Your Age: 21-30
Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: In the last few months - less than 90 days (3 months)
How did you learn about it?: She told me about 3 months ago, but the more we go into depth this started way before. What hurts the most is that this man is married, he’s about 15 years older than her and has kids as old as her (she’s 24)
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: I felt destroyed when she told me, we were closing on our house together, the next step was to ask her to marry me
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: There’s days I don’t sleep or eat at all, I’ve lost 60lbs since she told me
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: We’re going to weekly netting’s with our church, prayer and trying to talk about the situations that have let up to.
The prayers and going to church are, the talking not so much as she doesn’t open up to me and there are certain things that make her feel like I’m attacking her which I have to end up apologizing because I don’t want her to feel like she can’t talk to me
What are your next steps?: We’ve made a commitment for one year, going to our weekly meetings, praying together. I want to continue my life with her but she’s the one on the fence about it.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply): Shock/Disbelif, Sadness, Alone, Afraid, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed
What emotions are missing from the list?: Anxiety, depression
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Don’t walk away from the situation with out getting your closure, it will keep you feeling insecure about yourself and you will carry those wounds into other relationships
What else would you like to share?: I still love her, we have a daughter together, we’ve been through so much this past 8.5 years together. We were high school sweethearts.
One day she did tell me that she felt like I hated her for what’s going on and I told her on the contrary I love her and I have so much love for her. I want us to be ok and see this a a test that needs to be passed. If we do end up staying together, lesson learn, forgive and move on, don’t bring it back up or throw it in your partners face.