submission thirty-two (32)

Your Age: 51 +

Length of Relationship : 3 - 5 years

How long ago did the betrayal occur?: It's been a while - over a year ago

How did you learn about it?: 

The first time was when she had told me an ex was coming to town for his daughters birthday the same one that betrayed her lead her to believe he was single at the time now this was before we were married the early part of 2013 she told me of him coming to town but what made me feel something wasn't right we would talk after she would get off work and i was at work we both worked at the same place different shifts but that night was different we talked for a little while and all of a sudden she stopped i became concerned and decided to check on her at my lunch break where we worked was a matter of less than a mile to my surprise a vehicle was in her driveway from out side i tried calling no answer she worked 2 till 10:30 i worked 10:30 till 6am i heard noting till 8:00am that morning saying she fell asleep not knowing that i knew about the car which was her ex boyfriends car long story short that was one of many deceptions sense after we were married

Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: 

Im feeling so many thing about this marriage as i said that was just one of many deceptions i feel like i have been taken for granted time after time when i found out i was in some what of a shock after telling me her story of how she had been treated i wanted and tried to let her know i will be there for her by the way she have four kids it was always my intentions to let her know that she and the kids were apart of my life and that i was going to do what ever it took to make this work for us all but it seemed things continuously took a turn for the worse

How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: 

A great deal I've had many sleepless nights sometimes i don't eat i feel i just want to work and go home

What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: 

I don't feel i have an outlet we tried counseling with our pastor she even lie to him on another situation went to counseling with her once but didn't think it was going to work because an incident occurred even before counseling

What are your next steps?: 

I feel this is really time to exit this marriage because it seems there's no end to things that keep happening this has took a toll on me dramatically i really wanted this to work but everytime i feel I'm going to give it a chance something else happens i have no trust in her when things happen she tries to justify it like oh it not as you think it is im to the point that i cannot go any further but she wants to make it work she loves me don't want to lose me and when i hear that i really don't know how to respond to it

What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Anger, Sadness, Afraid, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Cornered/Forced

What emotions are missing from the list?: Taken advantage of

What advice would you give to others in this situation?: 

Take your time get to know and grow with your partner

What else would you like to share?: 

I was hopeful wanted my relationship to grow things were like heaven at first things changed rapidly i tried to adjust i loved this woman with my whole heart i thought she had that same love for me but the things i went through she couldn't have get to know the person take time to know each other be friends be playful share things good or bad make each feel im here for you no matter what but when you feel things keep recurring your being lie to taken advantage of some times you just have to let go cut your losses and even though you've been in a bad relationship with someone who has treated so badly there's is light at the end of the tunnel there's someone out there who has been through just what you have experienced but give your self time for you let your heart and mind heal seek counseling for you so that the next experience of love will be a great one