Your Age: 21-30
Length of Relationship : 6 - 10 years
How long ago did the betrayal occur?: Recently - less than 30 days
How did you learn about it?: Strange bank transactions, messages, weirdly saved phone numbers, deleted selfies, browser history, strange behavior, sometimes just the LACK OF certain behavior and moments of completely unprompted happiness from a person who can typically be an a$$. He is a narcissistic pathological liar who gaslights me into thinking I'm the reason for the shit we are in today. I accept I'm not blame free but I am not responsible for his destructive behavior and have not done anything that warrants him "behaving in response" to in such a drastic manor. He apologized and said he felt bad for what's been going on yet he keeps doing it. He expects from me what is out of my comfort zone yet won't give me the basics that any one person deserves from any human being. Deep down I still love him and even though it requires me to have zero self respect I stay purely for that reason.
Describe how you are feeling now, or how you felt when you found out.: Completely broken. Disgusted, unwanted, betrayed. Shattered self-esteem, self loathing, extreme depression, constant mental and emotional unrest.
How have your normal habits changed (eating, sleeping, etc)?: Struggle to sleep soundly, grind teeth, cry alot.
What are you using to cope with your emotions? Is it working for you?: To be honest I'm not coping, we have come to a kinda agreement that helps us stay together but I'm the one on the loosing end of the agreement. I give 100% and receive maybe 20% in return. I find quiet where I can cry and release my built up sadness that I hide to be able to function daily and so that my daughter isn't effected.
What are your next steps?: Establish self sustainability.
Improve myself.
Focus on my child.
Reevaluate strength of this marriage in the near future and make a decision from there.
What emotions have come up for you as you've been going through this? (select all that apply):Anger, Sadness, Alone, Voiceless, Replaced, Betrayed, Devalued, Invisible, Shame/Ashamed, Cornered/Forced
What emotions are missing from the list?:
What advice would you give to others in this situation?: Get an emotional support buddy, don't completely loose yourself just to make the ones you love happy. Do your research.
What else would you like to share?: I'd love to find a group or contact to talk to when I'm feeling low, suggestions are welcomed.