submission forty-four (44)

Your Age: 31-40

Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: A while ago - 6-12 months

How did you learn about it?: The mistress contacted me on Messenger.

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

I feel like roadkill that is going to live, but will not return to normal.

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

I lost all sense of routine, and motivation.

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

MJ, kind of.
New relationship, not really.
Doing whatever I want, neutral results.

What are your next steps?: 

Pray, take care of my body, seek emotional and psychological help

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Alone, Empowered, Betrayed, Devalued, Cornered/Forced, Relieved

What emotions are missing from the list?: Vengeful, lost, broken, suicidal, insecure, unattractive, crazy...

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

Realize you are not the only one going through this right now. Find a support group or blog for your specific type of situation, realize this may be God rescuing you, so focus on God and your kids.

What else would you like to share?: 

Things were pretty good, compared to a lot of other relationship problems I'd experienced. I fully trusted his claims of loyalty.
He started being less content gradually, with no justification. Finally he started having episodes of 'crazy'.
I thought he had some physical illness, with psychological side effects. I stopped arguing, and began trying to save our marriage and refresh his image of me.
He started introducing the 'D' word into "his" arguments, but no basis for his discontent. I tried even harder to be perfect.
He went on a months long business trip to Japan. He limited our communication, then deleted his Facebook account. I begged, cried to him, accused him...etc. He just got mad and mean and more distant, all while pimping himself out on Tender, in Japan, and having affairs. His main affair realized he was a Narcissist, after hacking his phone and comparing his stories to our text messages...etc.
So she gathered evidence and contacted me on Messenger.
We are now divorced.
I will never be the same.