inside. Still feel dead, except when rage takes hold.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Hard to do anything. No pleasure. I just count the seconds...

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: I masturbate too much. I flirt with homosexuality. I eat. I get fatter. I used to be cute, but now I'm a fatty.

What are your next steps?: Wonder when I will die of shame.

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Rage

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: I outed him on a homewrecker website. I dont regret it...

What else would you like to share?: I never had violent dreams before. Not like I do now.